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Ripped wide open with 18mg

Started by eternity, September 02, 2017, 09:10:52 AM

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Hello, I guess the title got your attention.
I am a 40 year old living in London... I have not tried the toad but yesterday I tried 5-Me0-DMT for the third time and this experience has ripped me wide open.
The first time I tried was very intense and I did indeed go directly into a non-dual state, but there was just a momentary recognition of the fact at the beginning 'this is it'
and then the reconfiguration of the humanoid when coming back, which was quite hard for brief moments. After that I felt good, and I had a few reactivations.
Now yesterday was at a completely different level. I was conscious or I was consciousness the whole time, and there was nothing else but pure complete absolute infinity.
This is a singularity in my life. A before and after. There is no more intensity than this.

I vaporized  18mg of pure 5-MEO-DMT, lying down on my bed, with my good friend Pol as a sitter. The effect was immediate. I was infinity/eternity/absolute but for a little while I had some kind of 'time conscience' so while being expanded in this infinite plane, i was still somewhat aware that this was an experience. but this didn't last long and then I was just ABSOLUTE INFINITY. I have a recollection, when coming back that this infinity was infinite energy, and that I had been screaming on the top of my lungs; in the same way that this infinity is pure fullness i had the impression that my screams were mirroring this sensation. When I came back I was standing up, looking straight. Pol was holding me and asked me if I was OK, i said yes and lied down and slowly came back to this world feeling a complete surrender of the body to the energy that was flowing through it. There was no difficulty coming back, it was perfectly smooth, the same pure energy was flowing through me without resistance, but I was back and I was actually glad to be back!
Pol later told me that for the first few minutes I was lying down motionless, but my feet started vibrating very very fast, and it was shaking the bed like a washing machine -he even took a little video clip- later I took a big gulp of air, like if I had been underwater for some time. Then I sat on the bed, looked at him and smiled bewildered, I got up and  went toward him like I was going for a hug, so he stood up,  I stared at him close and straight and started screaming first quietly and finally at the top of my lungs: WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... WE ARE... and then I started screaming (again at the very top of my lungs) repeatedly the word ETERNITY without pause so the word eventually became unintelligible, and ended just screaming fully TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA, all the while my feet were thumping rhythmically against the floor and my eyes completely wide open but not seeing anything. this went on for like 5-10 minutes, very very loud. My friend was very scared thinking that i had totally lost it. I also had been embracing him but like hitting him fast and rhythmically on the back tap tap tap tap. he said that after a while of freaking out he himself relaxed through deep breathing as he knew that this would be the best way to get me to relax -he did not think i was having a good trip at all- and then finally I  I started going quieter and relaxing and found myself standing there. I do not recall anything that my body did during the experience. During the relaxation I could only marvel at the fact of being alive and how incredibly perfect and beautiful reality is.
later after having had lied down and talked about this we embraced and there was this incredible energy of complete self-belief that we CAN DO ANYTHING, it was a perfect ending for the journey.
later at night I had trouble sleeping, because every time I would drift into sleep I would be falling back into the infinite, and I was scared that I would not come back, or that I would start screaming again. So i ended up doing a bit of rape which felt like putting pureness into purity, and then after a couple of hours managed to sleep, but it was all the time falling into the infinite in different ways, in dreams, asleep, awake and semi-awake.and it always felt as the COMPLETE ABSOLUTE even though it wasnt exactly the same ultra-intese feeling of infinite energy as before. After a couple of hours I could see that I could get out of the state of absolute at will and that it was fine.
Today I feel quite amazing, its hard to explain, the feeling is still there. All flowing all perfect. Listening to Adashanti talks on youtube which make PERFECT SENSE. Everything is infinite. Thank you for reading. Love.


Wow this is an incredible description of an experience that seems impossible to describe.

I have not yet experienced 5-meo-dmt but I truly, really, absolutely want to although I am frightened by just thinking about it.

And like you said, the title did in fact get my attention  ;D

I wish that I was not scared to take a relatively large dose of 5-meo-dmt and also let go and surrender to the entire experience.

