Messages

1

5-MeO-DMT Experiences and Testimonials / Re: subcutaneous roa

« on: August 16, 2019, 10:14:35 PM »

hi,

I would like to add to this experience that I think I contacted somehow my higher self and he was cheerful and very clear about spiritual matters. I guess the

cheerfulnes comes from his clarity, well, this is celestino the lower, guessing! the wonders of celestinos!


All the best.

I so resonate with the notion of the symbiotic meeting of the higher and lower selves, as one indivisible, singular phenomenon.  Aham Brahmasmi.  For at the appex of our searching for some ultimate truth, the interior soul's core vibration coalesces, as attention and intent are fused within the immensity of That which resides beyond, yet, exists epicentrically within everything else.  Such a romance is an intimate conjoining of absolute truth and the mesmerism of sheer illusion, an immortal transcendence inside of this dualistic earthly paradigm, forever unfolding out of the undifferentiated field, is always taking new life like exploding light particles, dancing in pulsations, waving in all directs at once. 

Going seemingly nowhere yet touching everything else.  The spectrum of higher and lower, eternal and transitory, infinite mystery and finite certainty...  all dissolve, perceptually into the bright white, effulgent emptiness.  Though we are essentially gone as isolated individuals, we are miraculously rebirthed an infinity of human life cycles, only to finally arrive right here & now, at one with all.  Such is the sacred gift of 5-MeO-DMT.   

Godself is realized by the awakening dreamer in ascension and all is perceived as the Omniself, uncoiling at the hub of each being as sublimely interconnected and whole, arising as the cherished epiphany, like unto a great pause of one's individuality, absorbed again in seamless union with the Divine source.  There blossoms a remembrance of sorts, choosing to be, to exist, to appear out of nothingness.  Often this is followed by total self erasure, all ideas and beliefs wiped clean for some span outside of time, deep into the effulgent silence.

We are wholly shattered by the unlimited force but the teaching still incrementally blooms anew with every heartbeat, thus grounding within the experience of the human witness to creation, preservation and eventual destruction of the little dream bubbles of our collective, multiples of selves (though each unique soul is merely an impermanent aspect appearing as an echo, a reflection or perhaps, more of a refraction of the initial source of all light...  formless consciousness itself).  While we attune our spiritual being more receptively towards the zero point field, the unborn, undying nature of the Tao, we step off into an endless, beginningless oblivion of our own volition, like the proverbial moth drawn to the flame.
 
Keep your love light shining so bright and free, good brother Celestino!   

2

Toad Experiences and Testimonials / Re: questioning toad and 5

« on: July 08, 2019, 08:13:24 PM »

Hi Risingspirit,

my first and most illuminating experience with the sapito was,"NO WORDS, I JUST DISSAPEARED", no god, creator, light, self or whatever and the beauty of this was that "WORDS DID NOT MATTER AT ALL!" Of course once back we live in the world of words.

One day as I was sitting in meditation the word Vedanta came to me, the end of the Word!!

My inaugural voyage was very similar.  The molecule stopped my mind entirely.  I was not unconscious, yet my awareness did not involve thinking or feeling, as I had been shattered completely into an infinity of cosmic dust and lost any subjective reference point.  I recall believing that I had overdosed and had actually died.  As I dissolved like an Alkaseltzer tablet in water, all thinking ceased entirely.  I was gone and yet...  I was experiencing a vast expanse of blinding whiteness, which I knew was the unbroken field of Brahman (that is, after I came down and began quantifying the immense expansion and sheer bliss I had undergone from dying and being reborn, once again).   


Well, it's not exactly like seeing the white light, as without any polarized strata of duality, there was no darkness to define any source of light, no one to recognize any effulgence.  All four journeys had much to teach and reveal, but this occured just prior to and immediately after the timeless peak.  During direct interphase, I do not know what happened but I got a sense of source and divinity, as my conscious-awareness began to reshape itself as a finite self with an individuated, defined perspective.  Even so, I intuitively knew that the source was no different than myself.  Nothing was different or separate from the Oneness.  After all, there is only one of us, forever coming and going, as this or that...  an eternity in the making.  Aham Brahmasmi.   

3

Toad Experiences and Testimonials / Re: questioning toad and 5

« on: July 06, 2019, 10:19:22 PM »

I honestly do agree wholeheartedly.  The blinding light of absolute truth transcends any mere word play or cerebral, mortal ideology.  Mind lives within the dynamic of conceptualization, followed by myriad thoughts, imaginings and words.  Conscious-awareness can freely exist soley and soulfully, without any strata of subjective quantification, thought or finite idea.  Words indeed do chase ideas and human notions, like a puppy dog chases a tennis ball.  To be without any defined self, minus any iota of thinking or feeling...  is what 5 reveals.  It cannot keep us still and empty for long, but it does gift the anointment of Sunyata, however brief.  Daily meditation and integration are saving graces.  It's our challenge to ground and integrate this miraculous awakening. 

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Toad Experiences and Testimonials / Re: questioning toad and 5

« on: July 06, 2019, 09:17:09 PM »

From my own teeny-tiny/ itty-bitty perspective, the true magic of any psychedelic molecule is it's ability to TEMPORARILY immobilize one's mind, one's personal identity and the silly mortal attachment to this material, external realm of existential being.  There is soooooooo much more to experience than what our physical senses, emotions, intellect and instincts reveal.  The soul is our core and it is forevermore indistinct from the source.  Sacred medicines heal the blind and give hope to the lost.  5-MeO-DMT is far and above any other sacrement, that I know of, in this profoundly remarkable regard.  It's highest gift and guidance is it's immense ability to obliterate the separation of that which has been created, from the very creator, itself.  Within the nondual pulse of eternal balance, all that is...  is irrefutablely united as One seamless happening.  We awaken to remember that we are each and all of us, are indistinguishable from said, indivisible Godhead.  We have always been limitless light in resplendent, blissful Omniscience.   


