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Topics - Curador

Greetings all seekers and curious about the continued discovery of Life...

THIS IS NOT A SUGGESTION TO DO 5MeO-DMT.  It is only my experience.  See disclaimer below my trip report.

For the second time in six months I've experienced a state of the sublime that has left me wondering...

As I prepared for my second journey with synthetic 5MeO-DMT apprehension was noticed then outright fear was what I observed as I set up a sacred space in our living room.  My wonderful spouse helped move the furniture and place a special rug in the center of the room. She would be my sitter this time which was also a source of some concern.  I was thoughtful to what she could possibly witness or have to do if things were not pleasant.  I oriented my yoga mat and pillow at the head to face the west.  The setting was complete.  Next, the music was set up to play.

Earlier I crushed some fresh mint and pressed it into the bowl of my small bong then sprinkled in the the nearly 15mg freebase crystal with another small amount of mint on top.  My original guide suggested this so as not to burn the crystal with an open flame which would render it useless.  I tamped it gently hoping it was not too much substrate.

I settled on the mat.  I looked at my wife and announced that I was scared. 

By now I had come to know the potential of this substance and the possible uncomfortable outcomes having seen too many awful videos and having read too many accounts of terrible experiences.  It made me question the reason for such experiences.  My hope was that these were largely brought on by the ego's inability to let go into the experience and the need for it to make sense and the ego's need to be aware through the entire process of the moments which occur.  It is my belief that annihilation must be the ego's greatest concern.

Since my first experience in May, (see if interested) I have read books, seen videos and spoken to experts in this work amd have come to an understanding of how much respect, integrity and intention would be best to go into the use of this true entheogen.  I also understood from them that the beauty and glory to be experienced and the essence of the oneness of the universe is also a repeatable phenomenon.

It was a mindful and purposeful day so far.  We had been to a yoga class in the morning, had a lunch together and had bonded some.  My heart was calm and somewhat open already and my mind was in a quiet space.  No matter what fear I did feel I yearned to that white space again and experience "That" which is all and the loving nature of what Is.  To have this experience had been on my heart and mind for about a month.  The timing, set and setting were all that I was waiting for.  September 10, 2019 would be my second coming, so-to-speak.

I started my ritual of settling my mind and becoming present to the moment we were in.  It isn't that I'm religious or look to idols but I have found the practice of some focusing activity like the one I'll describe to calm and focus my mind to the present.  As I focused my attention on "calling in the directions", something I learned doing "men's work", my wife sat and subtly started playing one of her singing bowls.  We both witnessed each other creating a container together for the first time in this manner.  I don't take that intention for granted.  I have a deeper appreciation for her as my partner.

I finished and asked her for silence.  She came closer, we looked in each other's eyes and I stated, "I'm scared" with a sheepish smile.  She smiled and acknowledged my fear and handed me the pipe.  She said.  "You just have to decide."  It was time.

Before I started I proposed that if it looked like I was struggling to have her place her hand gently on my forehead to ground me as my original guide professed during my first session.  She nodded in understanding.  She was calm and I sensed she was in this moment with me and no matter what, she had my back.

She held the bottom of the pipe as I started.  I fired the lighter and slowly heated the herb.  I drew slowly and steadily as the mint started to smoke.  I could see the red embers grow as I drew the smoke into the glass chamber.  I started to taste some of the 5MeO.  I thought I had gotten enough pulled the bowl and inhaled all the smoke from the chamber then let go of the pipe into her care.  I held my breath and laid back on the pillow.

I felt a buzzing sensation in my head and released the breath, though it would turn out to be too early.

I immediately felt fear vanish as my heart started slowing after beating strongly and rapidly in the beginning.  The thought, "how silly you are to be afraid" occurred to me.  I relaxed and felt a sense of safety.  I knew I hadn't gotten enough of a hit so I asked my wife for the pipe and sat back up to hit it again.  This time I took a much longer draw and the taste of crystal was much stronger.  I inhaled all I could.  Again, I let go of the pipe and layed back.  The sensations of vibration and heart opening rushed over me and were quickly overwhelming.  I felt the sense of me or I slip away and became an observer. 

