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My Very First 5 Experience, 5 Years Ago.

Started by Rising Spirit, August 22, 2023, 10:02:45 AM

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Rising Spirit

The very first time that I smoked 5-MeO-DMT was just over five years ago.  Within seconds...  I experienced falling forwards into an immense void.  My capacity for any subjective perception dissolved into the sheerest emptiness imaginable.  Just moments before all differentiations whited-out, I was certain that I had killed myself.  Then all strata of reality became a silent, insubstantial vacuum of sorts, absorbing and erasing any iota of separation. 

Were there a self witnessing the dissolution, it might have been rather terrifying but all distinction betwixt the inside and the outside had vanished.  All there was, as I later recalled, was this boundaryless, directionless,  no-thingness.  It wasn't all inky blackness nor a blinding luminosity.  It was totally unknown and unknowable, ineffible yet all-pervasive.  This zero point is impossible to describe, naturally, as it is wholly nondual.  Yet, being a monkey...  I must chatter all about what cannot even be feasibly spoken of, nor ever put into language.   Lol. 🐒

I can't say how long this was an endlessly, beginningless, looping continuum...  as I was technically not even there.  Perhaps there is an absolute wealth of unborn potentiation, silently gestating within it's limitless formlessness?  That said and upon further remembrance, after what seemed an infinite degree of silence, a vibration began to be felt.  An oscillation ignited this epic cross friction.  An urge to exist, to be, to experience conscious-awareness incrementally seeded itself as a dawning realization of a dichotomy, a dynamic of self orientation re-crystallized. 

The vibration increased until is was distinctly audible.  But to whom?  The indivisibility of the nondual field began to divide and be divided into individualized cognition and a knowledge of existing.  That which perceives, became aware of that which is perceived.  The unborn was born anew and a powerful desire to exist began to pulse with increased urgency.  The "I" that had dissolved so quickly, re-coalesced into some kind of ancient, yet infantile urge to become.  To be rebirthed into duality. 

But why?  I don't suppose anyone will ever know.  Then there was suddenly a blinding white light exploding from everywhere and from no where.  "Let there be Light!".  Said luminosity manifested some kind of mirrored interplay between the Light itself and the witness to the effulgence.   The auditory vibration pulsed in sync with the rest of the boudaryless light field.  It hummed and crackled, echoing this roaring force, emanating from some unfathomable quietude. 

The newly reborn composite, I/me/myself, that became an individuated vortexial fulcrum, began tearing up.  I had been reborn, separate from the Oneness but deeply in love with the divinity of the whole.  Ego-self wept from the pain of the separation but delighted in the sincere worship of the Godhead.  I suspect that I was in such pure ecstasy for some good measure of time! 

I seemed to recall desiring to become.  Longing to love and be loved in return.  I was both the subject and the object, entwined in some cosmic, mysterious dance.  An understanding of my need to become sentient, bloomed from deeply inside of a mortal heart.  I had remembered now just why I had chosen to be born.  An immense need to create dimensionality resided within the universal pulse which was echoed in the beating of a human heart.  With every heartbeat, a dreaming self declared it's existential being.  I am.  I exist.  But do I really?  How can one be both, the Source and the reflection? 

A sudden remembrance popped up within the fabric of my mind, of having always being at the epicenter of all paradigms all at once and also, of being every little particle and photon riding the waves further away from the unbroken Omniscience...  thus, manifesting an eternity in the making.  Gratitude replaced the blissfulness of indivisibility and a tremendous feeling of wanting to do good service to all other dreaming selves.  I thank you all for arriving here, now.  Together we must heal ourselves and each other.   If love is the buzz and I believe that it surely is...  I emphatically love you all and fiercely so!  Aho, Namaste and Namaskar.