Even so, the molecule releases us back into our personal dreamscape.  Only fools and escapists think that any entheogen, no matter how powerful it is, can permanently erase the lines of duality, forevermore.  My take on sacred medicines is that they provide mind shattering, deeply spiritual glimpses, views into the ultimate field of reality.  We are called upon to do diligence, every day, in every way...   to earnestly fuel such sky high epiphanies with undaunted heart and soul.  Our task as pilgrims alongside way, is the work of cultivating an unwavering, clear intent, a focussed awareness and a highly attuned degree of attention to this present moment (an eternity in the making).  It may seem like work or study...  but it's actually wondrous play.  Meditation is an endless joy!  Discovering center is a true and nurturing blessing.  This game of life reveals itself at every turn of the path, eh?  Aham Brahmasmi.   

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5-MeO-DMT-like States Induced Without Exogenous Catalyst / Re: The Drop That Became The Sea

« on: June 25, 2019, 10:49:52 PM »

My feeling about this issue is that it is naive to believe that imbibing of any substance, even the mighty 5-MeO, equates to lasting enlightenment.  At least, with any permanent effect.  Still, by surrendering and dying...  we are then reborn anew, as using the sacrement briefly removes everything which clouds the spirit light from our enraptured vision.  This is ecstatic but we return to our own little bubbles of self, dreaming of this or that. 

But during the peak moments...  it has been the absolute pinnacle of my entire life.  But I must say that I have had numerous nondual experiences, some with other entheogens and some from states of deep meditation, culminated after decades of spiritual practice.  I am certain that even if I sat in the lotus posture, three or four hours a day, for over 100 years...  it could hardly compare to the power and immense shift in attention, which 5-MeO-DMT so dramatically bestows upon those who journey with it.  I am now certain what death will be like.  A return to the Source. 

This miraculous molecule triggers the full bloom of the Sahasrara or 7th chakra center in mere minutes.  Opening one up to the blinding white light of God, bestowing temporary ego annihilation and devouring the lines of distinction and quantification.  Erasing the illusion of self and other, dissolution within the undifferentiated sea of being, the sacrement exponentially expands the consciousness of the voyager to the zero point field of seamless union with the Absolute, which eventually settles within the mind's heart.   

I have come to believe that daily training in meditation, with or without exercising pranayama, is an incremental continuum of sorts.  It is, simply put, a way of life.  Anointment from 5 is a preview of Nirvikalpa Samadhi, regardless of one's attainment or one's degree of conscious-awareness while completely sober during day to day living.  Even a casual glance at the Rig Vedas, extolling the virtues of Soma, makes you aware that entheogenic alchemy is an ancient companion with many spiritual or religious rituals.  If one digs deeply enough into the Nath tradition, it is clear that as alchemists, they actually did use entheogens to heighten and expand their consciousness. 

The Kriya Yoga taught today has undeniably sprouted from this time honored ancestry.  Kundalini Kriya Yoga has it's roots deeply entwined with the Nath lineage.  While many of the details are shrouded in secrecy, this dose not negate the truth that entheogens have been used for millennia, as a means to introduce the adept to cosmic consciousness.  It's not just the Yogis, it is also prevalent some Buddhist sects, Taoist alchemists, Christian and Sufi schools of mysticism.  Not to mention the widespread usage amongst the Northern, Central and South American native shamanic cultures.   

The great Sri Babaji Maharaj reminded his student Lahiri Mahasaya that in his previous human incarnation, Babaji himself had prepared him, "herbal drinks".  Herbal drinks?  Soma?  Something akin to Ayahuasca?  He then, gives Lahiri a large bowl of oil to drink.  Perhaps hash oil?  Whatever it was, the youthful Lahiri was so blown away that he was floored for hours on end.  The account is in the original version of Autobiography of A Yogi, by Swami Paramahamsa Yogananda.  Now, this may only have been in the earliest stages of his initiation into the Kriya Kundalini teachings and methodologies.  I've never heard of Lahiri Mahasaya recommending entheogens to his students but who can say with any degree of certainty?

What is of paramount importance that just the usage of the sacrement alone, cannot lead to one's ultimate freedom.  It does, however, gift the miraculous experience of entering into communion with the Godhead (actually one's own head) and tasting the immortality of the mystical, nondual unification.  For myself, it's not one path or the other path...  they are one and the same pathway. 

That being said, less is more and without integration and the gradual purification of one's intent, even the sacrement becomes a trap.  Going to the well too often is most unwise, yet, I suspect that it's also a very, very personal thing and some folks want to go further, further and further down the proverbial rabbit hole...  by frequently but sincerely working with the medicine.  I do honestly feel that without some restraint, at least for myself and my need for balance and grounding the epiphanies realized, there is a danger of over-taxing the subtle neurology within the brain and may strain the auric body, which is unhealthy and counterproductive.   

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General Discussion / Re: NN-DMT and 5-MeO-DMT: Their Similarities and Differences.

