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Topics - GoldenDragonfly

#1
Introductions/Newbies / Greetings 5hivers
October 08, 2018, 11:21:00 AM
Namaste Familia Bufo,


I did the organic toad medicine about 6 months ago now, it was a beautiful experience during the process. I worked with a kind and wise facilitator who held the space well in a safe and beautiful setting. I took 3 hits building up to the full release (75mg). I felt the oneness of the universe, floated in this beautiful cloud like bliss filled with love, a state of sacred space which I imagine it takes yogi's a lifetime to reach.

When I got back home, my entire world fell apart.

Things which needed to be let go of, did so in an explosive and fast way. Firstly, I had extreme rage pour out of me (and still do at times) towards people who have not been good in my life, as well as reactivations in my dreams mostly for months after- vivid dreams showing me things which were very helpful, enlightening teachings.. once I saw myself staring at my freshly dug grave at sunset with indifference. Another showed me addiction being a black hole, which sucks energy from everything from the addictive person and all others in their circle around it.

I felt like I needed to learn addiction in this profound and visceral way as I was in a relationship with a severe alcoholic, (which ended right after the toad medicine). I then saw addictions everywhere, in all forms. Mini black holes, taking energy from its hosts and everyone in their lives in some form.

This is just one insight, there were many more.. It was def not easy, and I felt suicidal recently when another relationship appeared bringing me all the issues I needed to confront and face, this time in a different way. As if the universe gave me this opportunity to clearly see where I went wrong in choosing, and overlooking things in people.

Since the toad medicine, I am grateful for the immense healing it has brought me, but also now realing from the aftermath of so much pain and letting go of things and people which were very close to me. I have had a hard time sleeping since, I usually wake at 3am then can't fall asleep till 6pm, if at all. I was told this is from the pineal gland being flushed from how the toad changes your brain chemistry. I have been working on grounding. I found taking walks in nature, daily Rape' and Kundulini Yoga and meditation as much as possible helps with this.. but wish I could sleep better, I usually fight to get more than 4-5hours a night.

I was going to do the medicine again, then realized I have not yet fully integrated the last one, so cancelled. I am now navigating through being in the world in a different way, working on being very careful who I surround myself with, learning to love myself more.

Thank you for hearing my story,
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