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Messages - Rising Spirit

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While I composed this trip report yesterday, the occurence happened one month ago on August 10th.  It has taken me four weeks to ground the experience  and translate much of the dynamic into written language.  Here and there, over the last month, I jotted down memories and impressions.  While these "snippets" are fragmentary...  they still vibrate with the ineffable energy of 5-MeO-DMT.  I'd like to post s few of them here now, as an accompaniment to the more rationally composed posting seated above.  Okay?   _/|\_ _/|\_

Just a few odd snippets:

"One long slow inhalation and a deep pause...  then rapidly skyrocketing into an immense field of undifferentiated energy, pulsing in unison with my drumming heartbeat, opening a portal into infinite light, as I dissolve into the effulgent heartbeat of the void.  I had the sensation of falling out of myself.  Or was it far deeper into myself?  I felt the immediate need to crouch forward in the yogic tortoise pose, for I could scarcely tell up from down but still held on the the idea of having a physical form.  One that might topple the wrong way and potentially get hurt.  Seconds afterwards I had no feeling of being with the 3rd dimension.  No cognizance of existing within the time-space-continuum or of being human.  I was aware only of the high frequency vibration and the neon whiteness absorbing me into it's immaterial fulcrum.  I couldn't even question to myself if I even existed at all."

"As the geyser-like force propelled my consciousness higher and higher, I was ripped suddenly from my ordinary ego mesmerism.  Now I was experiencing a blindingly white flood of immeasurable energy.  It consumed me in a matter of a handful of passing moments.  I floated within an effulgent vortex of absolute formlessness for what felt like days, weeks, years...  if not even whole series of lifetimes (shuffled like a deck of cards within ancient, yet, unborn and infantile hands)!  While this sensation overwhelmed my rapidly shifting awareness, I was being incrementally washed away by an omnipresent, oceanic presence.  I harnessed my intent , overcame my fears and released myself willingly.  I have used the analogy of an Alka Seltzer tablet bubbling and dissolving within a glass of water, in the past before, and while silly on many levels, it is accurate in my experiences.  It seems most apt at describing the energetic dissolution of the fragile human ego-self, under the potent spell of this sacrament."

"I humbly suggest, that if there has been anything of true value gained from over 45 years of formal sitting meditation, it is the gradual capacity to hold silent witness to immaterial realms of existential reality.  The attunement developed to keep an unwavering point of focussed concentration upon sheer emptiness and the bloom of incorporial energies.  That being said, even one's individual subjectivity is pretty much erased from the immensity of the 5-MeO experience.  I personally find it rather impossible to keep myself centered within the unitive, nondual and simultaneously, try to encapsulate that expansive state with human wording or effectively describe the undifferentiated field of the Infinite.  One cannot be both indivisible consciousness and be an objective, separate observer.  When the eclipsing is anointed, everything finite and tangible melts into the blinding luminosity of the Clear Light of The Void...  gone like so much charred ash blown away in a gust of ineffable wind."

"The sequence and duration of the eclipsing must have ensued for some time.  It turns out it was close to forty-five minutes, as clocks and digital devices measure such things.  That being said, it felt like an eternity in the making, yet, the buzzing rush also existed without any iota of time or conversely, of timelessness.  The primordial now.  Eventually, from far, far away it came echoing...  I Am.  Am I?  Yes. That is all I knew, I Am.  Who am I?  What am I?  What I felt I was...  was wholly indeterminable, all I knew was that I existed within the innermost, epicentrical core of everything...  yet, I was fundamentally no-thing at all. I now feel that in our deepest vital center, we are all fundamentally impossible to limit or contain, let alone to even grasp.  We are each and all of us, also entirely enigmatic phenomena." 

"Perhaps the greatest paradox is that to be centered within the indivisible  state...  one needs to release one's separation from the oneness.  I have gone very close to the blindingly bright effulgence of the peak, several times but as my mind and very selfhood stops...  there comes a point of either observing the phenomenon or being the phenomenon.   When the last veil is torn asunder, an infinite pause takes place within the pilgrim's entirety of being.  Within such a vast and empty void...  there are no selves.  Not even Christ consciousness or Buddha Mind are allowed to fracture the unbroken unity.  It is herein that the Divine spirit is born anew, reborn as a timeless, substanceless pulsation.  Almost like the beating of a heart?"

"A turning point began to reveal itself and the free and undifferentiated consciousness that I Am, gradually became denser and still denser, until there was once more, a witness to the sacred vision.  An entity capable of feeling ecstasy and deep gratitude..   I had returned from existentially being a light so bright it cannot see itself, to an enraptured lover of the living presence of God.  My mind's heart was enshrined with a concentration of love so great it almost seems to yearn for release and self expression.  And so, I became myself again and cried tears of profound thanks and a resolve for lasting spiritual redemption.  Or so it seems from this side of the looking glass."