« on: June 21, 2019, 09:09:11 AM »

By gosh, I had all but forgotten about this thread, until someone posted it on a Toad facebook page.  It's very interesting for me to read now, almost two years later.  13 months after this older post, I had my inaugural voyage with 5-MeO-DMT.  Rarely at a loss for words...  I found myself at an immense cross roads, metaphysically speaking.  I cannot begin to grok the very highest, peak moments, as I was 100% gone.  It's almost like embracing oblivion of the ego constructs, and then being reborn under new laws of witnessing with impartiality and a certain detached transcendence.  By a new definition in one's experiential modality, attention shifts from looking outside from the inside, to looking inside from the outside.  They endlessly fuse a one expression.  I have revisited N,N-DMT twice since then and answered many of my own questions.  They are quite different molecules but the sudden load and immediate expansion are the same with both DMTs.  My first 5-MeO trip report:

 https://forums.5meodmt.org/index.php?topic=50789.0

I still can't quite wrap my head around the immensity of the experience, nor the three that followed it, as so much of the interphase occurs in that empty fullness which exists beyond the confines of our conditioning within the realm of duality at large.  How does one describe a single drop discovering remembrance of always having been the boundaryless ocean?  When the isolated particle recalls being the entirety of the whole universal bang, the fullest bloom of unbound love...  no words can truly suffice.

Oneself becomes small very quickly.  Awareness becomes intensely primordial.  Picture an egg floating in the vast sea of formless source energy.  This sacrament almost instantly dissolves the shell, outer membrane and absorbs the egg whites and yoke into an undifferentiated expanse of pure conscious-awareness.  As the outer shell rapidly disappears, the barrier betwixt the inner and outer loses it's finite distinction.  Observation is still possible to the interior yoke, through its now alternated state of experiential being, yet, the lines are vanishing quickly and subjectivity become a less and less defined.  As the energy continues to vibrate into higher and higher frequencies of being, maintaining any degree of separation, incrementally becomes impossible. 

As the membrane dissipates, all sense of interior and exterior is washed away...  leaving the egg whites to expand further and further into the furthest reaches of cosmic mind, until they ARE the essence of said, "cosmic mind".  The yoke finds itself in a particularly compromised condition and that's an understatement!!!  While babies are born in tune with the universal state, the seedling of the Infinite tree of life, decades of conditioning gradually fix an identity to the paradigm of entering into living within the dichotomy of the time-space-continuum.  5-MeO reliably erases such silly human training in just a few minutes.  The infant within each of us is then left naked and helpless, much like our hypothetical yoke floating within the void of the Absolute.

If you good people will bear with this analogy, what follows is familiar to each soul as it is re-absorbed into the living source if all being, the indivisible, ineffible Godhead (what I affectionately term, the Omniself).  The yoke is then wholly dissolved by the oscillating sonic pulsations emanating from the very epicenter of Divine Being and in so doing, enters into seamless union with The Clear Light of The Void.  Moments before self annihilation, nano-seconds prior to total stillness of self referencing, there is a tremendous shift in attention.  As the immersion reaches full zenith, an understanding of the nature of the blinding whiteness blooms exponentially. 

The "yoke" has now returned to it's mother and more so, gained a profound remembrance of always having been it's own mother...  purest source consciousness.  Not just aware of emerging out of the hub of pure beingness, rather, having direct experience of always having been centered within said hub.  Deeply, deeply, deeply within this dawning of complete spiritual unity...  arises the urgent need to surrender wholly to the reality which transcends all realities.  In such a fusion between the soul bird and the eternal sky, there is no iota of differentiation.  No thought, no feeling, no self, no other...   no mind.  Not even Buddha mind or Christ consciousness remains intact witness to the inversion of self and nonself.  Within a boundary-less stillness, an unstruck note rings out forevermore.  There are no ears to hear it's exquisite music nor any hearts present to taste of it's unborn, undying love.  It simply is as it is.  Sat Chit Ananda.  AUM...   

The ego or self is not only gone now, it surrenders to the truth that it never really existed.  The One does not become the many.  The One is unbroken perfection itself humming along within the myriad dreamscape of the many.  The eternal Tao is always free and undifferentiated, existing in an undefined unity, epicentrically and for ever present AS the indefinable resplendence of Sunyata, the supreme magnificence of The Unified Field in it's own web like, invisible flowering state.  Granted, this unformed force is the quintessential source and is itself, always interconnected with all that has been, all that is and all that could ever possibly become, yet, somewhere within the zero point, somehow, we each choose to become existent.  To dream and to live to awaken, over and over again.

There is a peak moment within every psychedelic experience and with this particular sacrement, the price for admission is death.  Not just a dying to the illusion of separation and individualized perception, but a genuine death of the relativity of oneself.  This is wherein the full throttle whiteout experience explodes the yoke into countless points of effulgence. Atman is Brahman.

Nothing can feasibly be said about such an ascension of conscious-awareness, as no one is left to have reference or even witness the blinding light of this ascension.  From this side of the looking glass, I believe that the soul bird has now touched the ecstasy of the God plane and without any sliver of dualism, no words can have any meaning.  We may reflect this great illumination, we may echo it's booming power within our mind's heart...  but projection of any metaphysical conceptualization about this kind of special immersion, is wholly meaningless.

From the view gleaned from looking out beyond the confines of my own tiny little dream bubble of self-conscious experiences, is one that has no specific horizon line.  I have come to realize that we are capable of entering into higher spheres of cognition, those rays of energy that shine without thought or subjective quantification. 

To attempt to describe these hyper-real flashes of insight and epiphany...  is like trying to toss a marble or a pebble at a far away star.  The futility of actually hitting the solar body is the great irony of attempting to explain rationally, any mystical experience.  Within the sacred hoop of this potent trip into what a young friend of mine innocently calls, "The white room", the difficulty becomes an impossibility.  Returning from this vastly immense, fulcrum of loving light, ignites the journey of a lifetime, itself an eternity in the making.  Thank you for being here now, my cherished 5-Hive family members.  I love and respect you all and I always shall. 

