reflections on first time

[Rogierp]

Hi everyone,

I would like to share a part of my first time doing 5, because that part is the most difficult to integrate. Perhaps your reflections can help me further in this.
I am a fairly experienced psychonaut and trained psychedelic facilitator. I have been fortunate enough to be guided by two very experienced mentors and my first experience was therefore a safe and indescribably beautiful experience.
After inhaling the third - full - dose I was shot into the cosmic bliss that many have already described, and yet indescribable is. I still remember the moment that I said 'goodbye' in total surrender. After that I found myself among the stars. But, and that is the part that I struggle most with in my integration, after some time there (if we pretend that time existed) it felt as if I was entrusted with an enormous secret and that was that everything that had ever been and would yet come in all universes and cosmic being would eventually come to a true and irreversible end. So an end to infinity, which at that moment was also felt in absolute terror, that everything was over in a blip. Infused with the experiencing of all the suffering of everything that had ever existed and would exist.
After that blip, in which everything was over (no hereafter, no infinity), I found myself in nothingness. And that is where I lost it. I still remember getting up and saying to my supervisors: 'guys, I'm losing it for a moment'.
And that is where they helped me enormously. They immediately surrounded me with all their love and safety and I was filled with infinite love and gratitude for being saved. But this was already in Ego-state.
I find it difficult to give the experience of 'the true end of the All' a place. The idea that after experiencing infinite love and bliss of death, there is also nothingness... that is something I can't get my head around yet. And also the experience that I was the one who got to feel this "secret". I'm curious if anyone recognizes this or has experienced something similar.
Safe travels!

[Rising Spirit]

I feel that it's safe to say that most travelers in ceremony with 5-MeO also reaches the point wherein everything percievable dissolves into the formless, empty vacuum of the Void.  On my inaugural voyage, I was confronted with the no-thingness of the core of being.  Of course, I had prepared for decades with deep meditation training but...  nothing really prepares one for self death and the finality of oblivion.  That said, I found that within the terrifying, sheer indivisibilty of it all, much illumination was forthcoming during the phase of recoalecense, which filled my emerging subjectivity with a profound sense of rebirthing and reawakened desire to serve the whole universal web of Source consciousness.  And an immensely great sense of gratitude bloomed and expanded exponentially.  This has always made integration a most cathartic and deeply healing experience.  🙏✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[Rising Spirit]

There are many valid support groups that specialize with integration and balancing the tremendous revelations associated with journeys with 5-MeO-DMT. Granted, it's overwhelming sometimes.  It's silly to suggest just embracing the vast insubstanciality and undifferentiated emptiness of ground zero, by simply saying, "just let yourself go, man."  But on many levels...  it's how it is.  True dat.  Integration truly begins by accepting a particular neutrality and an attitude of grateful surrender.  Walk in peace, friend.  🙏✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️