It had been almost exactly two calendar years since my inaugural voyage with the enigmatic God molecule, 5-MeO-DMT...  and this my ninth journey, I imbibed the largest amount of the sacrament yet, 13mg freebase.  The set and setting were nearly identical, as it was a gloriously sunny summer day with blue skies and puffy white clouds lazily floating across the sky.  I felt carefree, excited and most inspired...  and that is quite an understatement.  The crickets and cicadas were singing their enchanting summer songs and dragon flies drifted upon the easy summer breeze.  Birds chipped along in flawless harmony.  I felt ready to offer myself to the immense force of the medicine, ready to sacrifice my dreamscape to the undifferentiated power of the infinite Godhead...  like a tiny air bubble, effortlessly washed away by the force of a raging river.  Or perhaps so much cosmic dust, blown into the beyondest of beyonds?  "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." 

Admittedly, this is always VERY terrifying.  Right?  I don't care how much experience one has with other entheogens, 5-MeO is the pinnacle.  In my own journeys, this is as close to dying as I've encountered with any psychedelic substance before.  There is always the sense of actual physical death and it is coupled with the understanding that nothing of my dream of existence was ever real.  I, you, us, them...  none of it was ever real at all.  Sentience is impermanent and is a mirage of sorts.  If so, had by whom?  We may never know.  Some things defy encapsulation.  But who doesn't love a good mystery?  Well, I suspect that you all intuit what I am getting at.  Near death experiences without powerful psychedelic catalysts are much the same but from my own dramatic experience of drowning in a swimming pool, as a young boy, it is radically less explosive.  But since I didn't actually expire permanently, I can't say with any modicum of certainty that it doesn't accelerate to such a state.  No one can ever return to tell us, anyway.

Obviously, the greatest impact of the Sacred Medicine left me in a vacuum, an entirely entranced focus, one without even the sense if being an observer to the experience unfolding.  Still, upon partial re-coalescence, an immense wealth of omniversal knowledge cascaded into my newly forming subjectivity.  It was like a profound remembrance.  An epiphany which topped any epiphany I'd ever gleaned.  There was this timeless presence which eluded my sense of origin or direction.  After all, when the inside and the outside are identical, it is impossible to contextualize anything nor grasp any quantifiable concept or meaning about such mysterious states of perception.  That being said, an ancient voice was singing a song which contained the entirety of everything, while remaining fixed within it's forever enigmatic no-thingness.  AUM... out from the roaring silence, AUM.  I am here now.  I am awake within this beginningless, endless moment. I always have been.

It dawned upon my infantile ability to think at all, that such a remembrance was the whole purpose for my existence.  It had been all along.  It is fundamentally all of our purpose for existing.  I seemed to comprehend that I chose to be here.  We all do, in a nutshell.  I don't know why and nobody can truly ever know why.  It just is as it is.  We naturally, are here because we decided that we are to be here now.  A very long journey of awakening had now crested for this mortal dreamer.  A notion arose that there is no reason that we appear out of an absolute realm of supreme void.  Some things just transcend reason.  Ergo, the universe recreates itself in an unbridled, spontaneous manner.  The entirety of the cosmos, both microcosmic and macrocosmic, blooms out of itself.  Who can say why?  And I suspect that we each, likewise, blossom of this same nondual field, this very same source.  It's a bit like finding oneself back in the womb, but preparing to give birth to oneself.  Does that make any sense? 

I began to feel saved, if you will.  Gratitude filled me completely.  I felt a pristine love, self-obliterating one like no other kind of love I have tasted.  Rather, the degree that I was experiencing love was far greater and far more intoxicating than I'd heretofore ever had.  Complete unity without division.  I would never feel alone again, as I was certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was quintessentially, all one.  "I and my God are one."  Taking this one conclusion further, it became palpable that while I myself, as a separate part of the whole, was a cognitive illusion of sorts, playing hide and seek with myself...  the Divine was not illusory in any way.  It is the only reality, cleverly hidden within everything else.  The Omniself resides in complete resplendense and always shall.  Therefore, the only thing of reality was our core essence residing within the Unified Field. This brought on a flood of tears and like a waterfall, a cascadence of ecstasy beyond anything I had ever known.  This "cascadence" poured down from the highest plane I am able to conceive of and flooded my mind's heart with the kind of euphoria that I hadn't imagined in my wildest dreams.

Yes, I have had this experience of Amrita before.  It is gifted to the thirsty human spirit from the epicentrical Source.   It always seems to settle in the heart and spill over into the entirety of one's being.  I was at last, inextricably home!  I had finally realized both my purpose and my own small destiny.  I fell forwards in deepest humility and thanked God with all of my rapidly re-crystallizing urgency.  I vowed to live more consciously, to live far more earnestly, with more focussed attention and to abide in deeper harmony with the entire universe at play.  I lovingly thank you all for sharing this world and the intertwined strings of our ever expanding dreamscapes together. 