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Toad Experiences and Testimonials / Re: My Non-Dual Experience

« on: June 07, 2019, 06:51:42 AM »

So being the kind of person that likes to validate their experience I'll ask this question.  Do you think this white experience phenomenon repeatable?
In all of my experiences they seem to go deeper the more I trust the experience and feel safe and know that love is the intention.  so-to-speak.
So, in that spirit, my thought is that there is even more which makes me chuckle with nervous excitement.  I'm good for a bit since it was only weeks ago did I experience this and I continue to integrate the essence into my life.

On all four of my journeys, the fully conscious whiteout experience was wholly repeatable.  The molecule takes away my fixation of being a finite self with a defined, subjective perspective.  The pure magic of this most sacred of medicines, is that it gifts the state of mind in which no thought exists, yet awareness leftists with new parameters.  Lots of psychonaut go blank when this kind of a shift in perception blooms, leaving no memory of the peaking moments. 

Through cultivation of both concentration and meditative centering, one is able to retain a great deal of the immersion.  Obviously, when the heights of nirvikalpa samadhi open up within the fulcrum of the sahasrara chakra (7th vortexial fulcrum), all duality evaporates like morning dew under the rays of the early morning sunshine.  So, there is a void of sorts within our remembrance, naturally.

One cannot be conscious within the realm of the relative self orientation and also be conscious of being completely unified, absolute and ineffably indivisible.  This is the area in which the soul bird must surrender to the pendulum-like nature of our glimpses into "cosmic consciousness".  The ego-self does this temporary silencing, thus allowing for the limitless expansion of conscious-awareness, wherein the seeker enters into the great white void.  Self dissolves into it's own source and within the infinite field of the blinding white light, an undifferentiated bliss is known without any thought or personal referencing.

The Buddhists call this state of being, Sunyata.  And while granted, much misunderstanding has arisen since Sakyamuni Buddha spoke of such things, it becomes crystal clear when graced by the enigmatic power of 5-MeO-DMT.  It's not that there is a blank nothingness, rather, there is ONLY the presence of source, ONLY the resplendent stillness of the Omniself in it's pure state (unbroken and undivided).

Where Buddhists turn away from all notions of God or oneself...  and this is ultimately the truth, they lose the experience of being God in the process.  Yes, the mind must stop thinking and conceptualizing to attain "enlightenment" but it's key to remember that awareness subsides without thought and that it is when the mind become a conscious of being light itself, that Nirvana is discovered as one's great nature.

This powerful sacrament can tear away one's conditioning in a matter of minutes, erase decades of schooling to operate within the normal modality.  Prior to what a friend of mine calls, "going up into the white room", we can observe the thought process being systematically dismantled.  During the direct interphase within the clear light of the void...  subject and object loses any meaning. The singularity of the unified field washes away any difference between the individual drop and the vast expanse of the ocean.  And yes, yes, yes, this is repeatable each voyage the aspirant takes into the great white void. 

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Toad Experiences and Testimonials / Re: My Non-Dual Experience

« on: May 30, 2019, 11:17:33 AM »

5MeO-DMT helped me have the most sublime human experience I’ve encountered up to this moment.  That being said, it was such a short experience, a very big one but lasting only 10 minutes.  Add another 10 minutes gently reintegrating into my body and enjoying the sensation makes it 20 minutes total.

As I inhaled all I could hold of the smoke from the pipe I released the pipe into his hands and deliberately lay my head back on the pillow at the end of the mat.  As soon as I did a massive sensation of the deepest relaxation I’ve ever felt came over me.  My body exhaled and sighed as it was too much effort to hold the breathe any longer...  The sense of me or I fell away.

A humming sound or sensation, not loud or soft, was present and there was an awareness of geometric shapes and lines whisking past the mind’s eye as if being sucked into a tunnel and picking up speed. There may have been a slight sense of fear but from that moment in memory there was only becoming aware of being in a place of absolutely pure, brilliant white.

I can’t say it was light, but I’ll call it that, since there seemed to be no origin or point of beginning or direction or end. It was all around and the point of reference was from something like within.  There was nothing, no feelings, no thoughts, no sound, anything, yet there was a sense of perfect contentment.  Nothing mattered, Yet it is all loved, Beyond understanding, Which makes it all possible and acceptable.

I was in this state of bliss for the remainder of my time. I felt nothing but infinite joy and gratitude then love moved through me causing my body to weep gently as I continued to stay with this light as long as I could.  The moment I noticed being hooked by any emotion or thought I would simply and gently bring my awareness back to the light again and would feel or notice the blissful state.  I was calm and happy.  I was experiencing the greatest sense of ecstasy my body could tolerate and wept gently all the while keeping my focus in the white.  It was the most beautiful experience I’ve ever had so far in this body.

Thank you for so elloquently sharing your experience.  How many times have you been anointed by this most sacred of molecules?  I have had just four, fully conscious whiteout experiences vaping the synthetic sacrament.  While I've been meditating for 45+ years now, in all honesty, I believe that this is the greatest gift to seekers who are earnestly exercising their attention and incrementally cultivating deeper resonance with the Source energy pulsing within each iota of manifestation of being, beating within the heart of all.  Soon I will be embarking upon my fifth voyage into the immensity and expansion, that is the nondual unification gleaned from embracing the death and ensuing re-birthing brought on from the miraculous 5-MeO-DMT. 

