New to 5Meo - Strong Physical Purging

[jpdubby]

What a wonderful forum and such a great collection of wisdom about this mystical teacher!

I have sat with this medicine 4 times in 6 months, and the experience has been relatively the same every time and I am left feeling more and more whole after every journey. I freebase 55-60mg of natural toad with a facilitator, and I continuously have strong physical and oral reactions that are often quite similar in shape and tone. I am curious if this is something that anyone has experienced, or knows anything about experientially?

Each time, it feels like I am falling out of a plane or being shot through the universe, and I sometimes gain "awareness" of myself, however I am able to meet that awareness with surrender which takes me back into the cosmic tornado. I scream and spread my arms like an angel, roll on the ground, and make noises I have never heard before. The entire experience feels wild and reckless. As someone who has been very rigid and controlled in life, this feeling is the most beautiful and freeing thing I have ever experienced, even though I do not remember most of the journey.

Afterwards I feel whole and light, as if I have purged. The entire process feels like the full expression of life coming through me. I can only say that it feels like I am jumping from a plane with no view of the ground, and I enter this cosmic stream of life that takes me over. It's like an exorcism.

I truly enjoy it, however, I notice that others have more stillness in their journeys, and it got me thinking about the nature of the medicine and how it affects individuals.  I don't know if there is an "answer" and nor do I seek one, I am just so curious about the patterns that have developed and how they can be used as teachers.  Perhaps others with more experience have some insights into this amazing medicine, or similar journeys?

Thank you for welcoming me, I so very enjoy reading about your experiences and healing.