Sat Chit Ananda_/|\_ _/|\_

3rd snippet:

"From my perspective, there are direct parallels with Advaita Vedanta and the sacred initiation gifted by plant teachers, whose magik is inherent within molecules, which are naturally imbibed by humankind as psychedelic medicines.  My highest peak moments occur to an ancient but simultaneously, a naked and infantile witness to this miraculous dance of life.  The I-thought is effectively frozen for a spell, as it is in complete stasis for a timeless pause, echoing into eternity.  Whomever is looking through this immediate lens of self, expressing a desire to be and become...  abiding in sheerest transparency of mind, is reborn anew to wonder and to awaken.  This conscious-awareness without identity is a primordial awareness without any quantifiable appearance, nor does it create any actor to play any specific part (to pretend to be a reality of individualized existentialism).  It is one with the nondual Source.  The eclipsing of self and Omniself is forever shrouded in complete and utter mystery.  Entheogens do have such a tremendous power to destroy and recreate any reality conceivable.  Even the emptiness of the great void becomes one's truest soul focus.  But only for a sacred moment.  5-MeO is IMO, the very pinnacle of such altered perceptual magik.  When the inside and the outside are interchangeable...  the whole field of energy re-absorbs the witness into the vibration of pure crystalline emptiness.

As I have experienced it, the sudden bloom sky rockets the perception of the temporal self deeply into a trance state, one ignited by the sounds of oscillating tonal frequencies, cascading bands of light creating music without melody.  Mesmerizing sounds, echoing and ringing-out from deep within and far beyond oneself, pull the perceptual axiom beyond all known boundaries.   An overtone scintillating higher still, further pulls the attention of the awakening dreamer from the tonal symphony to the single overtone.  This shifts the rapt attention into another dimension, one pulsing to a timeless rhythm.  As the chorus of harmonics blend into a single source...  The rumbling, fluttering droning of AUM becomes almost deafening yet so extraordinarily exquisite.  Even as the dissolving I-thought clings to it's imaginary form and substance, the sheer will power of the I-Am, stubbornly battles to rise into existential being, despite the approaching saturation/interphase into infinity...   the undifferentiated sea of non-dual, unitive consciousness (somehow abloom within an eternal, forever spontaneous, cyclical flow of creation, preservation and dissolution).

Just prior to a total white out experience and immediately after the immeasurable void becomes touched, experientially, whilst the ego is immersed within the truest core of oneself and travels far beyond oneself...  the voyager re-coalesces into a brand new being, altogether.  And despite retaining the dreamscape of one's own, unique personal history, a clear remembrance lingers enigmatically.  The soul once so eclipsed by the Divine presence, throughout the appex of the mystical peak, tastes immortality and expands into unbound silence, understanding that conscious-awareness exists freely, transcending the veil of the linear, time-space-continuum.  No thought, no conception, no ideas about anything at all.  One awakens to an effulgence of clear, unwaivering attention.  Refracting light without notion nor any iota of intention.  A highly profound attunement, incrementally changes the mind and heartbeat of the intrepid spirit traveler, from the relative field...  to the absolute field.  Even as ego-self takes hold of oneself, once again, it effectively re-crystallizes in unison within an intricate web of interwoven rays of clear white light (shining in ecstatic nirvana and sheerest bliss, imprinted by an eternal resplendence)."    _/|\_ _/|\_ 

2nd snippet:

"While my ability to maintain my subjectivity was still intact, I tried to note some of the characteristics which the eclipsing imprints itself within the mind and heart of the psychonautical traveler. There were distinctly 5-MeO visual and sonic phenomena, unique from other psychedelics yet some aspects of it are similar to the highest peak elements of it's other entheogenic family members. Unlike most tryptamines and phenothylamines, this was not a rainbow-hued voyage into a spiralling, constantly changing and morphing fractal patterning. 

What I saw was almost like a pulsing black and white expanse, save for shimmering refractions of a green-blue teal color and purplish magenta.  It was an iridescent accent to the almost stark monochromatic scheme of the vertical trajectory reflected within my perceptual field.  I remember that while I was dissolving my identity, there were parallel bars of light to either side if my perceptual field.  One of the teal and one magenta.  They were symbiotic with one another, insofar as being refractions of a singular ray of immense light.  The third eye center was wide open but the force pushing a panoramic flowering of intricate geometry, one of exceedingly high energy and one of a subtle, translucency in it's humming tonality, shimmering in the nearly whited-out visionary brilliance.  As the appex of the peak approached, my consciousness shifted beyond place and time.  Self and other had lost all meaning.  The inside and the outside lost all differentiation. 

I had had such experiences before with high-dose clean LSD-25, psilocybin mushrooms and N,N-DMT but they came with a certain narrative, a kind of mythos and mystical resonance.  5-MeO, in my belief, generates a Samadhi experience and is more of a state in which both creates, encompasses and devours that energy pattern upon which the mythos and mystical play in waves of myriad spontaneous possibilities.  So, effectively, a fusion with this plane of being stops all thought.  I became enthralled by the sounds I was hearing from within my own head and seemingly, everywhere else's, as well.  It synced perfectly with the songs if the crickets, cicadas, birds and whistling summer breeze.  There is a distinct variance between the humming of the 5-MeO sonic strings and the Carrier Wave encountered with cousin N,N-DMT.  I always get this waving effect, sonically speaking, with the DMT sonics.  And with the Spirit Molecule, the sound is louder to me on the right side of my head (brain).  This was exactly like the parallel bars of light but the polarity was in pitch.  One vibrated at a higher tonal frequency, while the other at a lower octave.  Together, they created a wonderful resonance. 