Disclaimer:  5MeO-DMT is not for everyone and my experience may not be typical!  This is not like my mushroom or ayahuasca experiences. I’d not been able to reach a point of “separation” from the ego in those experiences. They come on slower and, for me, there has always been a point of reference from my ego going deeper, then resistance.  In this experience the opposite seemed true.  When I fully inhaled there was no turning back in any way.  Once I felt it come on there was no time for bargaining...  I was gone

Would you please elucidate further, upon you'd own history and spiritual practices?  And I agree wholeheartedly, this medicine is not for everyone.  Do you feel that some folks ought not partake of this sacrement?  I do.  It could be devastating to some highly sensitive or mentally unstable people.  I've witnessed such problems arise with unprepared and fragile folks imbibing real LSD-25 and psilocybin mushrooms.  It can be dangerous to some potential initiates.  It can trigger a full blown kundalini activation.  That's a lot of juice to channel! 


Besides, facing death and life after life...  is something especially rarified and is often, initially terrifying.  Not everyone can surrender to the full immersion within the infinite force of the unified field of being, shattered by the indivisible vacuum of absolute zero, enigmatically abloom in a purely divine resplendense.  We awaken to know that we are that, here and now, an eternity in the making. 


Being devoured into sheer oblivion, dying as a separate fulcrum of a finite self yet blissfully, forevermore ecstatically expanding into the unbound limitlessness of the ineffible vibration, lovingly emanating from the vortex of the effulgent white light of Brahman.  Conscious-awareness without thought, dichotomy of subject & object, nor any form of self reflection.  No mind, no dreaming, no boundary to encapsulate the ego.  This nirvikalpa samadhi state brightly dawns anew as the presence of the undying spirit of the Godhead, which ignites a profound remembrance of the selfless self, the Omniself, as oneself...  our very truest self, which we each share together (an echo of the Source).  "Many are called but few are chosen."   

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Introductions/Newbies / Re: Intro

« on: May 22, 2019, 09:43:33 AM »

Greetings, mate.  I share your gratitude and enthusiasm for being a part of this awesome collective of bright souls. Please share with the welcoming group, your experiences with the Toad medicine and/or lab produced 5-MeO-DMT.  You'll find something great deal of knowledge and human kindness within this group.  It's wonderful to have the inclusion of your energy, herein.   

10

Preparation and Integration / Re: Anyone else have 5-MeO-DMT related injuries?

« on: April 15, 2019, 09:10:06 AM »

Thank you for responding.


By many many uses, I mean about 100 over the course of one year. Synthetic 5-MeO-DMT, 20 mg smoked. At one point I was doing this 3 times a in a session, following the method of Martin Ball (I don't recommend him obviously)

So you are saying that you've had 100 journeys in one year?  From my perspective, that is way too many times to maintain internal balance and ground the teaching, through integration.  20mg is very, very potent and if some of your 100 journeys were with 3 sessions of 20mg in a single day...  no wonder you are having major health issues.  I have never exceeded 9 mg and I honestly though that taking 9mg might actually kill me.  You've way overloaded your system, my friend and that's an understatement.  My prayer for you is that you believe in your own innate ability to heal your system and find peace of mind. You are not alone.   

It's already been a year and a half since my last psychedelic and I still haven't improved. I'm pretty sure this is lasting brain damage.
You say you can't do permanent damage? In January of last year, I basically spent the whole month not sleeping at all. At the end of it, my skin started loosening and getting older, badly, in a short time. (confirmed by a dermatologist btw) That has not recovered and it isn't going to, it's only got worse in the year since I quit. I'm 24 years of age.

To be honest, I'm not much interested anymore in energy, teachings. That stuff gets real old when you can't have a good nights' sleep for over a year. I just want to lay down and rest. Probably jump off a cliff.

In all honesty, I keep going back and forth, trying to figure out your situation.  I sometimes think you are a troll who is trying to scare other people from ever trying 5-MeO-DMT.  That being said, I also can take your story at face value and feel tremendous empathy for your suffering.  May I ask you why you imbibed to frequently and in such high doses?  Where you seeking a breakthrough experience that just never happened?  Or were you just trying to remember what you had experienced in full peaking moments? 

Regardless of what I think about your posts on this site, please know that there is no permanent damage done, however doubtful you feel right now.  Of course, I am not saying that all "drugs" cannot leave damage to the body and mind, as that would be rather naive.  Alcohol, heoin and other harsh drugs can be quite destructive.   Even so, every cell in the human body is replaced by a new one, every seven years.  While your subtle nerves are no doubt fried from over indulgence...  you can find healing and balance in due time.  You have done what a lot of LSD users did in the 1960s and 1970s, you have overloaded your neurobiology with way, way too much of the sacrement.  Like Icarus, you have flown too close to the sun and have come crashing down from the sky to a difficult landing. 

Please don't entertain jumping off a cliff or a bridge or any other form of suicide.  Today is a new day and you've a long lifetime tomorrows to live.  The greater the overdose, the greater the need for incremental healing.  I do know that the first steps to lasting healing are those of faith, belief and positive affirmation.  It's time for you to create the space in your mind that can allow for healing and integration.  Please understand that I am sending light to you, even as I type these words.  Ask the universe for a new start and you will be rewarded by the degree that you believe you shall receive it.  As the Buddha wisely stated, "As you think, so you shall become."  Plant the seed of hope and be patient for it to grow. 

Ultimately, only you, yourself, can regain balance and find your way back to a healthy life.  I know I can speak for a good number of the members herein, that you are loved and compassionate prayers are winging their way to you.  Be receptive to changing your attitude.  Any imbalances can be righted and come to true.  Do stay clean of any psychedelics for a few years...   maybe even a decade?  For some souls, never imbibing again is necessary. 

My small advice, for the time being, is to work with your body and eat a good diet.  Take each moment as it comes and forge a new pathway for yourself.  Write a new chapter in the book of your life.  You and you alone, are the author of your own destiny.  Hold your head up, buddy.  Open your heart to a new start, a new dream (one which arises whole and grounded).

May you be reborn anew, friend.   

