Main Menu

Toad Medicine Awakening

Started by magiktoad, October 23, 2017, 03:46:49 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

magiktoad

Just wanted to drop a quick post and share with everyone how this amazing medicine found its way into my life and the resulting profound life changes it brought me in such a short period of time.   As a quick background, I was always an overly high achieving type-A person who always managed to accomplish everything I set out to in life to do(with most goals being extremely challenging and/or potential deadly if you don't pay attention to the details).  However, this self-inflicted pressure to always succeed, coupled with a completely materialistic view on the world led me to an eventual substance abuse problem that lasted for about a decade.  I was always consciously aware that I wanted no part of the drugs I was using and made attempts to quit every week for 10 years.  Every week I would try to quit and end up completely failing.  I would always tell myself "I know who I am and I can beat this on my own".  My own hubris drove me deeper into an addiction until I eventually had to bring my little secret out to my family and ask for help.  This was when I discovered a treatment center in Mexico focused on healing addictions through the use of ibogaine and 5-Meo-DMT. To keep this rather short, ibogaine did was it was supposed to and allowed me to get through the worst part of getting clean and gave me the opportunity to reflect on why I was using in the first place and why i was unable to quit on my own.  After my ibogaine, I felt like I had a chance but  I still had a lot of anxiety of how or if I was really going to make it. 

Prior to leaving to come back home, I was able to take part in the toad ceremony and that's when life took a very profound and sudden change of course for me.  With my hubris still somewhat intact after the relatively benign ibogaine trip, I was still thinking that I had probably taken more psychedelic trips than most people have taken trips to the grocery store and I figured this 5-MEO experience would be nothing more than a weak lsd trip.  After setting my intentions for the medicine to help me find the strength to be able to move  forward in life completely free from the anxiety and fear from using again which is what ultimately led me to relapsing all the times in the past, I was ready to experience this presumed mild psychedelic.  Within 5 seconds of being administered the toad medicine, all I could think of was this overwhelming feeling of an impending death and a strong desire to resist it.  Remembering that prior to taking the medicine, I was instructed to "let myself go completely to the experience not realizing how challenging that would actually be.  Next thing I remember, an image of my father, with whom I had such a deep connection and bond with but that had passed away a few years prior from cancer, popped into my head.  Along with this image came this overwhelming sadness that made me feel like a 5 year old boy, the sadness that I had been subconsciously carrying around since my best friend had left me.....this overwhelming longing to know where my father had gone and to understand why he didn't say goodbye to his little boy.  This feeling was so intense and so powerful that I remember involuntarily curling up into the fetal position like a 5 year old boys and began to cry like I have never cried before in my life. 

In the second that I experienced this little boys sadness, a thought came to me to let go completely and experience what was about to be shown to me.  At that moment, everything I have ever known or thought I had known about myself or reality shattering into a fractal infinity and I felt my soul being elevated to another realm or state of enlightenment. As I (or my true and best me) entered this void of bright and majestic light that could only be described as being the divine realm, I realized that I was being shown the place where my father had gone once he passed.  Its as if my father could see how devastated his loss was to me and in order for me to be truly free from my addiction I would need to come to peace with knowing that my father really never left me, in fact, the thing he told me most in life was the absolute truth....he used to tell us kids "wherever you go, I go, and wherever I go, you go because we are all on in the same. 

I could continue writing but those were the main things I held onto during my 5-Meo experience.  This happened back in March and it is now almost October.  The profound spiritual nature of that experience flipped my life upside down for the better.  I have been on an information quest ever since that day to help me understand what the hell happened to me during the brief 20-30 minute experience.  Since then, I am a completely different man to my wife and children.  The life review I undertook and multiple enlightenment's I have had since I have been home have been so powerful to me that I HAVE to share my experience with as many people as I can.   

At any rate, thanks for listening and I am looking forward to taking part in more group discussions.
"In oneself lies the whole world, and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand.  Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open...except yourself."  -Jiddu Krishnamurti

Flux

Welcome Magiktoad

Thank you for sharing this deeply moving experience. We also have a section for testimonials in which you might like to post this as well.

Gracias

Handshake

Welcome!

Please post your experience in the Experiences section so that it can be archived!

We look forward to your further discussions and contributions.  <3 _/|\_

Xzen

Quote
"In oneself lies the whole world, and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand.  Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open...except yourself."  -Jiddu Krishnamurti

A brilliant testimonial; & I love your signature
, magiktoad_/|\_ Welcome & thank you.

So that your sharing is easily seen, I echo HumbleVoyager's request that you also post this in the Experience Reports section of the forum. There is both a synthetic & an organic subsection for testimonials, designed to allow us opportunity to reflect on differences & similarities in both substances, as information is collated.

~*~
Xzen

Medicinemann

What a profound experience and great description - what a beautiful gift