Behind and deep with the paired tones, echoed a rumbling OM tone, vibrating in eternal splendor.  It became a roaring and even thunderingly prominent within my hearing range.  It absorbed my mind.  The droning was highlighted by a humming, buzzing higher ringing.  This seemed to melt into a stillness and deep silence.  It was as if a pause and unbound expanse of sheer empty space was poised on the subtle fringes of the symphony of sounds, sensations and intense energy pulsations.  Surely, if we conceptualize about this attribute of emptiness within the complexity of multidimensional extensions emanating out of this clear light of the Void, we might concur that it is much like the eye of some ethereal hurricane.  The immensity of the peak and ensuing whiteout experience are of the highest resonance I've ever encountered with any other Sacred Medicine, any other of the primary psychedelics.  Within the whiteout, I don't remember anything.  Everything was undifferentiated light.  There was no-thing to observe, as I was frozen as a witness and all there was was the unbroken source, the
place between birth and death, beyond time but always here as the ground upon which all life springs out of potentiality into reality. 

All there was...   is...  the unborn/undying permanence and eternal presence of The Divine.  Nothing can be written or said about the peak moment, set like a jewel sparkling ineffibley within it's own regal effulgence.  This was direct contact with the Godhead and willing surrender of myself.  Frankly, it was easy to sacrifice my ego, as it seemed now so unreal.  Less than a dream bubble.  "Pop".  As naught else existed, save the force drawing me into sheer oblivion (as it is everything all at once and no-thing, simultaneously), the little I that had been my notion of self for nearly 62 years now, could do nothing but freeze into a complete stasis.  Everything was so translucent and formless, that it became impossible to look at anything in particular.  Even the rapid beating of my heart had gone from nearly deafening, to oddly distant.  I was simply a floating luminance, a formless pulsing point of energy, one wholly united with an infinite field of symmetrical points.  Like a star lost in a nebulous sea of an unlimited expanse of an infinity of symbiotic starseeds.  OMG...  coming back was quite extraordinary and most euphoric."   
_/|\_ _/|\_

I never wrote an eighth voyage trip report, for a number of reasons.  Primarily, and I sense that a lot of folks here have had a very similar quandary...  there are just no feasible words that properly encapsulate the experience.  Reaching to touch the face of Brahman and then...  being surprised that it is one's own face, but before the soul reaches God-realization...   it explodes into formlessness, wholly erased within the roaring, absolute silence! 

My eighth immersion was an epic 5-MeO fusion of the finite self within the unlimited web of the infinite, the Omniself reawakening. A dissolution of my dream identity and an experience of always having been undifferentiated conscious-awareness.   The Alpha and the Omega undivided forevermore, yet paradoxically, rebirthed anew within this present now, as the cosmic dance whirls on and on...  and on.  So, how does one travel as an individual soul, deeply into the blinding whiteness of the nondual state and encapsulate the spirit journey in mortal wording? 

Language itself is perhaps the most dualistic phenomenon in human behavior.  It deals with symbols which are representative of the kind of reality in which things exist appart from one another, co-existing as a cohesive whole.  But how does one capture the indivisible?  At least, conceptually and linguistically.  So when the subject/object dichotomy vanishes, or rather, dissolves back into the source of all being...  there becomes this enormous task of talking about the non-dual state, The Godhead, from the dream of dualism.  It cannot really be done in a literal sense.  At least not enough, eh?

That being said, today is the day following my ninth immersion and I thought I might share of my musings and observations from the previous soul flight, number 8 in a carefully measured series of rituals.  I had put into words various fragments and ideas but was unable to fashion them into an interesting thread to read.  Perhaps I might just cut and paste them herein?  As a caveat, it must be strongly noted that nothing at all can be spoken of during full eclipsing mode.  From the state of full unification, there is no mortal self to bear witness to anything at all.  This dream bubble of a solid self is popped effortlessly and within the roaring silence of eternity...  who then is there to bear witness or try to speak at all? 

Still, upon approaching seamless union and the eventual return to perceptual cognizance, much can be recalled.  I consider the recollections to be shards of some immeasurable crystalline design.  Sparks from an eternal flame, which burns so bright as to blind the mortal entity and rob it if it's fixed identity. Ultimately, I humbly feel that hints and tidbits of remembrance can effectively be culled and recorded, pre and post-peaking only.  So, here are a few odd pieces of a worded collage of sorts, jotted down following my 8th journey with this most sacred of molecules.  I had intended on weaving an elaborate verbal tapestry in honor of the anointment but then the whole Covid-19 paradigmn threw me so far off track that I never quite got around to it. 

