Messages

JBark! So glad to see you here. I've been away from the Nexus for awhile. I'm returning to the forums. You were always someone whose input was very important to me. I didn't see you on the Nexus for awhile before I stopped posting. Happy that you are still hanging around these places.

 As someone who has suffered with opiate addiction, I am so happy to hear about your success. Opiates truly do suck the life out of you. My wife is in pain management and is past the "in love" "phase, and the "I can make this work if I can just" phase, where she has realized it is unsustainable. She is now in stases. She tried ketamine recently to attempt to begin tackling addiction issues. She insisted on going in without music, which I think is a mistake. She kept having ego death over and over again. Something I seek, but freaks her out. She was talking to me and said something very revealing:


"I'm sick of it and I want it to stop." I asked, "The trip? The ego death?" She said, "No. I'm sick of being dead, all the time. I want to be alive again. I'm dead every day because of these opiates."


It freezes you up. It locks up your humanity and turns you into a vessel that seeks and absorbs opiates.


I wonder, do you feel like the Ibogaine did the work to break the addiction and the Aya and then 5 cemented that work in place? I've been working with ketamine and I've started vaporizing nn-dmt after the peak. I was told to do this by dmt entities, in ketamine space. I obliged and seem to be having great success.


I'm glad the 5-meo saved your life. I wonder if I'll try it some day. I sort of hope I do.

The combination was, of course, something I considered immediately after my first ketamine experience. I thought it was an interesting, but terrifying idea. I figured I'd never do it. It seemed unnecessary at the time, since my goal of ending suicidality was immediate. Then as I continued on my initial course of treatment + exploration, an entity told me to preload my vaporizer with 15mg of NN-DMT the next time. That entity may have been me in disguise. Who knows? So, I did. I listened to Passion by Peter Gabriel at some point during my 100mg IM ketamine experience, which was wonderful music for the experience. I usually go totally beatless. Long evolving drones in evolving spaces. At one point after the peak, I'm sure, I started to get distinct DMT visuals. All visuals had previously been more visionary in nature. Like a film, that you are in. Dreamlike, I guess. A red and blue, interlocking leaf canopy moved above me. It became clear that these were some sort of brooms being used to sweep psychic debris out of my soul. The DMT women were singing a chant, distinctly different from the Peter Gabriel music. They said: "It's time. Come to the Amazon". So, I did. I vaporized, conservatively. It was plenty. I was in complete breakthrough. Deeper than ever. I thought I had gone deep before. Isn't that always the way? I was in a space station of some sort, in deep space. There was a huge blue beam of love flowing above me. I heard a chorus of voices saying: All is well. The beam is safe. All is well. This is the new admixture. The effect on your depression from ketamine is temporary. This will cement your work with the ketamine in a way not possible before.

Is this true? I have no fucking idea, but it was convincing. I feel better now than I have since I was a kid. Better even. I will write up a more complete report and post it on the Nexus.

 
Hi. I'm glad to be here. I'm interested in learning about this molecule, and maybe I'll even try it some day. I'm not sure. Sounds kind of frightening, and impossible for someone like me to obtain. If it happens, it happens.
  I have quite a bit of experience with psychedelics. From youthful dabbling and abuse, to actually working with them for exploration and healing after a nearly 20 year break.
During my break from psychedelic use I  experienced heroin addiction, severe depression and anxiety, a successful business, a decade of sobriety, marriage and fathering a child, leaving art behind. suicidality. Depression, re-addiction to opiates after an injury. Perhaps, unwisely, re-connecting with my adoptive, abusive parents.


After returning to psychedelics I've experienced: Raising a human child, fairly well, with a partner, in a psychedelic way IMO. More addiction related to injury (including TBI), but more controlled and far less destructive. Decrease in addiction. Remission of addiction. Return to addiction, remission again. It seems to be resolving, finally after half a century on the planet. I started off addicted, in the womb.
Then: More suicidal depression, poisoned and amplified by brain injury. I really came close this time. I had ceased using psychedelics. The main ones being DMT/harmala and Psilocybin. The occasional use of these two was keeping my depression and anxiety in check. Quarterly use seemed to be enough. Then I got busy and was hit with some big life stuff. Financial, death of my abusive mother without the ability to grieve.
 
  Finally, just as I was sourcing parts for a suicide machine, ketamine came into my life, and I did a 180. Currently, occasional boosters with DMT after the peak has me in the best shape I've been in, in decades. The longer I use ketamine, the less frequently I use it. I was initially worried about addiction, and I will continue to watch. I did have a brief (1 week) period in the beginning when I was doing it once a day, but that quickly stopped. Max dose 125mg IM.  ~100mg IM followed by 7-15mg of DMT from a GVG is pure, healing magic.


That's my story.


I'm also interested in music. I listen to and create music. Currently working on long ambient / sound sculptures for sleep, meditation and tripping. Also returning to structured pop, prog, electronic music, after being reborn via ketamine/dmt. I build electronics, mostly guitar pedals and, big obsession these days, modular synthesizers. I also play yoyo. Getting pretty okay on unresponsive.
I work with animals for my day job. I'm in the DC metropolitan area and need to start going to psychedelic conferences. I will start doing that if I stay on this track. I think psychedelics are the most important area for human growth going on the planet right now. Period. Maybe that is how 5-meo will find me, if it does. Otherwise, I won't be running across no toads. They don't live in the wild in my area, and none of my clients have them as pets, thankfully
Hope I can be a positive, productive and helpful member of this community.
Thanks for having me.