11

Preparation and Integration / Re: Anyone else have 5-MeO-DMT related injuries?

« on: April 03, 2019, 08:18:46 AM »

I wonder if there are others like me who have done severe/permanent harm to their bodies after many many uses of 5-MeO-DMT. I noticed there isn't a thread on here yet talking about harm reduction, so this could be a place for us to talk about it.

I am so sorry you are still suffering, friend.  What do you mean by, "many many uses"?  How frequently had you been imbibing?  What have you been smoking, Toad venom or synthetic 5-MeO and in what dosages?  Too much medicine is in fact, often poisonous.  You cannot, however, do permanent damage, the body can always reset to health, although you may not exactly feel so right now.  In time you will be transformed into true, reborn and whole.  The first step towards rebirth is releasing the past traumas and embracing healing vibrations drawn from the source.  Find your connection to the source and follow it's teaching.   

Do give yourself some significant time to heal and please forgive me if this sounds rather blunt...  but please stop using entheogens for a while, whether 5-MeO or any other psychedelics, altogether.  Might it not be wise to take a much needed sabbatical?  I honestly suspect that you have gone to the well far, far too often without proper grounding and in so doing, have yet to restore balance via methodical integration. 

I did that myself with massive doses of real LSD-25, taken far too frequently, way back in the 1970s.  It's kind of like eating too much in one sitting.  Digest what you've over earnestly indulged in...  and put down the fork n' spoon.  Pronto.  I stopped all use of all entheogens for nearly 18 years, until I was ready to continue the medicine path with respect and some modicum of restraint.  Epic journeys are alluring but if overdone, the after effects mess with our return to ordinary life.  Less is more.  You will find the way, I sincerely wish you wellness.   

If there's any other people who have permanent symptoms after chronic use such as buzzing, tremor, anxiety and insomnia, among others, please let it be known. I can't believe I'm the only one yet I feel so lonely. If anyone else is out there who is going through the same experience, please reach out. Thank you

Again, your belief that your symptoms are permanent is so counterintuitive.  What is ever permanent about any existential paradigmn?  Healing and balance are a choice you must make and furthermore, you need to believe that you can find balance, that you can come to wholeness, that you can find peace.  This requires redirecting the same energy surges which you now suffer with, 180 degrees towards an unswerving faith, a foundation in sincere surrender, the intentional positive affirmations and an undaunted resolve to get busy integrating the immense forces surging within your dream bubble of self.  We all fly too close too the sun when we grow new wings.  But we rebound with humility and take new flight.  It's a journey that spans lifetimes beyond count.

Please don't misunderstand my reply as being unsympathetic or lacking empathy, as I do care and send some loving light your way.  It's just that it's paramount that you understand that you've unwittingly taken too much energy into your system.  The voltage was too great for your present ability to channel.  It is not uncommon.  Fear and discomfort can be great teachers if you listen to their message and heed the lessons they lay down.  Your biggest issue is an inability to find internal harmony and balance, yes?  If you believe it can manifest, it will.  If you believe it cannot...  then, it simply cannot.  Choose wellness and incrementally make it a living reality, mate.   

12

Spirituality / Re: KUNDALINI & PSYCHEDELICS

« on: April 02, 2019, 09:58:42 AM »

I'd like to briefly touch upon the state of mind which our beloved sacrement shapes.  I feel that it is key for us to understand that conscious-awareness does in fact exist without any thought, as a primary fulcrum of beingness.  Absense of mental dialog is still a vital focal point of keen observation.   The Zen tradition terms this state as, No Mind.  The great quietude.   

It effulgently pulses in sheerest resplendence without need of conceptualization or quantification.  The biggest hurdle any voyager faces is the rememberance of WTF actually happens when the thinking process is frozen, or more accurately, is rapidly dissolved (albeit temporarily). 

This is essentially where deep meditation is of vital importance, for without ideas and conditioned mental modes of cognitive operation (one's  normal modus operendi), there is the life changing experience of being something else, something immense, ineffible and wholly spiritual in nature.  Unborn and ageless, yet all pervasive and ancient.

Holding focus throughout the peak reveals interiors within interiors, whose epicenter is wholly formless and undifferentiated without fixation.  I humbly confess that as terrifying as thus can be...  it blooms into the greatest bliss imaginable.  Just an afterthought.   Enjoy this eternal moment, guys.     

13

Spirituality / Re: KUNDALINI & PSYCHEDELICS

« on: March 31, 2019, 12:11:08 PM »

I am a yogi, studying and practicing from the traditional hatha background (as opposed to the Kundalini yoga teachings, which are a different methodology). I have not had a full kundalini awakening, but my kundalini has been open and mildly active for many years, particularly during meditation. Most noticeably, this comes in the form of subtle vibration, shaking, spontaneous movements that I am not controlling, etc.

Namaskar and welcome to the 5 Hive.  It's wonderful to have you onboard.  I assume, as a hatha yogi, you practice mantra japa and pranayama?  I have walked many roads and trained in various systems of meditation but they have all led deeper within and augmented greater surges of energy throughout the body.  Sadhana has been paramount to peeling away layers of dreaming illusion and mis-identification.  On the highest levels, we find that what we seek is our very own nature itself.   

I use yoga and meditation nowadays as a tool for spiritual growth, and as life and the process of going inward has started to intensify and I continue to face my own shadows head on, I have turned to exploring with various psychedelics in order to help me face the things that I’m having trouble getting to otherwise. This has been a slow process, as there has been a lot of fear on my part to “lose control” with psychedelics, but I am gaining an understanding that this is the exact reason I must persist.

