Author Topic: Ripped open by 18mg  (Read 159 times)

Offline eternity

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Ripped open by 18mg
« on: September 05, 2017, 01:09:09 AM »
Hello, I guess the title got your attention.
I am a 40 year old living in London... I have not tried the toad but yesterday I tried 5-Me0-DMT for the third time and this experience has ripped me wide open.
The first time I tried was very intense and I did indeed go directly into a non-dual state, but there was just a momentary recognition of the fact at the beginning 'this is it'
and then the reconfiguration of the humanoid when coming back, which was quite hard for brief moments. After that I felt good, and I had a few reactivations.
Now yesterday was at a completely different level. I was conscious or I was consciousness the whole time, and there was nothing else but pure complete absolute infinity.
This is a singularity in my life. A before and after. There is no more intensity than this.

I vaporized  18mg of pure 5-MEO-DMT, lying down on my bed, with my good friend Pol as a sitter. The effect was immediate. I was infinity/eternity/absolute but for a little while I had some kind of 'time conscience' so while being expanded in this infinite plane, i was still somewhat aware that this was an experience. but this didn't last long and then I was just ABSOLUTE INFINITY. I have a recollection, when coming back that this infinity was infinite energy, and that I had been screaming on the top of my lungs; in the same way that this infinity is pure fullness i had the impression that my screams were mirroring this sensation. When I came back I was standing up, looking straight. Pol was holding me and asked me if I was OK, i said yes and lied down and slowly came back to this world feeling a complete surrender of the body to the energy that was flowing through it. There was no difficulty coming back, it was perfectly smooth, the same pure energy was flowing through me without resistance, but I was back and I was actually glad to be back!
Pol later told me that for the first few minutes I was lying down motionless, but my feet started vibrating very very fast, and it was shaking the bed like a washing machine -he even took a little video clip- later I took a big gulp of air, like if I had been underwater for some time. Then I sat on the bed, looked at him and smiled bewildered, I got up and  went toward him like I was going for a hug, so he stood up,  I stared at him close and straight and started screaming first quietly and finally at the top of my lungs: WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... and then I started screaming (again at the very top of my lungs) repeatedly the word ETERNITY without pause so the word eventually became unintelligible, and ended just screaming fully TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA, all the while my feet were thumping rhythmically against the floor and my eyes completely wide open but not seeing anything. this went on for like 5-10 minutes, very very loud. My friend was very scared thinking that i had totally lost it. I also had been embracing him but like hitting him fast and rhythmically on the back tap tap tap tap. he said that after a while of freaking out he himself relaxed through deep breathing as he knew that this would be the best way to get me to relax -he did not think i was having a good trip at all- and then finally I  I started going quieter and relaxing and found myself standing there. I do not recall anything that my body did during the experience. During the relaxation I could only marvel at the fact of being alive and how incredibly perfect and beautiful reality is.
later after having had lied down and talked about this we embraced and there was this incredible energy of complete self-belief that we CAN DO ANYTHING, it was a perfect ending for the journey.
later at night I had trouble sleeping, because every time I would drift into sleep I would be falling back into the infinite, and I was scared that I would not come back, or that I would start screaming again. So i ended up doing a bit of rape which felt like putting pureness into purity, and then after a couple of hours managed to sleep, but it was all the time falling into the infinite in different ways, in dreams, asleep, awake and semi-awake.and it always felt as the COMPLETE ABSOLUTE even though it wasnt exactly the same ultra-intese feeling of infinite energy as before. After a couple of hours I could see that I could get out of the state of absolute at will and that it was fine.
Today I feel quite amazing, its hard to explain, the feeling is still there. All flowing all perfect. Listening to Adashanti talks on youtube which make PERFECT SENSE. Everything is infinite. Thank you for reading. Love.