It is a challenge to describe the experience from this point.  There was awareness during the entire journey but the perspective was like that of an observer.  The emotional state was that of overwhelming Gratitude, Joy and Love only.  It felt like the body was a vessel now and was moved to sing.  The music I used was Brian Eno, "Discreet Music".  "I" could hear the body singing "I love you" in harmony with the music as though that was the meaning of the notes in Eno's music.  The voice was very high like falsetto but felt totally natural and also as though it was singing through my body.  It was so foreign to hear.  It was soothing and felt as though it was not "my voice" but that of "The One" using my body to express it's nature.

The neck arched, head tilted back, mouth now wide, waves of Love and Joy surged through the whole body, the heart burst open, tears started to stream from the eyes.  Sounds emanated from deep within the body uttering "I love you" in song over and over as if the universe was singing the body as an instrument.  It sang my wife's name, my original guide's name, ecstasy was my being and the feeling of orgasm from everywhere was present.  (if you can imagine at the end of the movie "The Fifth Element"  That's kind of what it would look like)

My God... how... why... what is this purpose?  Gratitude... More sound through my body.

How beautiful the resonance of the sound and vibration moving through me.  Like being a singing bowl struck perfectly to create an ideal vibration harmonizing with all of existence.  No pain, no thought, no meaning-making-bullshit in my mind, only the riding of the experience and "being the note".  Awe to infinity.  Gratitude for the experience, again, in this life before I die and to live to express it to others so they might be inspired to seek more than the mundane our made up societies instill into us.  There is so much more.  We must slow down.  It is here for us all and does not cost a penny.  All that is required is the willingness to seek it.  It's true.

I knew I was not going to witness the pure light this time but it didn't matter.  This was so much more than enough.  As I started to descend the thought of taking another hit occurred but I resisted.  I don't know why.  I was sure there was more in the bowl but did not want to go further at that moment.  I was so content just to be.

I sat up.  I was in a simple cross legged position which felt natural and right at the time.  I started moving my limbs in a symmetrical fashion.  It seemed like QiGong.  I was like light.  Every movement of my body divine.  I moved slowly but without any thought of what I looked like.  I flowed like water or fire being ever so subtly moved by air or a divine breath. My consciousness looked at me and as I noticed I saw a reflection of crystal white and infinite black as a body, yin and yang... my mind shimmered. Tears flowed.  More gratitude.  "Fuck..." then elation.

I gently touched my face.  My hands were cool and dry.  My face felt warm and the sensation sent waves of gratitude for my life through my mind.  Awe...

By now I could feel my breath passing inside my body.  When I inhaled I noticed the inside of the center of my chest.  An idea emerged of embers from the intersection of my collar bones to my belly button. When I breathed in it was slow enough not to move a flame.  I observed the most exquisite sensation radiating throughout my torso.  It was like heat but what was stoked was the most profound sense of Love.  Imagine if you blew gently on a log attemtping to sweetly ignite a flame.  A new essence of sensation swept through my soul.  When I sat still and noticed this phenomenon it remained.  It reminded me of when yoga teachers announce to focus on the breathe, I thought, "this is what that means!, what idiots!, they don't know what they are talking about.  This is it!"  It's the gentleness though not just the breathing, it's how it feels as we do it.  Stillness is the key.  How it is so missed.  This is something I continue feel today as I write the experience and simply focus my attention on the breathing in this subtle and ever-so-slow manner.  It is akin to tasting the most delicious, sweetest nectar for the first time and what happens when we notice and appreciate the new experience.

Later, the realization occurred to me, how we continue to think we are moving slow enough to "see" to "experience" life.  I've not been able to do it on my own at this depth.  This miracle of a molecule takes me to a much higher level.  It slows my being down to "NOW" and allows me to experience it.  My thousands of hours of meditation has not been enough, so far.  Good God.  Good God.  Good God.