So, I am now offering these verbal sketches as a sort of ode to the medicine.  A fragile and wholly imperfect attempt to capture the entirety of the cosmos with a glass jar.  Please pardon the irony but my aim fis ever true and my love for you all is as genuine as a baby's first inhalation.  Without further adieu, here are a few scraps of insight and epiphany that I'd sincerely wish to share.  Perhaps in hopes of mapping out a wee bit more of this immense, overwhelmingly powerful catalyst into Infinity.

The first snippet:  Kundalini, spontaneous Mudras and the cascading flow of Amrita.

"Good evening, folks.  I wanted to discuss some off the impressions I have observed just prior to peaking and post peaking, during my solo ceremonies with this powerful sacrement.  There have been several repeated phenomena which occurred during all of my eight journeys with 5-MeO.  Of course, during the full immersion...  one dissolves wholly into the blinding neon whiteness.  There ceases to be any difference between the inside and the outside, self and other, light and darkness.  All thoughts cease to arise as one's very self, likewise, ceases to maintain any iota of corporeal reality.

Deep within what I call, "the eclipsing", there is naught but undifferentiated formlessness and no one to witness such a state of being/non-being.  During the full blown whiteout experience, the nondual field absorbs everything back into Source energy.  Brahman.  I can only imagine why it allows for the dream of individual self, only to shatter the illusion with such force it sends the ego into a temporary oblivion, even as it creates the potential for every possibility, form, substance and circumstance.  The greatest mystery and the closest thing I know to limitless love is this blessed experience, facilitated by this miraculous compound.  No other molecule that I've imbibed, has so much divine presence or such immense spiritual impact.

Ascending into this fulcrum of pure whiteness, I was accutely aware of Kundalini activation snaking it's way up my spinal axis.  At each chakra interphase, sweeping/flowing energy intersects at each the central point and rises in said fashion to the next higher crossroads (so to speak).  As the geyser-like force reached my heart, there was this incredible blooming sensation. The energy made my material heart feels as if it might burst!  Stroking out during a medicine journey would be so counterproductive that it hardly needs mention.  Lol.  Upwards the release arise.  I was almost choking with ecstasy as the power expanded into my throat region.  I gasped for air and then, chanted OM for what seemed an eternity.  Who was that singing?  Where did the sound begin, inside or beyond myself?

So unlike every other psychedelic substance, there was only the briefest of lingering at the Third Eye.  This has always amazed me, as so much of the art & science of meditation is focussed intently upon the Ajna chakra.  That being said, I did see such effulgence radiating from above, that it was almost too much to hold my gaze upon.  Almost, mind you.  I was wholly mesmerized by the incredible beauty and radiance shining it's white luminosity into every corner of the empty void of space.  Moments later, I felt an unfoldment at the top of my crown, partially to the rear of my head.  Some esoteric school in India refer to this a the Bindu, others do not. But the unfolding was like a large flower's petals opening further and further and further still. 

Seconds later, I conscious-awareness had arisen to what I label, the 8th chakra. It resides an arm's length above the top of the head.  It is not a part of the physical body, yet, it is rather like the puppeteer maneuvering the marionette of the individuated soul throughout it's dreaming journey. 
Beyond this level is always so difficult to describe, call it the 9th chakra or the seat upon which God takes as a manifestation within creation. There is no duality within said field of existential being.  There is this almost primordial, haunting idea/declaration/expression, "I am here...  I have now become awakened within this present moment."   Whose notion of being existent elludes me, for where there is but The One, who actually hears this message? 

Then what seems to take an eternity in the making, there is naught but an absolute quietude.  A stillness that defies any quantification.  No sonic vibrations, no pulsations of radiating holy light.  No one to witness the miracle of creation, the blinding effulgence, nor surrender to the undifferentiated glory of The Unified Field. This will always remain shrouded in complete mystery, for without the usual mental conditioning of perceiving reality as a subject-object dichotomy, oneself evaporates like so much smoke in a breeze. Only upon returning from the grand eclipsing, can the state encountered be integrated and comprehended to any degree. 

Traveling with this molecule has always included, up on my return to self, quite a bit of spontaneous hand mudras and gesturing.  Almost as if a language far more geometric than verbal, flows into crystallization.  Often too, I am still chanting OM and still drinking in the nectar of Amrita, which pours from above into the chalice of my mind's heart. It overflows into every cell of my corporeal, physical body.  Fine tuning one's auric body and healing the bio-organism which gently holds my soul with the confines of the time-space-continuum.  Cascading down upon my thirsty soul like the blissful waters of eternity.  It pours outwards through my tear ducts and inside of my head, it drips sweetly from high up within my nasal cavity.  It's nectarine taste is immortality itself. Truly, I humbly feel that such miracles are the finest blessings gifted from the Source." 
_/|\_ _/|\_

While I (whoever that is) have had white light and void experiences with LSD, mushrooms and DMT...   nothing truly compares to the power, immensity and limitless expansion of 5-MeO-DMT.  I actually thought I had died during my first breakthrough.  Interphase is seamless.  Self Is wholly shattered to infinitesimal particles of rapidly dissolving dream dust.  The peak is so far beyond words...  that nothing can be feasibly said to encapsulate the transcendent experience.  I wholeheartedly recommend this medicine.  It reveals Sat Chit Ananda in most the direct way.  Namaskar.   _/|\_ _/|\_