I am really hoping that it will be the molecule/chemical/substance/entheogen/whateveryouwanttocallit that will become my spiritual teacher and guide, if such a thing is possible.

I just recently quit smoking cannabis for good, and am not quite sure what to do with what I have remaining.

I'm currently (still) struggling with alcoholism (a long-time problem of mine) and hoping to put the bottle down for good as well.

As for five-methoxy-n,n-dimethyltryptamine, I'm praying that I can come across some and also have positive and meaningful experiences.

To be honest, just thinking about it gives me anxiety in my heart, which I wonder why, since i have never even tried it or seen it before.

Do you recommend working with such a high dose as the one you did, for someone such as myself who will be trying it for the first time?

I really do not want to exceed doses of five milligrams my first few attempts at vaporizing this.

Anyway, thanks for the great write-up it was a pleasure to read.


Hi Gurude,

It is normal to feel anxiety as a part of you knows that it has to die in order to experience that. And there is a not knowing if you will fully surrender, but here is the prize, 5-meo is so powerful, that it will most likely obliterate any resistance to it, and this is why maybe starting low is not such a good idea, because the likelyhood of your ego resisting will increase. So maybe not 18mg, but maybe around 10? Not sure it can become your teacher, but you will find out that the whole reality is your teacher. There is nothing to fear.
Apparently it is very useful with addictions -from what I read- and from what I experienced, I can see it working that way. Good luck with sourcing, and remember to have a quiet and safe place and a good sitter (or two!)


Hi eternity,

Thanks for the valuable knowledge.

I have another question if you don't mind answering.

Is a sitter, like you mentioned having, a requirement for an experience such as this?

I have been ripped apart and torn all over the place and exploded into a million pieces on smoked salvia before, but that was a very long time ago.

I did not have a sitter.

But from what I understand, 5-meo-dmt is of a much higher magnitude of entheogenic experience than salvia divinorum.

I have always wondered, and continue to wonder, why so many people say such negative things about 5-meo-dmt, from such rude remarks as: "it sucks", or "it's a waste of time" to more detailed descriptions such as "the whole of existence yourself included rapidly disintegrates at the atomic level" (the latter quote being from someone whom also said that it does not feel spiritual in any way, and that it's just a total obliteration).

I've also noticed that people frequently compare it to n,n-dmt and (in my opinion) wrongly label it as being inferior to dmt.

On the other hand, people more knowledgeable and experienced say that the ONLY thing similar between the two is their name, and in reality they are two completely different entheogens.

Honestly, I've had enough of this "DMT is far superior to 5-meo-dmt" nonsensical attitude.

I have yet to try 5-meo-dmt as previously stated, but I am more than willing to give it a chance (or several chances) at revealing to me higher, deeper, and more profound states of consciousness and being.

My few experiences with smoked/vaped n,n-dmt were not all that interesting, and although I respect it, I don't feel like I will get much out of it by revisiting the experience.

Maybe I'm in the minority of people who think that 5-meo-dmt is potentially an all-around much better entheogen.

Thanks again for your input, I am scared to proceed with this but really do want to.


Hi Gurude,

I strongly advice you have a sitter. You don't know what your body is going to do while you are 'away' so a person you can trust to keep you safe is very important.
Also it is important for coming back, which can be very difficult and a trusted person can help you get it together and start integrating.

I don't know about Salvia, had minor doses ages ago and I could see it can take you very far.
But what I know and can tell is this: there is nothing more powerful than 5-meo, there can't be. It takes you there, and I am tired of putting names to it... but yeah infinity, god, eternity you name it.
People who have not liked 5-meo were obviously not prepared or ready to take it.
You must have this deep craving to go to this place, to go beyond yourself, to go beyond this world, to seek the truth above everything else.
Its more than just wanting to 'heal' yourself, although this can happen.
It is on another plane than DMT, and than anything else for that matter.
It is not about being better or worse. It depends on what the use is for: 5-meo is the best tool to get you to experience the truth: that we all are the infinite pure eternal self
but you have to really want this, more than being whatever you think you are now.
and even then maybe it will only happen to some people...
best of luck.