How can I be in this space without the use of this "Master Teacher"?  Will I ever "still" enough before this body dies?

I cannot say this is an experience of God but it is something so perfect that whatever created it must be smiling, if it can, when it notices us having it.  Angels must sing if there are such beings.  In the face of experience it doesn't matter if they exist or not.

It is an experience from which religions are born most likely.  That would make sense to me.

I was calm throughout and so grateful.  My wife appeared to me as a perfect angel when I sat up and we "eye gazed".  Wow, was she amazing, not moving, just noticing, and simply being there for me.  This is the ultimate act of love, to me, to sit quietly for another and be as still as possible.  I felt so grateful for her.  We were quiet for some time then I asked her to describe what she saw which validated where I was in my experience.

My intention was to experience Sacred and overwhelming Gratitude, Joy and Love coursing through this body in a way I have not otherwise.  Mission accomplished.  It happened and has validated that using 5MeO-DMT in this manner, for me, is possible to produce this affect.  It has allowed me to have a deeper connection with all of life as well as a deeper appreciation for Life.

It has left me wondering about our existence...

I wonder, why we, as a species, especially in the west, are so caught down in the everyday.

I wonder, how the perpetuation of the lie, "you have to..." is so strong and pervasive in our society and becoming more and more prevalent in the world.

I wonder, if the "conscious shift" will ever reach a point of "enough" souls to share a better more loving and kind collective dream of life.

I wonder, why I'm still here and what is there that I really "need" to do.

I wonder, if "yoga teachers" will ever slow down enough to start teaching yoga.

I wonder, why money is our god today and why we don't own that thought so we can change it.

I wonder about this kindness bestowed to me.

I wonder, what it will be like next time.

I wonder how there can be so much Gratitude, Joy and Love...

Til next time...

My experience may be unique and is definitely not everyones.  This entheogen is not for everyone.  This is not like other psychedelic substances I've encountered which last much longer and the "ego" is there every nanosecond of the ride.  It is the most powerful and overwhelming experience of surrendering consciously while aware I've ever known.  (I'm not suggesting it but...If you do decide it is for you then:  Seek out videos and reports of all experiences so you know what is possible.  Seek out those who have had many experiences with this substance and older experts who practice trans-personal psychology (my opinion only) if you are looking for healing.  I understand the unpleasant side because of what I've read and seen and heard from others directly or indirectly.  I'm not suggesting to do it but it would be wonderful if everyone who is seeking could have an experience like mine or more amazing and experience the same Sacred connection, ecstasy and wonder. I make up that it would change anyone's entire appreciation for our existence and Life itself. I am not suggesting to have an experience with 5MeO-DMT or any other substance.  Do research if you are seeking to have the experience.  There are only a few good, conscious and most importantly "selfless" practitioners out there.  Do your research and seek out what harm reduction means.  Do your research and see what it means to be a good facilitator, sitter, practitioner.  Money and Ego will NOT be part of the description. Don't be fooled into thinking a "shaman" or "guide" or some "authority figure" or "counselor" or "coach" is necessary to have the experience either. They will keep you safe.  Do your research. The molecule, 5MeO-DMT, is the Master here.  There is not a noticeable difference between the synthetic form or venom from Bufo Alvarius.  Don't use the venom.  These gentle creatures are endangered and should be left alone. This is not a suggestion to do 5MeO-DMT.

dose... approximately 15mg synthetic, freebase form, smoked from a bong placed in the bowl in layers of crushed mint leaf, 5MeO-DMT, crushed mint leaf, slow steady draw, hold breath to capacity, lay back and let go. (I took two hits this time.  the first was not enough)
I found this on Youtube and thought it to be very informative for those not familiar at all with psychedelics like moms and dads cuz the grandparents did them.  I'm sharing it everywhere...
This is a newer film which, IMO, is a great intro for those who might have never been introduced to psychedelics.