3 days later
This is ann update on how the re-activations have been happening: They continue pretty much when I go to sleep, but they have followed different stages. The first one (second time i sleep after the experience) was a reactivation period of about 2 hours where the non-dual state kept breaking into 2 or doubling, very strange, and I would break out of it when I became conscious of it, and this would always leave me with a strange anxiety that I was doing something wrong, but deep down I knew it was OK.. this felt incremental as the 'infinities' got bigger. On the next sleep period I went into a deeper complete unified totality, which was round and static, and on the final sleep period I went into the purest total complete infinite oness experience, this time the feeling was of complete pureness and clarity. on these were different periods of sleep, the experience has gone deeper into the total self, leaving me feeling totally blissed out. I don't know where this is going, but I know that it is totally fine to not know. Thank you all for reading and for the kind words. much love.

Offline HumbleVoyager

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Re: Ripped open by 18mg
« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2017, 10:02:09 AM »
Hey there eternity,

Thank you for sharing this incredibly powerful report.
What an incredible experience you had.

Some processing questions for you:
How have you been following the experience?
How does life feel for you now?
Do you find yourself behaving differently?
Has the experience formed new ideas about your experience of reality?

Welcome back and happy integrations to you <3

Offline eternity

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Re: Ripped open by 18mg
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2017, 01:48:42 AM »
Hi Humble voyager,
I guess those are the important questions.
The experience itself is the most intense one I can imagine anyone to have, but how does that translate to the day to day life.

For around 10 days I had reactivations every night, each one different. From dreams where I would find myself and then merge with myself to go into the totality state,
to another one where I would lie on a table with my arms stretched upwards and I would be holding my feet making a short circuit which would take me back to that state, to many time just going there, with different 'flavours' intensities and depths. During daytime I felt good, I felt my body very much, in a kind of pleasant way. I would feel quite present.
But like with many experiences these type of feelings start to fade away, and life as it was comes back to the forefront, leaving the experience as a memory impossible to recall.
It is hard to say how it has changed me, I am in the process of self-discovery anyway, so this experience is just part of this ongoing voyage. As part of my journey I have done some sweatlodges a couple of weeks after the experience and I have gone deeper than ever before, releasing some past trauma that had been waiting a long time.
When I had this experience I thought I would never smoke again, but now I feel its calling me, although the mere thought of doing it sends my heart beating fast... the ego knows it will get shattered again.
A good friend of mine smoked recently and his reaction was very interesting. He started screaming LIFE after only 5 minutes. He screamed life for a while and then screamed I CHOSE YOU and I LOVE YOU. When talking to him after he said that after experiencing totality and then feeling that he actually was a living human being, but that he could very well stop breathing and continue in this totality state, he then decided that he chose LIFE, hence very consciously although energetically still completely bouyant he started screaming LIFE. He was very happy afterwards, and still is 3 days after, with usual re-activations during the night.

It really concerns me how this experience can be integrated. Am I really ready for it, can I really hold something like that, can anyone? why should I do it again? why do I want to go through it again? will it help me? and also very importantly should i recommend it? my take on this so far is to just honestly explain what happened to me and to state its very real risks, particularly to people who I feel will have a hard time to let go. So far its been good to 3 friends I have shared the smoke with. Its interesting that my first dreams after trying it the first time, where all about sharing and spreading the experience with others.
all these are questions that are present with me regarding this experience.

I would love to hear how others are integrating their 5meo experiences and how they are dealing with the sharing and with the re-taking of the medicine and how it is affecting their lifes generally.

Thank you.
« Last Edit: October 05, 2017, 04:14:09 AM by eternity »

Offline HumbleVoyager

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Re: Ripped open by 18mg
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2017, 09:04:45 AM »
Hey there eternity,

It sounds to me from what you're saying that you're still pretty deep in the integration process. Taking more of the medicine doesn't sound like a good idea, as that could lead to further confusion.

Continuing to focus on finding the answers to those questions I posed would be a helpful way. Those answers can only be found within yourself, they aren't going to come from an external source or an external medicine. Before recommending it to anyone or before thinking about doing it again, find ways in which your life is asking to be changed. See how you can come more into alignment with what you have seen and learned. The message you got seems very clear, now it is up to you to put it into practice. Don't get caught in the trap of going on one trip after another thinking that the next trip will make it all clear to you. It's already clear. You did it! You made it to the center! Now it's time to align your day-to-day life with that and be a living example of what you now know. Then once that happens and you feel settled, then it may be time to think about going again.

