By gosh, I had all but forgotten about this thread, until someone posted it on a Toad facebook page. It's very interesting for me to read now, almost two years later. 13 months after this older post, I had my inaugural voyage with 5-MeO-DMT. Rarely at a loss for words... I found myself at an immense cross roads, metaphysically speaking. I cannot begin to grok the very highest, peak moments, as I was 100% gone. It's almost like embracing oblivion of the ego constructs, and then being reborn under new laws of witnessing with impartiality and a certain detached transcendence. By a new definition in one's experiential modality, attention shifts from looking outside from the inside, to looking inside from the outside. They endlessly fuse a one expression. I have revisited N,N-DMT twice since then and answered many of my own questions. They are quite different molecules but the sudden load and immediate expansion are the same with both DMTs. My first 5-MeO trip report:
https://forums.5meodmt.org/index.php?topic=50789.0I still can't quite wrap my head around the immensity of the experience, nor the three that followed it, as so much of the interphase occurs in that empty fullness which exists beyond the confines of our conditioning within the realm of duality at large. How does one describe a single drop discovering remembrance of always having been the boundaryless ocean? When the isolated particle recalls being the entirety of the whole universal bang, the fullest bloom of unbound love... no words can truly suffice.
Oneself becomes small very quickly. Awareness becomes intensely primordial. Picture an egg floating in the vast sea of formless source energy. This sacrament almost instantly dissolves the shell, outer membrane and absorbs the egg whites and yoke into an undifferentiated expanse of pure conscious-awareness. As the outer shell rapidly disappears, the barrier betwixt the inner and outer loses it's finite distinction. Observation is still possible to the interior yoke, through its now alternated state of experiential being, yet, the lines are vanishing quickly and subjectivity become a less and less defined. As the energy continues to vibrate into higher and higher frequencies of being, maintaining any degree of separation, incrementally becomes impossible.
As the membrane dissipates, all sense of interior and exterior is washed away... leaving the egg whites to expand further and further into the furthest reaches of cosmic mind, until they ARE the essence of said, "cosmic mind". The yoke finds itself in a particularly compromised condition and that's an understatement!!! While babies are born in tune with the universal state, the seedling of the Infinite tree of life, decades of conditioning gradually fix an identity to the paradigm of entering into living within the dichotomy of the time-space-continuum. 5-MeO reliably erases such silly human training in just a few minutes. The infant within each of us is then left naked and helpless, much like our hypothetical yoke floating within the void of the Absolute.
If you good people will bear with this analogy, what follows is familiar to each soul as it is re-absorbed into the living source if all being, the indivisible, ineffible Godhead (what I affectionately term, the Omniself). The yoke is then wholly dissolved by the oscillating sonic pulsations emanating from the very epicenter of
Divine Being and in so doing, enters into seamless union with
The Clear Light of The Void. Moments before self annihilation, nano-seconds prior to total stillness of self referencing, there is a tremendous shift in attention. As the immersion reaches full zenith, an understanding of the nature of the blinding whiteness blooms exponentially.
The "yoke" has now returned to it's mother and more so, gained a profound remembrance of always having been it's own mother... purest source consciousness. Not just aware of emerging out of the hub of pure beingness, rather, having direct experience of always having been centered within said hub. Deeply, deeply, deeply within this dawning of complete spiritual unity... arises the urgent need to surrender wholly to the reality which transcends all realities. In such a fusion between the soul bird and the eternal sky, there is no iota of differentiation. No thought, no feeling, no self, no other... no mind. Not even Buddha mind or Christ consciousness remains intact witness to the inversion of self and nonself. Within a boundary-less stillness, an unstruck note rings out forevermore. There are no ears to hear it's exquisite music nor any hearts present to taste of it's unborn, undying love. It simply is as it is.
Sat Chit Ananda. AUM...
The ego or self is not only gone now, it surrenders to the truth that it never really existed. The One does not become the many. The One is unbroken perfection itself humming along within the myriad dreamscape of the many. The eternal Tao is always free and undifferentiated, existing in an undefined unity, epicentrically and for ever present AS the indefinable resplendence of Sunyata, the supreme magnificence of
The Unified Field in it's own web like, invisible flowering state. Granted, this unformed force is the quintessential source and is itself, always interconnected with all that has been, all that is and all that could ever possibly become, yet, somewhere within the zero point, somehow, we each choose to become existent. To dream and to live to awaken, over and over again.
There is a peak moment within every psychedelic experience and with this particular sacrement, the price for admission is death. Not just a dying to the illusion of separation and individualized perception, but a genuine death of the relativity of oneself. This is wherein the full throttle
whiteout experience explodes the yoke into countless points of effulgence.
Atman is Brahman.
Nothing can feasibly be said about such an ascension of conscious-awareness, as no one is left to have reference or even witness the blinding light of this ascension. From this side of the looking glass, I believe that the soul bird has now touched the ecstasy of the God plane and without any sliver of dualism, no words can have any meaning. We may reflect this great illumination, we may echo it's booming power within our mind's heart... but projection of any metaphysical conceptualization about this kind of special immersion, is wholly meaningless.
From the view gleaned from looking out beyond the confines of my own tiny little dream bubble of self-conscious experiences, is one that has no specific horizon line. I have come to realize that we are capable of entering into higher spheres of cognition, those rays of energy that shine without thought or subjective quantification.
To attempt to describe these hyper-real flashes of insight and epiphany... is like trying to toss a marble or a pebble at a far away star. The futility of actually hitting the solar body is the great irony of attempting to explain rationally, any mystical experience. Within the sacred hoop of this potent trip into what a young friend of mine innocently calls,
"The white room", the difficulty becomes an impossibility. Returning from this vastly immense, fulcrum of loving light, ignites the journey of a lifetime, itself an eternity in the making. Thank you for being here now, my cherished 5-Hive family members. I love and respect you all and I always shall.
