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Messages - spoutnikp

Thank you, feel so great right now, the integration process go on and on :-)
Introductions/Newbies / Re: Hi there ::: presentation
February 25, 2018, 11:46:17 AM
Thank you HumbleVoyager,

Feeling this place is very welcoming  :D
I took 5-Meo-DMT (synthetic, don't know the quantity) 2 times, both with a group of 8 or so. The first time was in October. I was not nervous, but did not know what to expect. Years of meditation and 4 years of participating in about 50 ceremonies of Ayahuasca brought me to experience Oneness and I was expecting something of this sort. I read about the Toad and I knew it could be a good fit for this. The day of the gathering, I was the last one to breathe the medicine. I saw a woman orgasming for more than half an hour, other people emerging with a blissful smile. One guy wanted to check with us telling us everything is alright, while under the influence. The practitioner made a good initiation upfront, telling us we should not expect anything and everything could happen. When it was my turn to take the glass pipe, after some breathing exercises, I took a long inhalation. There was this big roaring wave of energy wiping all my sensations, I felt the practitioner helping me lie down. It felt as my breathing was not so automatic, I felt gasping at first but the waves soon were a big ocean of energy and I felt my little body at the bottom of this sea breathing very thinly. I had no choice but to surrender. This was a blissful, full frontal, very intense energy, alike when there is snow on the TV set. At the same time it felt incredibly familiar and intimate. Not sure how to give a good account of this but the consciousness was without an object. I regain a sense of my body and felt the need to stand. I could feel from inside the unity with the other participants, as if we were fingers of the same hand. When I opened my eyes, I could see the city (we were in a loft on the tenth floor and a big bay window showed the city) and feel one consciousness constructing everything I experienced. Later, some days or weeks after this, I could sometimes feel this same oneness, the same one with everything experience, spontaneously, without looking. Last January, I went for a second serving in the same settings. This time, I do not know why, I felt more nervousness. I wanted to do it again, but parts of me were resistant and fearful. I did not feel like being there. I brought a friend and in a way I was eager to be with it. So I went first. The practitioner offered to take a sip before the big breath. I didn't go for it in October but this time, I felt it could ease me in the experience. The small dip was powerful enough. I stayed sitting, but the familiar roaring waves took me for some time. I doubted I could do a full inhale after this. But then, what a man's got to do? I took the full offering. It was again this big ocean of energy, but this time there was a tremendous resistance. It felt like letting go could kill me. I touched a somewhat very big strong dark rock, and could not let ego go. As if this resistance was the building block of who I am. I could not endure this state and even felt the need to cry for help, which I didn't too identified in my ego. At one point, I just accepted this resistance and the experience suddenly changed. I was at peace. Strongly in my centre. Accompany by the activities of my false self. I felt the need to integrate the experience, so that the transcendence become more immanent. I watched myself, my body-mind throat sang, moved, making a spectacle of itself (or so the thoughts comment) I moved, I danced I whistled. I think I was shown something fundamental in this false me, something I have to accept moving on. In my everyday life, since this experience, I see myself more impatient with people. The false self who liked to be loved to show me more and more his selfish needs. It is not an easy sight, but I am grateful to see all the work I still have to do... All is needed to be done. I am still learning how to let go of all my stories, my perceptions, my sensations, my thinking to reveal the centre I that is I... This familiar knowing of the truth, the beauty and the love that is I.
Introductions/Newbies / Hi there ::: presentation
February 10, 2018, 12:17:29 PM
Hi everyone,
It is suggested that I present myself  O0

When I was younger, I did a lot of meditation and Qi Gong, but was never disciplined enough to go on for very long periods. Anything else seemed more important. I was reading on spirituality, tried Mantras, mindfulness but most of the time, even when I was calm and energised, I felt it was a little bit of boring. My ego was always in the way, though I couldn't see or feel or know truly what was the ego. Then a friend invited me in an Ayahuasca ceremony in 2014. I was never in shamanism and psychadelics, I had many negative bias toward it. The experience lifted a cloud. People who didn't know where I went commented how they felt I changed after this week-end. Since then I participated in many Ceremonies of Ayahuasca. (About 50) All the meditations that were previously so unfruitful seems now transformative. In 2017, it was my intention to experience more and more Oneness. Not just thinking about Oneness and see the concept, but having the experience. In many ways, layers after layers, I revealed more and more my center. My source. One of the friend I met through Ayahuasca was experiencing with the Toad and he told me about it. It felt like a good fit for my intentions. Since October I took 5-MeO-DMT 2 times. The first experience was so blissfully aligned to my intention to experience Oneness that I gave a second go last January. The second time it was more difficult, felt a lot of resistance ( that I eventualy accept). The true work continue to this day, oscillating between moments of impatience and confusion and the integration of this Oneness as not to feel only it's transcendance, but the immanent working of it in my everyday life. I feel more open and calm, even when the shit hit the fan, I accept more and more and feel the very fondational peace that is I. I want to thank you for all the testimonies read here, it helped a lot. You gave me many reference point to ponder. English is not my first language so sorry for the weird forming sentences. Deep gratitude !