Every thinking creature has a soveriegn right to practice their relationship with their perceived creator outside of an organized religion, dogma or someone elses vision of a creator. 

Why is this not our experience?
General Discussion / Anyone else - WBAC 2019
June 04, 2019, 10:52:58 AM
The 2019 World Bufo Alvarius Congress happening July 26-28 was brought to my attention yesterday.  Didn't know...
Anyone have info on other speakers?
Anyone experience last year? 

Thoughts on connecting with others?
Kind regards,
     5MeO-DMT helped me have the most sublime human experience I've encountered up to this moment.                        THIS IS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT OR SUGGESTION TO DO IT !!                                                                                                       
     The following is only my experience.For more than a year my journey through life has been in a pursuit to realize healing from a tragedy no parent should have to endure.

     My desire was to experience the sacred in such a way that would restore my faith in life and inspire me to keep living it happily. When I started, a little over a year ago, I didn't know smoking the crystallized venom of an animal was even a thing, let alone might produce a difference of point of view that would forever change the way I think and feel about and navigate my life.                           

   That said, it was such a short experience, a very big one but lasting only 10 minutes.  Add another 10 minutes for gently reintegrating into my body and enjoying the sensation makes it 20 minutes total.      I did exactly as my guide told me to do.  He explained for some time what I might expect, how he might help if things got too intense and even how to draw the smoke from the water pipe given his years personal experience and of tending others.  He told me to do nothing if I encountered anything, to just let it happen and be as still and relaxed and open as I can. 
     As I inhaled all I could hold of the smoke from the pipe I released the pipe into his hands and deliberately lay my head back on the pillow at the end of the mat.  As soon as I did a massive sensation of the deepest relaxation I've ever felt came over me. My body exhaled and sighed as it was too much effort to hold the breathe any longer.  The sense of me or I fell away.
     A humming sound or sensation, not loud or soft, was present and there was an awareness of geometric shapes and lines whisking past the mind's eye as if being sucked into a tunnel and picking up speed. There may have been a slight sense of fear but from that moment in memory there was only becoming aware of being in a place of absolutely pure, brilliant white.

I can't say it was light, but I'll call it that, since there seemed to be no origin or point of beginning or direction or end. It was all around and the point of reference was from something like within.  There was nothing, no feelings, no thoughts, no sound, anything, yet there was a sense of perfect contentment.

I must have been "on my way back" since I started to notice my hands and arms. I lifted them up and saw nothing more than silhouettes and now my eyes are feeling like they are wide open. As I "look" at this white I suddenly inhale as if seeing the most magnificent thing I've ever gazed upon. In my periphery my hands looked abnormal like they had fewer fingers and they were longer. I made no effort to look closer but continued to gaze at then center. The sensation seemed like awe. You could say I gasped but softer and slower with wonder and surprise. The kind of wonder a child would have opening a present never imagined receiving but being so grateful upon opening it you could see that this was an experience of a new sense of joy, deeper than anything the child had ever felt before.

Gratitude and joy were all that existed. As I perceived my hands which didn't feel like my hands but I felt a part of them surrounded an orb of light hardly distinguishable by an almost imperceptible line defining the orb. It was like  balancing the orb in the middle of the hands.  As I moved them  like a movement in tai chi I inhaled in wonder again as if I just became aware that this was the universe or earth.  It is all light and it is being loved on and held in this space of love since it is love, beyond understanding, that causes this phenomenon to occur and be sustained.  That was my sense of understanding.

Nothing mattered, Yet it is all loved, Beyond understanding, Which makes it all possible and acceptable.

I was in this state of bliss for the remainder of my time. I felt nothing but infinite joy and gratitude then love moved through me causing my body to weep gently as I continued to stay with this light as long as I could.  The moment I noticed being hooked by any emotion or thought I would simply and gently bring my awareness back to the light again and would feel or notice the blissful state.  I was calm and happy.