🙏💜👁�💜🙏
There is no self to which I cling, for I am one with everything.

spritoflight



Dear Rising Spirit :)

I feel a kinship with you

I study Advaita Vedanta through a beloved scolar of Ramana Maharshi. I was blessed to meet him last year (before my first 5MEO) and asked if he thought psychedelics could be helpful to go within : 'No', the teacher said.
But it was my prarabha to take 5MEO. I stayed with the memory of that powerfull experience  (where I sank at the bottom of myself - union) for a year before going back to him and exposing it, asking if it was true spirituality. 'No, it is not'. It was certainly disapointing and I still think he doesn't understand ! How arrogant!!

He said :
Drugs can only affect what appears in our awareness and whatever is experienced is nourrishing ego.
Drugs cannot drive the mind within only grace can.
Drugs can only lead to a state of 'manolaya', like sleep, wich has no spiritual benefit or lead to more experiences.
Only the mere awarness of I AM can dissolve ego, 'manonassa'.


I inhaled three increasing doses of 5 and tried to apply atma vichara with all my heart. With the first two doses, Ego experienced some sense of expansion and loosening until it got to the bottom of itself. The pure I thought. Light and love. The most striking experience was to be in that state and to try to think of my friends present in the room ; I could not hold that thought for long, I saw the I thought engulfing them, I became them, they became me without ceasing to exist. Union and bliss.
The third dose was strong enough to wipe out ego, gone, 'monalaya', sleep-like state, no recollection for a while. When ego came back, it was in some kind of 'fighting to survive mode', desperalty trying to cling to something outside, birthing itself through separation. Seeing my own arrogance, I felt compassion for myslef, asked for pardon to my friends and closed my eyes.

I was touched that you waited 5 years to share with words what is unspeakable. The answers given by the teacher helped me to see how attached I am to this experience of union. How I refer to it when I think about God. I feel you are too.

May we only be free :)

Rising Spirit

#2
Quote from: spritoflight on September 05, 2023, 05:30:13 PMquote author=spritoflight link=msg=56885 date=1693956613]I study Advaita Vedanta through a beloved scolar of Ramana Maharshi. I was blessed to meet him last year (before my first 5MEO) and asked if he thought psychedelics could be helpful to go within : 'No', the teacher said. But it was my prarabha to take 5MEO. I stayed with the memory of that powerfull experience  (where I sank at the bottom of myself - union) for a year before going back to him and exposing it, asking if it was true spirituality. 'No, it is not'. It was certainly disapointing and I still think he doesn't understand ! How arrogant!!
Namaskar, my friend.  Sri Ramana Maharshi has been one of my biggest inspirations for over 45 years now.  My infatuation with Advaita Vedanta began with the writings of Sri Swami Vivekananda, whose eloquent words ignited a flame within my mind's heart.  I threw myself into the teachings of Adi Shankaracharya and honestly, severe austerity and a life of total monastic renunciation is not my path.  That said, timeless wisdom touches each of us in unique ways...  and the ultimate truth is that there are no differences between oneself and The Self.  I've a penchant for naming the higher Self as, the Omniself, as it is all selves at once and yet, remains  unbound by any division nor differentiations.

I strongly feel that direct experience is the only way to merge into states of Samadhi and lose the illusion of one's finite identity. Reliance on any teaching, meditation method or sacred medicine, is still operating within the dualistic realm and frankly, until a seed is ready to sprout, it's silly to adhere concretely to the narrow monastic or scholarly way.

QuoteHe said :
Drugs can only affect what appears in our awareness and whatever is experienced is nourrishing ego.
Drugs cannot drive the mind within only grace can.
Drugs can only lead to a state of 'manolaya', like sleep, wich has no spiritual benefit or lead to more experiences.
Only the mere awarness of I AM can dissolve ego, 'manonassa'.

Grace manifests in many ways.  Worshipping the physical form or spiritual teachings of the Guru cannot automatically bestow Grace.  And while "Drugs" do indeed fuel the ego of the traveler...  entheogenic compounds are not drugs.  Nath yogis, Buddhists and Taoists have used alchemy for thousands if years in their sadhana. If you look closely into the original 1942 printing of Autobiography Of A Yogi, there are clear references of entheogenic substances being used by Sri Lahiri Mahasaya, when he was first reunited with his Gurudeva, Sri Babaji Maharaj.  I will find them and post them here, later on.       

