I share this experience to say that it is possible to go very far with 5 meo dmt. I believe that it is an experience made for people who want to go to the de las of what we can propose currently, I believe that people who lose consciousness at high doses do not have the strength to manage psychically or physically the experience. There is a clash between the conscious and the unconscious that takes place, even if I prepared myself mentally to die for a long time, living it was still an ordeal, you have to know that I already lived a near death experience in my childhood and that it is for this reason that I wanted to consume 5 meo dmt to understand what I lived in the past.
I do agree to an extent but I honestly do feel that no mortal person is strong enough to keep their own personal existential paradigmn wholly intact through such an encounter with the sheer oblivion unleashed by 5-MeO-DMT. That said, just prior to the whiteout interphase and post eclipsing, lifetimes of understanding can flood into one's being. At the appex, subjectivity is impossible, as entering the undifferentiated field strips us of our ordinary human compass, for a seemingly brief spell. Decades of meditation, concentration, contemplation, quantum theorizing, philosophising, breathwork and/or sensory deprivation, do greatly aid the voyager to a highly tangible degree but NOTHING can quite prepare us for this immense self-erasure (ego death).
That said, those who have learned to surrender to the insubstantial force which our entire universe is created by, sustained by and eventually will be destroyed by or rather, reabsorbed by said force... do indeed have a peculiar receptivity to containing the details and impressions that occur during journeys with this most sacred of medicines. As you have clearly experienced, meeting
God directly is more than a subject/object interplay. The fusion literally devours our subjectivity. The nondual eclipsing is so amazing I am at a loss with words to describe. Besides, our limited human dialect can only effectively convey so much, eh?
To live the imminent death in this way is really an incredible experience, the time was at the same time all and nothing, it is difficult for me to explain with words, I saw myself in a cosmic whole, I saw my place in the universe, that removed an enormous weight from me, the experience really helped me to free myself from a fear, that to die. Before, I was just struggling. That's all I can say about the phenomena I experienced.
I was in a state of shock, like a second birth but awake, brutal, unexpected and calculated, it is as if the destiny had imposed me to live this, I had a realization on the nature of myself. The place that I chose was very important to support me during this moment, I believe that deep inside I was prepared to live this since always, I feel really well, better than well, I realized that I had the power to manage this, I believe that the most important is not finished, after 12 hours I still feel the effects.
Bravo! On each of my twelve journeys with 5-MeO-DMT, I consciously dissolved, enigmatically into a vast vortexial fulcrum which completely erased my fragile personal framework, my accustomed mortal reference points, entirely! Not at all comatose but vibrating at an incredibly high frequency. The brainwave state this human vessel produced was most likely within the Lambda wave frequency (or so I humbly suggest). I believe that in Zen, this is what is pointed towards by the descriptive, No Mind. Human thought lifted into a trance state, washed away incrementally, but still enigmattically pulsing in rythem with it's own primordial epicenter...
Samadhi. This is the spiritual summit generations of mystics, magicians, theologians, monks and ascetics fervently seek in earnest, world over. It's a most sacred gift that the Source shares with the psychonautically inclined amongst us.
Now the old Buddhist notion of a vast luminous emptiness seems quite relevant. I have always been drawn to the word
Sunyata to point towards such a limitless, blinding spiritual effulgence, whose quintessence exists beyond all substantiality. I like that. I also vibe with the notion of the Eternal Tao. Yet, said force which seems inherent within everything... is no-thing at all. Not a thing but the source of all things? It may well be the cause of all that is? Whatever the whiteout experience gifts is relative to the individual but at the peak, an undifferentiated vacuum dissolves away the lines of any and all separation.
"The clear light of the void".
Godspeed my intrepid friend. I likewise feel a focused need to ground-out the epiphany, find buoyancy and healing. Thanx so much for sharing your profound experience!
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