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Topics - knulp

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Preparation and Integration / Post-experience struggles/issues
« on: June 10, 2018, 03:56:33 PM »

Had my first 5-meo experience yesterday via inhaling vaporized toad venom. It was as expected beyond intense and unlike anything I've ever experienced. I don't know that I'd say it was 100% positive, but it wasn't really negative per se either. Maybe felt the unitive nature of things right in the beginning but recall it more like seeing it, and hearing it, and energetically feeling it, but not feeling 100% IT myself, more like witnessing it very closely.

Then there was a good 40 min of tons of energy moving through me, dry heaving, feeling like I was vomiting energy. Going back and forth between getting pulled back to my ego/reality and releasing into the energetic totality of what was happening.

Anyway afterward there wasn't much integration/care from the providers. I was offered to share w/them if I wanted to but I was in no space to talk or make sense of what happened. They also didn't smile at me much which I really don't think helped things. I went and sat alone in nature for a while and some dude waiting his turn came over to me wanting to hear about my experience, very friendly but I wish I didn't speak to him. I was ok just chilling and watching the vibrancy of the green grass etc., and basking in the thankfulness that I wasn't permanently tripping, as I thought I was for the first couple of minutes upon coming back from the 2-3 minute ego-/self-less release after inhaling the medicine.

That was about 30 hours ago. I came home and had a headache for several hours that was pretty bad. It went away and I was able to sleep pretty well last night. I woke up feeling pretty good and soon realized I was a bit altered, like the beginning or end of a mushroom trip. That has waxed and waned all day today, about eight hours now. It was pleasant in the morning, especially when I went for a walk in nature. I came back and meditated w/sound however, which is my usual practice, and I'd say things haven't been so rosy since then. I read the conclave's integration guidelines and I see this is not advised for grounding. I think I'm in definite need of grounding.

I walked more in nature and even mowed the lawn, and these things seemed to help. When I lay down or sit around I start to feel "off," uncomfortable, and a slight creeping feeling that I fucked up by doing 5-meo or that the providers fucked me over by their nonchalant care ...

I guess my questions are: is this next-day trippiness common? I don't see much about it when I look online for it. Most accounts talk about the experience being over w/in 40 min and then potential reactivation of the full release state, but not this low-grade tripping sensation.

Also I am wondering about my diet: I approximated an ayahuasca diet for about three days prior to yesterday, and am still doing it. I feel like I should probably start to eat more like I usually eat, which is very healthy regardless but includes a lot of oils that are no-nos on the aya diet--olive, avocado, grass-fed butter, coconut. I think I thrive w/a lot of healthy fats so I wonder if this is part of why I'm feeling like I am. It seems intuitive to me to start eating normally again but I'm scared, I don't want to screw anything up any more than I may already have (which, who knows, maybe my psychological makeup is just too sensitive for 5-meo?). I did read that smoking the medicine bypasses the gut so the normal amazonian diet rules don't really apply, but I'm still scared..

Finally I'm thinking of reaching out to an energy healer I've had great success w/in general ... haven't seen her in close to two years but it seems like a good time to get an appointment booked. Again I see this as recommended in the conclave guidelines but now there's this nagging suspicion that I can't trust my decisions and I'm going to make things worse somehow ...

So, just reaching out for some support. If anyone has any kind words of encouragement that would probably make the most difference at this point, but I'm also genuinely after some info about diet and whether this low-grade tripping is common. Seeing as this is one of if not the most powerful enthoegens around, I feel like it's not the craziest thing to still be feeling altered the next day ... but again, I haven't read about that elsewhere.

Fwiw I've never done ayahuasca or n,n, dmt, only mushrooms, peyote, opium, hash, and pot. I used to do a lot of those things, especially pot and mushrooms, and stopped like 15 years ago. Had a low-dose mushroom experience in October of 2017 and that's been it since like 2003. So I feel like maybe that helps make sense of how affected I am, but I read about people who've never done psychedelics doing 5-meo and having blissful experiences the whole way through ...

Thanks a lot-

Introductions/Newbies / Hello
« on: June 10, 2018, 03:23:36 PM »
Hi, read through the site over the past couple of weeks as I prepared for my toad experience, which was yesterday. Have some specific questions I want to ask regarding my post-toad experience (now), so posting this intro in order to ask those questions in the proper place. Thanks-

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