Greetings and welcome to The 5 Hive.   _/|\_ _/|\_

Like yourself, I began my journey of spiritual remembrance doing sober sitting meditation.  Of course, I was just 15 and wouldn't have started the practice, had it not been for my involvement with traditional Korean martial arts.  Despite my slow acclamation with the method of meditation taught by my master(essentially Zazen), my experience of the Void was merely conceptual.  My mind had never been close to empty nor my awareness wholly single-pointed.  Fast forward to art school and my involvement with LSD-25...  my mind was totally blown away!

While my interest in meditation deepened, I was drawn more and more towards yogic methods, as so many of my experiences paralleled the path of the Nath tradition, which let me to SRF and the teachings of Yogananda.  I had Kundalini activation before I had even read or heard about it, triggered by large doses of acid.  My absorption into the Clear Light of The Void changed my life path and my goals, as a human being. 

Over the decades, I shifted my preference to natural medicines, especially mushrooms.  That said, in the early 1990s I reacquainted myself with clean LSD and I pretty much did as much of it as I could balance with my day-to-day life.  For nearly 18 years I abstained from all entheogens, except for cannabis.  Out of the blue, a good friend of mine insisted that I experience NN-DMT at least once.  OMG!!!  I was wholly shattered to infinitesimal bits of cosmic dust. 

My inaugural voyage with 5-MeO-DMT was the culmination of my entire spiritual journey into clear remembrance.  It is the pinnacle of entheogenic traveling.  You will find it an experience far beyond the beyondest of beyonds.  God speed, my friend.   <3 <3


Greetings all and Happy Holidays!  I wanted to share a wee bit about my last two journeys with this sacred molecule.  So much of the intensity, immense expansion and mind shattering force are by far, so beyond words that it is ridiculous to attempt to properly describe the experience.  Even so, there is much to learn and some epiphanies worth sharing.  From my own small view of things, this sacrement both shatters the self one has become accustomed to perceive consensus reality with...  and wholly rebirths said "self".  I've felt for some time now that our sentient selves are lens which look at existence from many, many vantage points. Much like facets of the very same jewel.

Each voyage has been preceded by the usual preflight jitters.  After all, when greeting Infinity face to face, who isn't rather intimidated?  Even so, I always approach the eclipsing with reverence and humility.  No one who has even had the anointment with 5 can say with any degree of honesty that they weren't concerned that yes...  you've finally gone waaaaaaay too far this time and now it's time to physically die.  Oh fuck...  of course, this would be counterproductive.  But without the urgency one feels at such moments, 100% surrender is quite difficult for the human ego and letting go completely, an obstacle.

What has become very clear to me is that there are specific stages that such exalted levels of conscious-awareness move through, manifesting as clearly defined parameters of expansion and self dissolution.  Well, at least until one enters the bright whiteness of undifferentiated being and so, loses consciousness of being a soul reincarnated within a mortal body, instinctively living within a dualistic paradigmn.  Loses the mirrored reflection, the I-me-mine mesmerism of separation which fragments the Absolute into myriad refractions of ever-changing duality, dreamscapes of self-illusion.  From all that I've witnessed since my inaugural voyage, there is an incredible loop of attention, which travels through each soul in most unique ways.  For myself, whoever I dream myself to be in this material lifetime, the energy rapidly arises, so powerfully that all one can do is release oneself into the magnificent bloom. 

I cannot say with any degree of rational certainty, nor any modicum of quantifiable assurance, that my experiences resemble those of other fellow Hive members.  But my travels are very, very Yogic in nature.  One of the primary impressions is the explossive rise of kundalini, the serpent energy.  I feel/sense/hear/experience and actually see the vertical ascension.  The force goes so quickly up the spinal column to the appex of the crown region and then, far above and beyond this point, that there is little time to observe the shift in attention, before going into a glorious whiteout experience.  The effect is that of stopping the mind, dissolving the definitions and boundaries of one's isolated self reflection...  that no words can adequately convey the terror, ecstasy and unbound love which occur at the peak moment.  It would be foolish and in vain to bother putting to verse the beatific point wherein oneself merges into the limitlessness and immeasurable effulgence of Brahman.   _/|\_

Of course, as with every entheogen humankind has journeyed with, there are hints.  There are impressions and epiphanies which linger in our mind's heart, suggesting that our very source is also our very own innate core and epicentrical being.  Unlike many current psychonauts, I do not disdain the notion of "God" or feel awkward about discovering that I am one with the entirety of the universe unfolding.  I am frankly, overjoyed that my perspective has transformed from worshipping an unseen Divine being, to understanding something of the most sacred realms present always, although rarely glimpsed with mortal eyes.  The unified field of undifferentiated spirit is within everything.  It manifests itself as everything, yet, remains unbound and indivisible in it's (our) unborn & undying glory.  Each waving field of particles embodies this force.  Each bird sings homage to this eternal song.