I feel that one of the greatest misnomers about the nature of conscious-awareness, especially where entheogens are concerned, is that we have any control over the process of ego death.  Each of us needs to let go, to allow for a certain undoing of the personal, mortal self.  Now as individuals, we do have tangible control over willing ourselves to embrace surrender, to accept being dissolved into the immense limitlessness of the sheer void.  And abject terror can be our teacher.  Fear is a mirror of sorts, revealing where we are attached and in so doing, how to release our attachments and face all fears as lessons in self-reflection.  That being said, I do believe that love is perhaps the greatest teacher of them all.  We lose ourselves when we love without reservation or any condition.       

My experience to date (mild mushroom trips, several ayahuasca ceremonies and most recently 5-meo) have all had one striking similarity: a strong energetic effect. A release or un-tapping of kundalini, manifesting in powerful energy surges, in some cases lasting for several hours. It was after my second ayahuasca ceremony a couple years ago this particular 8 hour (!) surge happened. This was, I believe, the moment that induced kundalini to start rising (as opposed to it mildly moving but not really going anywhere.) While most of these experiences have not been uncomfortable, per se, it’s become clear to me that when I use psychedelics it directly affects the energy system in tangible ways. Needless to say, that 8hr experience was extremely draining.

Psychedelics surely do open neural pathways into higher spheres of consciousness, flooding one's attention with a tremendous bloom of insight and as  suddenly, tears away the ordinary fabric of the dreaming self, which habitually blinds us to the living presence of the Divine, right before us and the epicenter within us, all along.  Without the false fascade of being an isolated organism, separate from everything else out there, the great web of life graciously reveals the interconnection and symbiosis inherent in all life.  Grace is huge!  This enlightenment can be realized without entheogens but the sacred medicines help to expediate the process of kundalini activation and gifts the direct interphase with the source.  Yet we all come down.  Dare we call it a preview? Such immense, expansive forces being released puts a lot of stress upon nadis within the subtle body, so less is more.   

While I know I cannot lump these different entheogens into one category, as their experiences and methodologies are all different, I can broadly say that I’ve never had much in the way of hallucinogenic effect (mildly with ayahuasca) but rather, there has always been a sense that the plant (or the 5-meo in that case) was working on the energy system itself as a way of “clearing the channels”.

Agreed, they all have very unique qualities, characteristics and attributes.  Some gift more visuals, some more sonics.  "Hallucinations" are specifically, Ajna chakra phenomena and if you imbibe in higher does of real LSD or psilocybin mushrooms, these can get very complex and quite unbelievable.  Have you vaped N,N-DMT?  Talk about a kaleidoscopic journey!  5-MeO opens channels which attune to limitless effulgence.  Each plant teacher has it's own signature and specific, potent effects. 

But yeah, they do share the capacity to dramatically shift our attention and aid in dissolving the ego-self.  5-MeO-DMT is the very pinnacle of such a powerful catalyst and I feel that it is working with our most expanded fields of the mind's heart and via the immense release of cosmic juice, explodes the seeker into that which is sought.  I concur with James Orac, 5 is a wholly Sahasrara oriented experience.  This sacrement shows us that there is no true difference between the inside and the outside.  Atman is Brahman. 

I understand that 5-meo theoretically opens up our crown chakra and gives us that experience of ultimate non-duality (enlightenment) but without “doing the work” and clearing the energy pathways (which also entails working on your psychology) we cannot reach that place for good. My experience with 5 was in no way earth shattering. I did not ‘see god’ or feel non-duality or any of that. Mostly, I just blacked out. But again, when coming back to reality, it unleashed a well of energy, this time all emotional. I cried uncontrollably.. neither happy nor sad. Just raw energy being released.

Learning from the Toad or it's synthetic counterpart is a difficult path.  Certainly, the biggest challenge is in maintaining focus during the peak.  As the subject/object dichotomy vanishes, as individuality evaporates in the plume of the rise into Samadhi...  holding attention can be derailed and such blackouts or more correctly put, whiteouts, obscuring our remembrance of the self-shattering eclipsing with the infinity that is God.  There is just the One.  Meditation is so key to strengthening our concentration.  Ultimately, our inner vision blossoms beyond the relative perception into the transcendence of the Absolute state and this is why we are here now (where we always been and shall forever be).   

14

5-MeO-DMT Experiences and Testimonials / Fourth Voyage into The Epicenter of Infinity

« on: March 21, 2019, 12:33:03 PM »

Greetings to each and all of you.  I was blessed to embark upon my fourth experience with 5-MeO-DMT, an intense immersion within the timeless bloom of this present moment, this eternally dawning now.  As with my first three journeys, last summer, I entered the blinding luminosity of a full-blown whiteout experience.  I was fully conscious every minute of the direct interphase.  Oh my God!   


I have studied the phenomenon of conscious-awareness for close to forty five years now and have come to understand that consciousness itself, is much like light. It can be enveloped in darkness, as with the unconscious-ness of deep sleep, semi-conscious, as with our "normal" waking life and supra-conscious, as with heightened states triggered directly by entheogens.  This sacred medicine opens up yet another level of conscious-awareness, one which transcends the subject/object dichotomy. 


I refer to this state as Omni-consciousness.  It is a nondual frequency of mind. Well, way beyond what we ordinarily conceive of as being of the mind. It's really more of a blossoming fulcrum of ever- expanding universal mind.  I believe it is a state without any iota of thought, without any degree of self-identification and exists as a still point of unwaivering attention, one in which all differentiation dissolves into a holistic pulsation of undifferentiated, Absolute being.  During full white-out mode, ideas change from one's routine of accustomed thought patterning, to a deep pause of such a mechanism.  Within such a silencing of the mortal mind, there becomes a space for other modes of experience.  Opening doors to perceptual vistas beyond the beyondest of beyonds.


