Author Topic: 2 different experiences  (Read 25 times)

Offline spoutnikp

  • Tadpole
  • *
  • Posts: 2
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
2 different experiences
« on: February 13, 2018, 04:34:34 AM »
I took 5-Meo-DMT (synthetic, don't know the quantity) 2 times, both with a group of 8 or so. The first time was in October. I was not nervous, but did not know what to expect. Years of meditation and 4 years of participating in about 50 ceremonies of Ayahuasca brought me to experience Oneness and I was expecting something of this sort. I read about the Toad and I knew it could be a good fit for this. The day of the gathering, I was the last one to breathe the medicine. I saw a woman orgasming for more than half an hour, other people emerging with a blissful smile. One guy wanted to check with us telling us everything is alright, while under the influence. The practitioner made a good initiation upfront, telling us we should not expect anything and everything could happen. When it was my turn to take the glass pipe, after some breathing exercises, I took a long inhalation. There was this big roaring wave of energy wiping all my sensations, I felt the practitioner helping me lie down. It felt as my breathing was not so automatic, I felt gasping at first but the waves soon were a big ocean of energy and I felt my little body at the bottom of this sea breathing very thinly. I had no choice but to surrender. This was a blissful, full frontal, very intense energy, alike when there is snow on the TV set. At the same time it felt incredibly familiar and intimate. Not sure how to give a good account of this but the consciousness was without an object. I regain a sense of my body and felt the need to stand. I could feel from inside the unity with the other participants, as if we were fingers of the same hand. When I opened my eyes, I could see the city (we were in a loft on the tenth floor and a big bay window showed the city) and feel one consciousness constructing everything I experienced. Later, some days or weeks after this, I could sometimes feel this same oneness, the same one with everything experience, spontaneously, without looking. Last January, I went for a second serving in the same settings. This time, I do not know why, I felt more nervousness. I wanted to do it again, but parts of me were resistant and fearful. I did not feel like being there. I brought a friend and in a way I was eager to be with it. So I went first. The practitioner offered to take a sip before the big breath. I didn’t go for it in October but this time, I felt it could ease me in the experience. The small dip was powerful enough. I stayed sitting, but the familiar roaring waves took me for some time. I doubted I could do a full inhale after this. But then, what a man’s got to do? I took the full offering. It was again this big ocean of energy, but this time there was a tremendous resistance. It felt like letting go could kill me. I touched a somewhat very big strong dark rock, and could not let ego go. As if this resistance was the building block of who I am. I could not endure this state and even felt the need to cry for help, which I didn’t too identified in my ego. At one point, I just accepted this resistance and the experience suddenly changed. I was at peace. Strongly in my centre. Accompany by the activities of my false self. I felt the need to integrate the experience, so that the transcendence become more immanent. I watched myself, my body-mind throat sang, moved, making a spectacle of itself (or so the thoughts comment) I moved, I danced I whistled. I think I was shown something fundamental in this false me, something I have to accept moving on. In my everyday life, since this experience, I see myself more impatient with people. The false self who liked to be loved to show me more and more his selfish needs. It is not an easy sight, but I am grateful to see all the work I still have to do… All is needed to be done. I am still learning how to let go of all my stories, my perceptions, my sensations, my thinking to reveal the centre I that is I… This familiar knowing of the truth, the beauty and the love that is I.