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What an incredible experience - I feel very blessed

Started by Adventureinmyveins, September 05, 2020, 04:12:59 AM

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[  Background Notes

- Relaxed setting with 5 other people. We spent the first hour or so getting to know each other over tea. The setting was calm, with some light music in the background. We each shared our journey up to this point and how we came to learn about this new experience we were about to have.
- Once we were ready to begin, we all sat quietly as our host lead us through a 30 minute meditation. The aim was to become as relaxed as possible in order to allow ourselves to "let go" during the experience. Obviously, now since, I know exactly what is meant by "letting go" and feel as though I have a lot more to explore if I ever get the opportunity to do this again.
- After our meditation we did three rounds of Wim Hof breathing in order to prepare the lungs to help when holding in the smoke inhalation.
- Because it was my first time doing this, I was up first. I'm glad I went first because I had nothing to judge the experience by and that allowed me to keep an open mind.
- THe 5-meo-dmt was prepared and was smoked out of a glass pipe.

- To prepare me for the experience, I was given a micro dose of less than 5mg. I was instructed to breath in slowly (almost like a sip) as much as possible, and to keep breathing in until I absolutely couldn't breathe in any more. I moved to a nice, soft mattress on the floor and was given a sleep mask. I was softly pushed back onto the mattress and left to dissolve.
- The first experience was nice and light feeling. I felt like my body parts had dissolved from my body and I could see each single part just floating in space. I saw some strange shapes and colours and it all felt much like a dream.
- I came out just fine, feeling like I had just taken a long nap. It was about 5 minutes or so. I went to the bathroom to wash my face in preparation for the real thing.
- Now for the main event! I was given approx 25mg (unsure though) and followed the same instructions. Only this time .... BLAST OFF!
- Below you will find my report and some journalling ...

I don't know how to explain the other night but I do know that it was powerful beyond comprehension. I don't know if I am ready to truly understand what this experience has done or can do to me, but I do know that I want to explore it more. Somehow, it has deeply changed my mind and my body.
But that doesn't mean I am a new person with brand-new thoughts or beliefs. It's not like the Matrix; I don't know Kung Fu. All I know is that I had this experience - I went into this dreamworld and got a taste of pure nothingness. It felt like death. I was so far from me, in fact, it wasn't me at all.
All I remember was my breath: the breath was the only thing tethering me to my body and to earth. I immediately knew afterwards what others were saying when they implored me to "let go". It's hard to let go, because doing so means saying goodbye to who you are, and essentially saying goodbye to life with no guarantees of coming back. In reality, while it's all safe and temporary, it literally feels like you have to make a decision about your death right there and then.

It's incredibly emotional because it's so hard to come to terms with your existence. My words here just will not ever do it justice. I can't explain it to anyone who hasn't been there. But I do know that by letting go of that final element of life - the breath - you are essentially allowing yourself to die.
I cried after my experience because I just realised how hard it is to surrender your life for nothing but ... how do I say this ... nothing but infinity? It made me realise how small and insignificant I am. At the end of the day, we will all dissolve into nothing.
That just doesn't make sense when I say it. I sound stupid. It's almost like something you'd read in a philosophy 101 textbook. What are we as human beings? What is this world? Where do we actually go when we die? Fuck, I don't know. Argh! It's just so much more powerful than you or me.
What is it though?
It's like a dream in high definition. It's like you're in space but it's not "you" in space; it is just space.
There were loud noises, like the kind you would expect to hear in an engine room of a rocket ship. After takeoff and upon arriving in space, the noise changed to a loud ringing buzz. It sounded like the aftermath of an explosion where your ear drums are have burst and are outright screaming. Layered on top was a deep reverberation of the breath. A deep, hollow echo up and down.
You don't see much. And I know this sounds stupid, but maybe that's because you have no eyes to see with. Maybe that's because you're not in a body. You're in space without a suit and you're dead ... and you're infinite. There are no words to describe it and there are no descriptions that will EVER do it justice.
Right now, I'm just trying to pick up the pieces and see what the puzzle looks like. I don't know if the experience will change who I am or what I will be doing with my life. It's not a cure-all that brings immediate clarity and purpose to one's life. I see this profound experience as a tool.
Put it this way: a hammer can be used to build a house, however a hammer can also be used to smash a glass jar. A hammer can be whatever you want it to be. Using a hammer for what it is intended to be used for (building a house) is when it can become a powerful tool.
I think the same rule applies here, although I don't yet know what this tool is. Furthermore, I don't know what its intentions are for me in this body and this lifetime.
All I know, is that I now know. That in itself, is a powerful enough reason to question my total existence.


Thanks Aimv, nice post... I've often read of the impossibility of describing the indescribable; I think you've pinged it well.