MrToad Introduction

[MrToad]

Hi All,


I had a toad experience summer 2017 and I can now have a lot to say about my integration.  Especially for the first few days afterwards as I had an extremely traumatic experience.  People talk about finding it hard to sleep, well I didn't sleep or eat properly for five days after the Toad.  I believe I had a serious serotonergic reaction.  I was lucky and I can imagine situations where people have long lasting brain damage or psychosis.


Perhaps by sharing my experience I hope that perhaps others will not have an experience as bad or worse than mine.


Confusingly, I did learn a lot from the experience.  Now I find myself more accepting of fear and anxiety, I can meditate and focus on the raw sensations of the biochemical reaction of fear and anxiety.


It is very tempting for my ego to believe that I did the right thing by taking the Toad because now I seem to be much better at using meditation to stop over intellectualising "negative" biochemical states.  Nevertheless it was not the Toad that did this, it was all the things I did after the Toad, e.g. I took a mindfulness course, I changed job, etc.  I guess the big question is would I have done all these things if I had not gone through that traumatic experience?  Surely if someone had just said to me "hey dude, you should try this mindfulness course and change your line of work for a while, this will solve a lot of your problems" would I have listened to them?


Anyway as you can see I'm still confused and struggling to understand what happened to me, hence wanting to talk to others.

[Handshake]

Welcome!

You've come to the right place. Part of the reason for this forum is to create a space where people can receive help after challenging experiences. Sharing your experience in the Toad Experiences section and for ongoing help with integration you are welcome to PM others that you feel may be helpful or you may post in the Preparation and Integration board.

Thank you for coming here and thank you for all your efforts to integrate this experience as best you can. You're taking many excellent steps. Please let us know in the boards what we can do to help you.

In Love and Service,
HV