Along the way towards such immersion, there are a symphony of sonic oscillations, waves of vibration and pulsations of blinding white light.  While the fractals are subtle, the power and energy that this sacred medicine bestows is far more precious than any kaleidoscopic, fractal geometry which entertains our mind's eye.  Sonic oscillations ring out beyond the realm of material, earthly life.  The voice of the One can be heard in sheerest omniscience.  Ultimately, the mind stops as the ego dissolves.  Perception becomes meaningless and one is exploded into an eternal quietude. 

That being said, I feel that I have experienced insights shortly prior to and immediately post peaking, all of this incredible information is available.  Patterns of raw energy and cosmic melodies combine to weave intricate mandala-esque, sacred geometric designs as pure energy.  Purest, quintessential being reveals itself as the light of infinity and more so, makes itself awake and aware within the soul of the limitations of individual human mind. I often find myself bowed down in the Ardha Kurmasana (half tortoise pose), wholly humbled and surrendered to what is by any standard of belief, Supreme.  For one who is shattered and in turn, reborn in sheerest awe by this miracle of existence, awakens to a spiritual remembrance that predates anything else.  I am reminded of the Biblical plight of Moses, overwhelmed by his experience.  He fell in humble reverence and sheer terror, bowing prostrate before the illumination of the Burning Bush, that he trembled and surrendered himself wholly.   _/|\_

Granted, at the appex of the anointment, there is technically no one present to witness anything at all.  Many folks go straight into whiteout and return awestruck but without any recollection of the peak moment.  They know to the depth of their being that something truly immense has occurred but fail to recall anything save a totally white, blank canvas.  Perhaps this is so because said fellows have not been trained in deep meditation?  I often wonder.  But meditation incrementally hones the focus and deepens one's attention.  Life can be fully experienced without any thoughts at all.  If enough practice is done, I feel that the voyager can stay conscious, or perhaps better to say, "supra-conscious" as Sri Aurobindo used to call this point of focus? 

Anyway, my intention is to clarify the impressions that this molecule infuses within my mind's heart.  I am thrown into such an intense vortex of Divine presence that I am wholly undone, scattered into so much cosmic dust and then, reborn anew to a prayer to become a better person.  Radiating far greater empathy, compassion and loving service towards a seamless, symbiotic unity with all life, shining clearly within all thoughts, what is said and done.  I sincerely thank you all for being here now, sharing this beautiful and terrifying reawakening.  May the Omniversal pulse dawn within each beating heart.   <3

Introductions/Newbies / Re: Preparing for my first experience
« on: November 17, 2019, 09:23:28 PM »
Hello you beautiful beings of light, my name is Gunnar. I’m interested in psychedelics and have finally convinced myself to take the plunge with 5-MeO. I’m here for your guidance and knowledge :)

Well...  you can't really be adequately prepared for such an immense shift in conscious-awareness.  There are some essentials which greatly help like: deep meditation, yoga, tantra, pranayama, taijiquan or qigong...  but when you touch the infinite, one must simply be ready to surrender to the force.  No words can really carry enough knowledge or provide any clear cut, cohesive guidance. 

Follow your intuition and listen to your own heart.  Look unswervingly for the blinding light of the Absolute within yourself.  Before you are truly ready, the divine 5 sacrement devours you within an undifferentiated singularity.  To die is to be reborn anew, with new eyes and far greater attunement.  Travel wisely, with much respect and an unwaivering faith.  Love is the Buzz.  <3

5-MeO-DMT Experiences and Testimonials / Re: The Fifth Time is The Charm.
« on: September 26, 2019, 09:17:56 PM »
Many thanks for the nod!  I send very sincere prahnams and offer a very deep bow to you, HumbleVoyager.  There are a number of repeating phenomena that I have experienced with the molecule.  Kundalini activation, spontaneous mudras, astral travel, high frequency light transmissions, symphonies of hyper-dimensional sounds and tonal waves, immeasurable energy pulsations, conscious whiteout, nondual ecstasy, sheer ego-death & rebirth, stillness, breathlessness and the immersion of deep Samadhi states.  Then the divine pause of no mind, the blinding emptiness of Sunyata, the undifferentiated quintessence of Nirvana. The full bloom of the Godhead.  Aham Brahmasmi.  But I am still just learning how to fully surrender to the medicine.   _/|\_ _/|\_

5-MeO-DMT Experiences and Testimonials / Re: The Fifth Time is The Charm.
« on: September 24, 2019, 08:32:53 PM »
Ever since my inaugural voyage with 5-MeO-DMT, I have been uncharacteristically, somewhat at a loss for words.  Sure, I express my impressions and experiences ad nauseam...   but many of the highlights and finer details evade proper quantification.  I've jotted down hand-written notes, lo these 5 journeys, and a few things are consistently present during my solo voyages.  I stand at the precipice of my sixth anointment and understandably, I have had the ole pre-flight jitters, all over again.  I suspect it would be madness to be completely without any trepidations?   >:D

Within each encounter with 5, it was clear that repeatable phenomena were occurring.  A defined pattern and a sort of navigational map were coalescing with each deep journey unfolding.  As I thumb through pieces of paper, describing experiences I'd had with the sacrement, it became more and more clear that there was a period just prior to peaking and another, just post the peaking state, in which tremendous things reveal themselves. 