QuoteI was touched that you waited 5 years to share with words what is unspeakable. The answers given by the teacher helped me to see how attached I am to this experience of union. How I refer to it when I think about God. I feel you are too.

One of the greatest ironies about dissolving into the nondual Source, is that we are most compelled to communicate something of the experience, after being reborn into corporeal, material reality. Granted, nothing can be said of the fusion...  but in the post eclipsing aftermath of the whiteout unification, some small jewels crystallizes within the mind's heart and find expression through thoughts, deeds and in essence, vibrationally. And yes, may all souls find ecstatic solice in the realization of undifferentiated, seamless Oneness.  Aho, Namaste and Namaskar. 
There is no self to which I cling, for I am one with everything.

Rising Spirit

My apologies for referencing the "1942 printing of Autobiography Of A Yogi" as it was actually published in 1946. That being said, later editions were edited thoroughly by the Self Realization Fellow and censorship was applied.  And I am not professing that entheogenic compounds are valid alternatives to strict Yogic training.  For myself they are not mutually exclusive.  It is as clear as crystal that Sri Lahiri Mahasaya didn't publicly advocate using hashish or herbal drinks to his students, the decades he was a spiritual teacher.  He taught a scientific methodology known of as Kriya Yoga... but upon his first reacquaintance with his Gurudeva, imbibed what was undoubtedly hash oil and mention if herbal drinks prepared by the Master Yogi.  So without further adieu, I cut and pasted the passage I had mentioned above.

"For more than three decades I have waited for you here—waited for you to return to me!' Babaji's voice rang with celestial love. 'You slipped away and vanished into the tumultuous waves of the life beyond death. The magic wand of your karma touched you, and you were gone! Though you lost sight of me, never did I lose sight of you! I pursued you over the luminescent astral sea where the glorious angels sail. Through gloom, storm, upheaval, and light I followed you, like a mother bird guarding her young. As you lived out your human term of womb-life, and emerged a babe, my eye was ever on you. When you covered your tiny form in the lotus posture under the Nadia sands in your childhood, I was invisibly present! Patiently, month after month, year after year, I have watched over you, waiting for this perfect day. Now you are with me! Lo, here is your cave, loved of yore! I have kept it ever clean and ready for you. Here is your hallowed asana-blanket, where you daily sat to fill your expanding heart with God! Behold there your bowl, from which you often drank the nectar prepared by me! See how I have kept the brass cup brightly polished, that you might drink again therefrom! My own, do you now understand?' (perhaps something akin to Ayahuasca?)

"'My guru, what can I say?' I murmured brokenly. 'Where has one ever heard of such deathless love?' I gazed long and ecstatically on my eternal treasure, my guru in life and death.

"'Lahiri, you need purification. Drink the oil in this bowl and lie down by the river.' Babaji's practical wisdom, I reflected with a quick, reminiscent smile, was ever to the fore.

"I obeyed his directions. Though the icy Himalayan night was descending, a comforting warmth, an inner radiation, began to pulsate in every cell of my body. I marveled. Was the unknown oil imbued with a cosmical heat?  (possibly hash oil?)

"Bitter winds whipped around me in the darkness, shrieking a fierce challenge. The chill wavelets of the Gogash River lapped now and then over my body, outstretched on the rocky bank. Tigers howled near-by, but my heart was free of fear; the radiant force newly generated within me conveyed an assurance of unassailable protection. Several hours passed swiftly; faded memories of another life wove themselves into the present brilliant pattern of reunion with my divine guru.

"My solitary musings were interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps. In the darkness, a man's hand gently helped me to my feet, and gave me some dry clothing.

"'Come, brother,' my companion said. 'The master awaits you.'

"He led the way through the forest. The somber night was suddenly lit by a steady luminosity in the distance.

"'Can that be the sunrise?' I inquired. 'Surely the whole night has not passed?".   _/|\_  _/|\_
There is no self to which I cling, for I am one with everything.