This is all from my own personal experience. I have gone through phases where I thought I needed to keep going back in. But the truth was, the more frequently I went in, the less efficient I was at bringing things back and the more confused and ungrounded I became. Medicine work is a balanced process. We go in, take a big journey, and come back with lots to work on. Then we put in the time it takes to address those areas of growth and then once we regain balance and stability, we can go back in. That's the process.

As for sharing with others...it can be very easy to fall into the illusion that we are "the chosen ones" to spread the medicine to all those we know and love. However, with time and reflection I have come to see that it is not one individual's role to go around spreading medicine. The people that are called to it will truly find it if they are called. Otherwise, it becomes a thing that people do in order to just have the experience, they tend to be more like tourists at the Buddhist temple rather than actual initiates doing the meditation work. There have been many so-called psychedelic prophets that have existed in the past. An example is Nick Sand and Tim Scully. Both of them had visions that they were supposed to spread LSD all over the world. However, upon reflection (this is shown in the movie The Sunshine Makers), Tim Scully admits that the idea of spreading LSD to the world was an ego dream, an oversimplified solution to the larger issues at play. The solution isn't more medicine. The solution is better integration. This is the big lesson from the 60s and 70s that the psychedelic community needs to learn if it's going to grow and prosper going forward.

This, of course, is my opinion and there will be many other opinions. That being said, this is what I have found to be most effective in producing healthy, functioning people that are able to live out their dreams rather than being stuck in confusion about reality.

Love and Blessings,
Humble Voyager

Offline eternity

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Re: Ripped open by 18mg
« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2017, 08:53:25 AM »
Hi Humble Voyager,

I am very grateful for your response. It answers some of my questions and gives me very good advice. I can see where you are coming from and I get it.
Thank you and hope to share some more wisdom around here.

Offline free-range

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Re: Ripped open by 18mg
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2017, 01:32:56 PM »
 <3
Hey there eternity,

It sounds to me from what you're saying that you're still pretty deep in the integration process. Taking more of the medicine doesn't sound like a good idea, as that could lead to further confusion.

Continuing to focus on finding the answers to those questions I posed would be a helpful way. Those answers can only be found within yourself, they aren't going to come from an external source or an external medicine. Before recommending it to anyone or before thinking about doing it again, find ways in which your life is asking to be changed. See how you can come more into alignment with what you have seen and learned. The message you got seems very clear, now it is up to you to put it into practice. Don't get caught in the trap of going on one trip after another thinking that the next trip will make it all clear to you. It's already clear. You did it! You made it to the center! Now it's time to align your day-to-day life with that and be a living example of what you now know. Then once that happens and you feel settled, then it may be time to think about going again.

This is all from my own personal experience. I have gone through phases where I thought I needed to keep going back in. But the truth was, the more frequently I went in, the less efficient I was at bringing things back and the more confused and ungrounded I became. Medicine work is a balanced process. We go in, take a big journey, and come back with lots to work on. Then we put in the time it takes to address those areas of growth and then once we regain balance and stability, we can go back in. That's the process.

As for sharing with others...it can be very easy to fall into the illusion that we are "the chosen ones" to spread the medicine to all those we know and love. However, with time and reflection I have come to see that it is not one individual's role to go around spreading medicine. The people that are called to it will truly find it if they are called. Otherwise, it becomes a thing that people do in order to just have the experience, they tend to be more like tourists at the Buddhist temple rather than actual initiates doing the meditation work. There have been many so-called psychedelic prophets that have existed in the past. An example is Nick Sand and Tim Scully. Both of them had visions that they were supposed to spread LSD all over the world. However, upon reflection (this is shown in the movie The Sunshine Makers), Tim Scully admits that the idea of spreading LSD to the world was an ego dream, an oversimplified solution to the larger issues at play. The solution isn't more medicine. The solution is better integration. This is the big lesson from the 60s and 70s that the psychedelic community needs to learn if it's going to grow and prosper going forward.