I became aware of my guide and feeling so moved I reached for his hand in a gesture of thanks. I gently squeezed his hand, belly giggled, held it long enough for him to know that all was well and released it placing my arm back on the floor with my palms up.  He had been quietly at my side the entire time. A perfect shepherd. I felt profound love and appreciation for him. Shortly after, I sensed him move on to the kitchen. He knew I was safe and started to prepare our meal.

I was experiencing the greatest sense of ecstasy my body could tolerate and wept gently all the while keeping my focus in the white.  My thoughts were few and I found my self just noticing and appreciating.  My breathe was relaxed and deep. I felt bliss beyond anything I have experienced prior. .

There were no entities, there was no thought and as for emotional states what I think I was experiencing was the awareness of these but not getting attached to anything. This was glory, this was beauty and the essence I sensed was that 'this is life and it is on purpose and that is all it needs to be'.  It was the simplest of ideas that life itself is the only purpose.

I thought, this must be heaven and wished it could last but I knew I was re-entering the normal state of being,  I gently touched my face with my fingers. They were cool and when I did I had the sense that I was alive and felt a new sense of gratitude for my own life. It was invigorating and I felt more alive.
Again, gratitude. Again, joy.  I belly laughed from deep within. As I write this it makes me smile and chuckle.
I'm happy to believe that what I experienced might be what it's like after this body breathes no more.

I think I got what I wanted and then some.  (Big Smile and Chuckle)

It was the most beautiful experience I've ever had so far in this body.

Disclaimer:  5MeO-DMT is not for everyone and my experience may not be typical!

This is not like my mushroom or ayahuasca experiences. I'd not been able to reach a point of "separation" from the ego in those experiences. They come on slower and, for me, there has always been a point of reference from my ego going deeper, then resistance.
In this experience the opposite seemed true.  When I fully inhaled there was no turning back in any way.  Once I felt it come on there was no time for bargaining.  I was gone.
I guess you could liken it to hiking up a mountain and summiting after the climb (ingesting ayahuasca or mushrooms).
This was like being flown to the summit blindfolded first and then becoming aware when at the summit. Then, it was a matter of riding the descent smoothly. That's kind of what it was like for me anyway. 
I also think my experience was as a result of 22 years of practicing letting go of my ego, meditation practice, emotional cathartic work, ordeal processes, sensory deprivation work, some decent awareness of eastern thought and belief and practice and more than a few psychedelic experiences which have been intentional. That stated, I might have just been lucky.
But!! Maybe most important was my guide. I cannot say enough about his expertise and love really...and thoughtfulness.  I think he would do it for free if he didn't have expenses and now I know why. My God, if I had only known earlier in my life this kind of experience were possible...
I am positive that his long personal experience with this substance and his experience guiding others is the other main reason I had this type of experience. From vetting appropriate clients (this method is not for everyone) to preparation as to set and setting, then amount to use and delivery system all helped make this experience possible.
If you do decide this is for you please invest the time in researching about it and a guide. 

Added June 6.  Dosage...I was asked.  50/50 Natural and Lab synth and the sheddings of the toad to act as the medium to smoke it in.  This to prevent the crystal from passing through the pipe into my throat.  appr 14mg tipping 15mg.  My guide held the flame as I held the small water pipe.  Very smooth, no bitter taste.
Long steady draw after exhaling first, filling lungs completely then holding my breath until I couldn't.

This is not an endorsement for doing this.
Introductions/Newbies / Hello
May 28, 2019, 07:07:36 AM
Hi Rafael here.

Living in AZ, looking for others who consciously have experienced 5MeO.  Mine was recent, Two weeks ago. 50/50 blend natural and lab not in US.

Experienced total oneness and white space, infinite gratitude, joy and love.  aya and psilo did not allow complete separation from "me".   I'll post an experience report. 'My Non Dual Experience'

I revere the animal and see the need for its protection now.  I want to find data and others experienced with the 100% synthetic version.

Looking forward to connecting to good people, research and information.