Dear Rising Spirit
I feel a kinship with you
I study Advaita Vedanta through a beloved scolar of Ramana Maharshi. I was blessed to meet him last year (before my first 5MEO) and asked if he thought psychedelics could be helpful to go within : 'No', the teacher said.
But it was my prarabha to take 5MEO. I stayed with the memory of that powerfull experience (where I sank at the bottom of myself - union) for a year before going back to him and exposing it, asking if it was true spirituality. 'No, it is not'. It was certainly disapointing and I still think he doesn't understand ! How arrogant!!
He said :
Drugs can only affect what appears in our awareness and whatever is experienced is nourrishing ego.
Drugs cannot drive the mind within only grace can.
Drugs can only lead to a state of 'manolaya', like sleep, wich has no spiritual benefit or lead to more experiences.
Only the mere awarness of I AM can dissolve ego, 'manonassa'.
I inhaled three increasing doses of 5 and tried to apply atma vichara with all my heart. With the first two doses, Ego experienced some sense of expansion and loosening until it got to the bottom of itself. The pure I thought. Light and love. The most striking experience was to be in that state and to try to think of my friends present in the room ; I could not hold that thought for long, I saw the I thought engulfing them, I became them, they became me without ceasing to exist. Union and bliss.
The third dose was strong enough to wipe out ego, gone, 'monalaya', sleep-like state, no recollection for a while. When ego came back, it was in some kind of 'fighting to survive mode', desperalty trying to cling to something outside, birthing itself through separation. Seeing my own arrogance, I felt compassion for myslef, asked for pardon to my friends and closed my eyes.
I was touched that you waited 5 years to share with words what is unspeakable. The answers given by the teacher helped me to see how attached I am to this experience of union. How I refer to it when I think about God. I feel you are too.
May we only be free