Hi everyone,
I would like to share a part of my first time doing 5, because that part is the most difficult to integrate. Perhaps your reflections can help me further in this.
I am a fairly experienced psychonaut and trained psychedelic facilitator. I have been fortunate enough to be guided by two very experienced mentors and my first experience was therefore a safe and indescribably beautiful experience.
After inhaling the third - full - dose I was shot into the cosmic bliss that many have already described, and yet indescribable is. I still remember the moment that I said 'goodbye' in total surrender. After that I found myself among the stars. But, and that is the part that I struggle most with in my integration, after some time there (if we pretend that time existed) it felt as if I was entrusted with an enormous secret and that was that everything that had ever been and would yet come in all universes and cosmic being would eventually come to a true and irreversible end. So an end to infinity, which at that moment was also felt in absolute terror, that everything was over in a blip. Infused with the experiencing of all the suffering of everything that had ever existed and would exist.
After that blip, in which everything was over (no hereafter, no infinity), I found myself in nothingness. And that is where I lost it. I still remember getting up and saying to my supervisors: 'guys, I'm losing it for a moment'.
And that is where they helped me enormously. They immediately surrounded me with all their love and safety and I was filled with infinite love and gratitude for being saved. But this was already in Ego-state.
I find it difficult to give the experience of 'the true end of the All' a place. The idea that after experiencing infinite love and bliss of death, there is also nothingness... that is something I can't get my head around yet. And also the experience that I was the one who got to feel this "secret". I'm curious if anyone recognizes this or has experienced something similar.
Safe travels!
I would like to share a part of my first time doing 5, because that part is the most difficult to integrate. Perhaps your reflections can help me further in this.
I am a fairly experienced psychonaut and trained psychedelic facilitator. I have been fortunate enough to be guided by two very experienced mentors and my first experience was therefore a safe and indescribably beautiful experience.
After inhaling the third - full - dose I was shot into the cosmic bliss that many have already described, and yet indescribable is. I still remember the moment that I said 'goodbye' in total surrender. After that I found myself among the stars. But, and that is the part that I struggle most with in my integration, after some time there (if we pretend that time existed) it felt as if I was entrusted with an enormous secret and that was that everything that had ever been and would yet come in all universes and cosmic being would eventually come to a true and irreversible end. So an end to infinity, which at that moment was also felt in absolute terror, that everything was over in a blip. Infused with the experiencing of all the suffering of everything that had ever existed and would exist.
After that blip, in which everything was over (no hereafter, no infinity), I found myself in nothingness. And that is where I lost it. I still remember getting up and saying to my supervisors: 'guys, I'm losing it for a moment'.
And that is where they helped me enormously. They immediately surrounded me with all their love and safety and I was filled with infinite love and gratitude for being saved. But this was already in Ego-state.
I find it difficult to give the experience of 'the true end of the All' a place. The idea that after experiencing infinite love and bliss of death, there is also nothingness... that is something I can't get my head around yet. And also the experience that I was the one who got to feel this "secret". I'm curious if anyone recognizes this or has experienced something similar.
Safe travels!