This, of course, is my opinion and there will be many other opinions. That being said, this is what I have found to be most effective in producing healthy, functioning people that are able to live out their dreams rather than being stuck in confusion about reality.

Love and Blessings,
Humble Voyager

Offline Winston Smith

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Re: Ripped open by 18mg
« Reply #6 on: November 12, 2017, 10:06:58 PM »
great thread, wonderful description of the 5, and great advice.

 I would add that the process of rooting out ignorance can be a long one, and help is available. Not sure if your aware of The Non Dual teachings- it is the basis of Vajrayana Buddhism , The Advaita Vedanta,Zen,Taoism, and the gospel of Thomas. I personally have found Rupert Spira to be exceptionally clear in his direct pointing out of our true nature. By listening or reading his teaching one is bought back to the empty, centered, actioneless, awareness. I have also found it useful to deepen my understanding through a methodological 'self inquiry' as taught by James Swartz, his is a more traditional Advaita Vedanta approach, he is a great character with a real flair for no BS detailed instruction on the 'Science of Self Inquiry'

good luck on your intergration
luv n hugs

Offline Flux

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Re: Ripped open by 18mg
« Reply #7 on: December 01, 2017, 02:51:07 AM »
Thank you for sharing this eloquent articulation eternity - my first thought was "I hope you didn't have neighbours to freak out :)"


To me the body's physical reactions are quite fascinating and I often get the rhythmical toe or foot action going too. Some suggest that this is a deep process of aligning the energetic body ('chakras', 'Chi' or 'prana'- much is made of these terms that may or may not be so) and I feel the 5-MeO experience is a direct revelation of such forces at work inside the human vessel. You seem to have had some very powerful and consistent re-activations and have integrated them with wisdom and grace, as they can be quite confronting for some (especially having no fore-warning of such phenomenon). I have found that this intense physical vibration of body precedes the infinite state, as though imbalance is being cleared in order for pure consciousness to flow...after this, the body still moves autonomously or seemingly independent from 'cognitive mind', but the motion is smoother and more fluid like a dance. 


Quote
Am I really ready for it, can I really hold something like that, can anyone? why should I do it again? why do I want to go through it again? will it help me? and also very importantly should i recommend it?
All very important questions to posit to oneself. Knowing when you are ready for it again will be a very intuitive gnosis, in order to distinguish itself from the chasing of the experience... increased synchronicity can often be an indicator. The motivation for doing it in turn becomes ones intention going in, which then allows for a focus point and channel for certain lessons to come through in certain areas of our lives, revealing themselves as most pertinent areas of concern for us. It will help you as much as you want it to help and this will be a matter of discerning what medicine suits a particular type of issue at any given point for you and which medicine is presenting itself in response to you being ready.

As to whether one can ever 'hold on to' an experience like that, I think we are inherently attuned towards trying and even though we know we cannot fully articulate the ineffable, the desire to do so is a fundamental driving force behind the creative impulse of humankind. I would suggest that we honour the experience by attempting to stay open to it (this may be part of why re-activations occur), by removing blockages to the flow of 'spirit' or 'pure consciousness' in our lives, by living as honestly, kindly and gently as possible in our interactions with our inner selves, loved ones, strangers, community and the land.

peace,

Flux
« Last Edit: December 01, 2017, 05:57:11 AM by HumbleVoyager »

Offline MrToad

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Re: Ripped open by 18mg
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2017, 09:59:27 PM »
Hey there eternity,

It sounds to me from what you're saying that you're still pretty deep in the integration process. Taking more of the medicine doesn't sound like a good idea, as that could lead to further confusion.

Continuing to focus on finding the answers to those questions I posed would be a helpful way. Those answers can only be found within yourself, they aren't going to come from an external source or an external medicine. Before recommending it to anyone or before thinking about doing it again,


...

This, of course, is my opinion and there will be many other opinions. That being said, this is what I have found to be most effective in producing healthy, functioning people that are able to live out their dreams rather than being stuck in confusion about reality.

Love and Blessings,
Humble Voyager


Really nice post.