Each time I journey with this molecule, I am swept away by the incredible sonics accompanying the immense shift in attention.  So much about the trip is purely Yogic and Tantric in nature.  What the Sufi mystics have named "Shabd" (divine music), becomes highly discernible as one's concentration occilates at higher and still higher levels, more expanded and primordial vibratory frequencies.  Behind and deeply within these ringing harmonies, rumbles the sound of eternity, the overtone which ignites all motion from an immeasurable stillness...  whose sonic birth echoes the holy droning song of AUM, whose alluring tone is eternally buzzing.  This ignites a dawning and it is refracted within the myriad reflections of the One.  Twin currents wrestle entwined, each a reflection of the other, opposite energy polarity. 


It's sound always pulls my fixation from the mortal to the immortal.  The One expression naturally creates this grand, panorama of diversified life, upon which the light of God freely shines, mirroring it's Absolute intelligence and simultaneously, radiates an all-embracing touch of a love.  A freedom that has no destination, preference nor intended design aimed freely at each point in the picture.  It simply manifests into being from the great white void and emits consciousness...  who can rightly say just why...  simply because it does. 


Again, there was a paired interplay between the observer and that being observed.  One moment no-thing was happening...  all was undifferentiated brilliance.  An effulgence within any shadow to recognize it as effulgence.  So blinding as to be wholly ineffible.  The next moment, there was the sense of a sort of gravity of self.  A vested interest and yearning desire to become...  to be existent.  I am.  I am here.  I have always been here.  I shall always be here, forevermore.  Then, all dissolves back into the undifferentiated.  Here, I am unborn.  I am wholly unformed.  I am before I am.  I am yet to arrive as who I am.  I simply am.  Am I really?  Lol   


This enigmatic fluttering counterpoint was matched by the hugely rapid beating of my heart.  This dichotomy betwixt the clearly perceivable interconnection of the infinite web of being or unified field and the all-pervasive emptiness and insubstanciality hidden within everything, the unbroken core of the indivisibility of the inherent divinity which seats as epicentrical to each and all.  I guess what I am driving at is that from one millisecond to the next, the whole of the universe came into intricately majestic form, while that which cannot be divided hums along indivisibly, re-absorbing God and the entire cosmos as if it never had even happened at all. 


Learning to regulate the heartbeat during the imbibing of this powerful sacrement, has become more natural to me.  Remembering to breathe evenly and keeping the attention steadily focussed upon the Omni-conscious activity throbbing inside of my physical shell and coursing throughout the circuitry existent as humankind.  The release of kundalini continues to sky-rocket from the base of the spine, to the highest portal atop of the higher crown region or seventh chakra. 


In my deepest inner experiences, this area is where the energy explodes into a cascading fountain, flooding into the entirety of the auric/ethereal, Atmaic body, which is seamlessly sheathed within the 3 dimensional material body.  As this occurs, tears spill from the corners of my eyes and Amrita trickles from the upper brain to the center (pineal) and furthest rear area of the throat, tasting sweet and most euphoria inducing. 


This then is Samadhi?  It cannot be said from our relative point in the dualistic paradigmn.  Such ecstatic immersion is too transcendental to describe in mere words alone.  It's all about the direct vibe.  I feel that the entrancement is more about pure sensation, soul resonance and our interconnection with the whole of the great web of life.  Of course, during the full eclipsing and the whiteout peak...  nothing but the whiteness and immensity of an indescribable energy source is known as oneself (one self).  I believe that the very same singularity of "one self", is perrenially existent as everyone, everywhere, always and forevermore. 


And that is all that is known.  In so knowing, the knower is consumed by the knowledge.  At such a moment, there is really no longer anyone to observe anything.  Only room for One.  Even so, conscious-awareness still abides and it does so in it's own Omnipotent way.  From this side of the looking glass, it is the reflection of the faceless face of Brahman.   


Two days ago, there was a distinct ascendance from the very tipping-top of the rear crown area, to a vortex of energy an arms length higher still.  It is an eight chakra and the point at which the soul enacts life through the body.  Sort of like a puppeteer manipulating a marionette but without mortal motive or desire.  From this realm of conscious-awareness, everything appears to unfold spontaneously.  Whatever takes place within the fertile dreamscape of the ego puppet, belongs to the dreaming marionette, endlessly dancing out of an admixture of fear and aspiration, weaving many unfolding desires into the storyline and as a dualistic puppet, remains ever hungry for true love. 

15

Introductions/Newbies / Re: newbie

« on: February 14, 2019, 10:56:13 AM »

Hola and welcome to this wonderful collective.  I am curious if your other six voyages with the medicine were the same for you, in terms of union with the Divine.  Have you been able to stay consciousness during your subsequent journeys?  Have you had the white light immersion in any of your 5 encounters?  Has your Kundalini been activated from any of your sessions?  Where you aware of the sonic nature of the universal pulse, "the carrier wave" or rather, the AUM vibration echoing into eternity?  For myself and the three eclipses I've had with the 5 sacrement, entering the nondual state was sudden and honestly, quite overwhelming.  Everything about it paralleled the classic arousal of Nirvikalpa Samadhi. 


It's sooooooo difficult to describe a place where there is no thought and one's self is wholly dissolved within the immensity and rapture of oneness.  In my 3 experiences, the awareness of being existent remained palpable, yet, I was not a separate aspect of the whole, observing the phenomenon, I had a deep remembrance of having always been the source and the center of that which is beyond any iota of division. This culminates with a dissolution of ego, becoming lost in the blinding effulgence of the undifferentiated void, the unified field of the Omniself.  I share many of your spiritual interests and yogic inspirations, especially Advaita Vedanta.  Please share more of your experiences with us.