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Topics - Infinite Spirit

  This is a description of a recent 5-MeO-DMT experience. I really appreciate the opportunity to share my experiences with this incredible medicine & hearing from others feels like a wonderful way to connect, learn & remember. Putting what so often feels ineffable into words is a challenge, but it's worthwhile to try, whilst recognising that any attempt at describing the experience of this incredible teacher is destined to fall short.
This dose was 8 mg of synthetic 5-MeO-DMT. I have previously done '5' in the form of 120 mg of toad medicine yet I had never tried the synthetic version before. I had been assured of & trusted in the strength and purity of the material and was interested to compare the experience to my experience with the toad. The setting was a safe appropriate environment, specifically created to be a worthy container for ceremonies with strong entheogens. My sitter was my husband, with whom I've shared many ceremonies & whose ability to hold space whatever may arise, I trust implicitly.
I felt anticipation and certainly a degree of fear beforehand. Despite having worked with the medicines for many years, with considerable experience with N,N-DMT, my previous session with toad medicine had been one of, if not the, most intense enhanced state of consciousness that I had ever experienced. It had been so earth shatteringly powerful, a complete ego-death, that it had taken me nearly 6 months to integrate it enough to feel ready to return to that space.
I set my intention, meditated, prayed, and did some techniques with the breath & voice which I find beneficial before ceremony. We were using a glass GVG Sherlock vaporizer to smoke the material. I held the pipe, sparked the torch lighter and inhaled one long slow breath, until there was no more smoke. I recall for a brief moment thinking 'oh, I'm not sure this is going to be that strong', as I lay back. Immediately, an intense overwhelming rush of energy flowed through my body forcing me to sit bolt upright. I was catapulted into a fractal landscape comprising of incredibly fast moving bands of bright light that I was surging through. The speed & intensity was overwhelming as 'I' collapsed into the experience, with no choice but to let go with each passing, be open & let go, let go, let go. It felt as though an energy had re-awoken deep within and was now bursting out through every pore of my body, splitting 'me' into a billion tiny fragments. The narratives of 'me', as an identity, were being forced through the eye of an entheogenic needle until what remained was an embodiment of the energetic aspect of god consciousness within us all. Let go of the patterns, habits, stories that my ego has constructed, let go of fear, let go of all that isn't awareness of the divine beings that we are. And in that awareness of the need to let go, comes an awareness of the work that is needed, now. An awareness that this is an opportunity for deep healing and release. 'I' could be in the flow of this divine energy through the use of movement & sound. To let go, meant allowing that energy to do as it needed with no restriction, to allow the frequencies to come through this voice, to allow this body to facilitate the shifts through specific movement, to release energetic blocks through sound. The combination of various patterns of breathing, frequencies & movement created a river that allowed a torrent of energy to flow through in the way it had to. The sounds came from deep within & from beyond, songs that needed to come through, deep base chants, higher frequencies, overtones, breath work patterns in sync with mudras created with the hands and arms. Waves of sound rolled through my human form, and through the letting go into that sound, the journey went deeper and deeper. And then the purge came. Rocking onto my knees, I fell forwards at my husbands feet, my throat opened and I began to wretch; spitting, snot running from my nose, tears streaming down my face, saliva dripping from my mouth...and it felt incredible. To surrender & purge what needed to be released. I felt overwhelmed by a sense of deep gratitude - gratitude for the work, for this path, for the healing that it has enabled, for the guidance offered, for sound & other tools that can facilitate the navigation of these states of consciousness. Unlike various ayahuasca or psilocybin experiences where there are often narratives and stories surrounding the purging: an awareness of what had caused specific blocks or trauma, within this healing experience there was no narrative, there was no room for stories about my past, there was only an energy that was moving & shifting & shedding parts of itself to make room for growth. My 'story' didn't matter. The energy that embodies this human form in this moment had found its way to the heart of the divine where it could do the work needed to heal itself. All these words seem futile as I write them as they are me now trying to record something that is so indescribable. Much of this experience is hard to recall because it felt like 'I' had died & what was left was an energetic process propelled forwards by the medicine, sound & movement. After about 15 minutes, 'I' became more present & felt the need to be free of my clothes. Getting naked, I proceeded to dance, to chant & sing, to laugh with an overwhelming sense of pure unadulterated joy & gratitude for the divinity within us all, for the power & healing potential of these medicines, for the work that had come & that which was yet to come. I then entered a fruitful phase of guidance, connecting to several guides I have been working with for some time. These were fascinating moments during the experience. It felt as though the initial phase has been about cleansing and releasing, and once this main purge & bodywork had been concluded & 'I' began to return, a new phase with different kind of teachings could occur. I am a sound healer & within this ceremonial space I have several large gongs, drums, singing bowls & other instruments. I spent the remainder of the experience playing a large gong & singing, listen to what needed to be heard, singing what needed to be sung, as I slowly grounded back into the space assisted by the sounds.
Wow - this was a deeply healing experience, which I feel so grateful for. I am certain I won't be leaving it so long before diving in again. The potential of this medicine is endless and I am keen to go deeper & open to further teachings. I'm glad I started using the synthetic 5-MeO-DMT at this dose, but I also look forward to higher doses. Regarding comparisons between the synthetic 5-MeO and the toad medicine, they're obviously unique individual experiences, in different settings, at different points in my journey, however I certainly feel there wasn't any distinguishable difference between both of the medicines ability to transport me into that divine connected state of consciousness. Both felt like incredible doorways to the heart of god consciousness with an intensity & authenticity that I haven't found to the same degree, in any other medicines.
I use various practices on a daily basis such as meditation, breath, body & voice work and I find them all to be amazing tools for integration. In the weeks following this ceremony, I was able to attain much deeper states of meditation and with the use of drums & other instruments have reached unusually deep states of trance for journeying within.
I feel so blessed to be on this journey with an awareness of these incredible medicines, to find the tools I need to heal & to be open to the teachings available. I've been enjoying reading others posts & am looking forward to doing a lot more research here & having the oppurtunity to learn & share. What a wonderful resource & enviroment to connect with people also exploring conciousness through the use of these sacred medicines. With the choice between embodying the energy of love or fear, I certainly pray I can continue to embody love at every turn on this path. Much love to all you explorers of consciousness working with these divine medicines - much love  :) <3 _/|\_
Introductions/Newbies / Grateful to be here
January 17, 2018, 10:09:28 AM
Hi there explorers - Very glad to be here :) . I've been working with entheogens for many years & am hugely grateful for the processes these sacred medicines allow us to engage with. N,N-DMT has lead to profound shifts for me over the years, however, I waited for quite some time before eventually taking the preverbial psychedelic plunge and having my first toad medicine ceremony last year. It was, as most of you no doubt know, like nothing else. What a deeply profound experience that continues to effect the way I live my life each day. Since then, I have experienced synthetic 5-MeO-DMT and found it to be an equally incredible doorway to the heart of the divine conciousness within all that is. So much to learn, so many lessons to integrate, much gratutude to be here to do this work. I look forward to reading & sharing with others, and making connections with those also walking this path on this journey of remembering, as we explore conciousness, opening the doorways within, with these sacred medicines. Thank you for this site & for all that people are contributing to it - it's a blessing to have somewhere to share & connect with others who are exploring the potential of this medicine <3 _/|\_