I'm going to try to form words to explain my first experience with 5 MEO DMT. I have a LOT of experience with psychedelics, LSD, psilocybin, ketamine, aya, hauchuma, peyote, etc.
I just have to say that this was the MOST PROFOUND MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. WORDS DO NOT COMPUTE AND CANNOT DO JUSTICE TO THE EXPERIENCE I JUST HAD. THERE ARE NO WORDS IN THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE THAT CAN MAKE SENSE OF WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
Ego dissolution does not TOUCH this experience.
We did a titration up method with inhalation.
My first hit was a simple 2 mg hit from a pen. I felt an immediate sense of relaxation of my body and a sense of ease. I felt bliss bubbling up from all extremities and into my core. It made me think that this must be what heroin feels like the first time you do it. A tingling and feeling of well being all over. I got a huge smile on my face just imagining what a higher dose would feel like. I sat up for more. Next, was 13 mg 10 second inhale with the vaporizer. I laid back and felt the overwhelming feeling of disintegration, yet I could still feel my story and ego holding on. I was feeling my body trying to release, undulating and shaking, feeling the thoughts coming in and me trying to "meditate" through them, let them drop. They keep coming, the ego keeps trying to hold on. "What is my friend thinking? What is my body doing? What is this feeling? How can I explain this? Why do I keep having thoughts? Why can't I stop the thoughts? What are thoughts?" LET IT GO, STOP. JUST STOP ALREADY. I was shaking my arms and body and brushing off my skin thinking my stories were clinging to it. I kept saying LET IT GO, you dont need them (the stories of self). I sat up and asked for more. Next was a 7 mg 10 second inhale I felt the same similar dissolving wave pulsing through my body and a letting go and sinking deeper than before. I felt the undulations coming and waving through my body. I sunk in and really tried to let the thoughts go, understanding that this was my body shedding stories and getting into the core of my energetic field. I allowed it all to rise, with no feelings or thoughts around what was happening, just feeling. I felt a lot of tension in my mouth and jaw let go as the undulations came up my spine and out my head. I was still hearing myself still felt the sense of my body and knew that was still a little bit of my ego hanging on by a thread. I allowed myself to to let the energy pulsate and then came the energetic full body organism of pure bliss, allowing pieces of the "self" to die which then filled back in with an overall feeling of supreme well being and bliss that causes a full body laughter and orgasm. It was an incredible feeling of pure bliss and energy release. I had a taste of how deep this could go and I was ready to go even deeper. I sat back up for another dose. This time was 5 mg dose of 5 second inhalation. Instantly I knew this time was different. I laid back and felt all the rest of the pieces of "me" fall away. People talk about ego dissolution, no this was different. This was FAR BEYOND that. There was NO WITNESS here. There was NO I, there was only experience, awareness itself, becoming one with the universe, ever encompassing love. Pure being, nothingness, emptiness. It was an embodied feeling of reality itself without "me" in it. It was pure love, pure being, pure and total peace. There was no ground, no sky, no body, no separate "knower." Everything and nothing all at once in a place of no time, no space, nothing yet somehow EVERYTHING. WORDS DON'T EVEN WORK HERE. "I" wanted to stay forever. When I started feeling pieces of "me" come back online, I could tell I was immediately trying to make sense of it all. The best I could call it is a spiritual orgasm. I wanted a cigarette. *** called it the "Cosmic Joke." There were NO WORDS. HUMAN EXPERIENCE DOESN'T HAVE WORDS FOR THAT WTF!! After I came to, I was just in complete AWE and utter SHOCK of the whole experience. WHAT THE F@&$ WAS THAT!? How can one go back to regular life after that?! Why are we not giving this molecule to everyone especially at the end of their life to help them realize that death is going be so FREAKING BEAUTIFUL?! DEATH! YES! WOW HOW ARE WE SO AFRAID TO DIE? WE GET TO SPEND INFINITY THERE!? IN THAT PLACE? WE ARE SO LUCKY! WHAT A PRIVILEGE IT IS TO BE HERE AND TO DIE AND SPEND INFINITY THERE! WOW. I CANNOT WAIT TO SPEND INFINITY THERE. Again came another wave of pure bliss and joy, intense celebrations of life and love and the full range of emotions we choose to feel here. Death is going to be so liberating. THAT FEELING IS AVAILABLE TO US AT ANY TIME WE JUST HAVE TO GET PAST OUR EGO STORIES. WE HAVE THAT AVAILABLE TO US AT ALL TIMES. Please let me never forget that.