Within these two windows, a wealth of significant observance can occur to the witness.  Admittedly, once the ego dissolves into the blinding, effulgent abyss of sheerest oblivion...  who witnesses what, when conscious-awareness blooms into full immersion into the white light...  as the undifferentiated sea of love washes forevermore upon the shores of eternity?   _/|\_ _/|\_

5-MeO-DMT Experiences and Testimonials / Re: The Fifth Time is The Charm.
« on: September 21, 2019, 12:06:29 AM »
I offer my sincere apologies, my fellows, for such a vague post.  I was intending to report my fifth 5 experience in some detail.  That said, even as I typed my words...  I had a reactivation.  My mind froze in awe of the Absolute and in so doing/undoing, I lost my ability to relate cohesively, what my journey had been.  It took some time to ground myself and begin to integrate the immense shift in attention.  I'd like to continue now, as I've woven a number of the impressions and sensations into a slightly clear vocabulary.  At least, that is my sincere aim.

At the onset of my voyage, I set adjective pre-flight jitters and centered my conscious-awareness upon the direct pathway to knowledge, freedom and serenity.  Within 3 minutes of inhalation, nothing I conceived of or believed in, even existed anymore!  11mg is the highest dose I've experienced, so far.  I truly approached full blown whiteout...  yet, remained cognizant of existing.  There persisted an awareness of holding my being in two places at the same moment and this understanding began to dominate my rapt attention.

I was the intrepid voyager.  The seeker of the ultimate reality, one which shines in divine harmony.  Yet, I had no true form, no limitations, no mortality and was wholly substanceless.  I was both the awakening child and the empty void in nondual resplendence.  Each heart beat chanted a paradoxical little algorithm, a silly little point and counterpoint echoed for just few minutes time, "I am."  "Or am I?"  "I am."  "Am I really?"  "Yes I am."  "Who am I?"  "Me."  "Who is me?"  Then everything melted away and a deep quiet dominated my perception.  The whiteness was overwhelming but euphoric.  For myself, there has always been a twin effect from the medicine.  I find my awareness centered upon both macrocosmic and microcosmic phenomena.  I live as an independent individual and an indivisible force, a divine manifestation of sheerest Omniscience. 

As the energy rose and expanded, all thought was silenced completely.  The irresistible force that had so radically shifted my attention from the relative world of personal subjectification, had dissolved into a bright, undifferentiated field of being.  Individual self orientation was superseded by a more holistic, universal view into the living pulse of existential presence. There is a place we each share as human beings.  A state of consciousness in which my deepest core is also your deepest core and everyone's deepest core.  The 5 sacrement gives this vision and healing to any who would willingly receive it. 

I'll have to add the caveat that discussing the nondual eclipsing encountered from 5 or Toad, exists deep within and far from our "normal" experiential modality and as such, cannot be understood through our ordinary mindset.  This is perhaps why I so enthusiastically endorse sitting or moving meditation.  Although, even a lifetime of internal cultivation and mindfulness...  cannot control the force of the God Molecule as it shoots you into Infinity.  Surrender to the immense force is so vitally key.  Our deconstruction is an opportunity to ascend into uber subtle states of existential being.  The holiest of Gifts!   _/|\_ _/|\_

5-MeO-DMT Experiences and Testimonials / The Fifth Time is The Charm.
« on: September 19, 2019, 01:54:41 AM »
It's been exactly one month since my fifth intrepid journey with the holy 5 sacrament.  Honestly, it's taken that long to even partiality integrate the insights and revelations that washed over me until whoever I dream myself to be, had fully surrendered to the immense waving force washing me into oblivion. 

Just prior to this most recent nondual voyage, I had kind of developed a pre flight jitters to self-obliteration, creating a passing hesitancy of sorts...  transcended by that perceptual shift towards stepping further and further beyond all one's self orientation, to fearlessly dwelve even deeper into the very core essence of the one true source energy, highlighted perfectly within and without any and all strata of being.  Light seeds have opened and bloom wonderfully.  Sacred geometry has revealed Itself anew and it's all good.   _/|\_ _/|\_ _/|\_

Just reading this trip report makes my heart smile a mile wide.   <3 <3

Introductions/Newbies / Re: Oppurtunity
« on: August 27, 2019, 11:23:02 PM »
Let's do a little mathematics here.  The toads are wild and free.  Is there any doubt about this pressumed assumption?  They are innocent and true earthen wildllings.  Some "shamans" milk them (leaving them spent and defenseless) and then charge $250.00 a head for a deep, life shattering toke...  but what about these lovely toadlings...   yeah, it just bothers me.  Peace. 

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