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Messages - SeekingEnlightenment

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1
HV,


I appreciate your response!



I get a bit of cardio in regularly, but it's been a good while since I've done yoga. I will try that. And I will add in some walking and organizing the garage, which also give my body some of the work it probably needs right now.


My sleep seems to be beginning to normalize. Last night was the best night's sleep I've had in a while.


I will check out the thread and keep track of everything. It's definitely good to know I'm not alone in all of this.  :)


Thank you, HumbleVoyager!


SE

2

Hello Toad Sisters and Brothers!

I just introduced myself here:https://forums.5meodmt.org/index.php?topic=51006.0

I could really use the insight and wisdom of others more experienced than I.

Just over a week ago I had my first complete 5-MeO experience, after a partial experience last spring. The earlier experience was 100% positive--all love/joy, and no side effects. So there was no way I could anticipate my second experience, which was more complete, and yet also so much more difficult--especially in the extended physical side effects.

I experienced ego dissolution, infinite awareness, a state beyond bliss. For 15 minutes. And then I experienced an incredibly jarring re-entry into bodily awareness. Intense over-stimulation. Wild involuntary movements. Confusion and terror. That only lasted 20 minutes.

But the after-effects keep going and going. No sleep for 36 hours. Disturbed and confused sleep most nights since. Periods of intense physical over-stimulation where my heart will pound hard. My dosage was in the middle of the "strong" range (15 mg), but I have reason to believe I am extra sensitive to 5-MeO. (My previous experience was at a dosage no one else in the group responded to, but I had a profound experience on it.) Also, I reportedly held my breath longer than most do. The dose I got was without question too high for me.


I have experienced God, from the inside. The experience was beyond what I could have hoped. And yet, now, I'm frightened about how long it will take my body to readjust and normalize. The sleep deprivation causes all kinds of problems of its own. The trend is toward improvement. But it's a slow and irregular trend.


I don't know what's happening, for how long, or what to do about it.


I want to integrate the beautiful realizations I've had into my life, but much of my attention seems to be taken up by dealing with the upending of my ordinary life by all the wild physical after-effects.


How long might I expect the physical after-shocks to continue? And what can I do to return my body to normalcy, calm it down, and get some good sleep...?


I know sleep problems are not uncommon, and I'm sure much of this sounds familiar to a number of others. I could sure use the wisdom of your experience.


SE

3
Introductions/Newbies / Re: Former Mormon - Love Remains
« on: January 09, 2020, 08:42:49 PM »
Welcome!


You and I come from the same religious background!


So glad your quest continues in a positive way.


SE

4
Introductions/Newbies / Re: Preparing for my first experience
« on: January 09, 2020, 08:40:46 PM »
Congrats on your pending experience, Gunnar. You may well be in for the most beautiful experience of your life! :)


I prepared for my first experience by doing loving-kindness meditation, and that was just right. I even continued some of the loving-kindness meditation at the tail end of the experience. It was beautiful and perfect.


Based on my experience, I would recommend starting on the lower end of the dosing range, so you can figure out your level of sensitivity to 5-MeO.


SE

5

I am a spiritual explorer who studies religion and practices daily meditation--especially loving kindness. I am reading in nondual consciousness teachings and doing meditation to bring the awareness I had during my 5-MeO journeys into daily life.


My experiences with 5-MeO have shown me what life is all about--love, and who I really am as a being--infinite consciousness. I'm trying to live in light of those experiences--I know I will be forever changed spiritually, and that's what I want. Yet, physically, I am struggling. I'll tell you my experiences and perhaps others here can relate and help me understand how to keep integrating spiritually and normalize my experience of my body again.


In May I had my first experience with 5-MeO. The proportion of 5-MeO must have been off in our Bufo venom: no one else in the group had more than a strong body buzz. I had much more than that. I laughed and cried and basked in boundless love. Though I never lost awareness of being in my body in that room, it was the most beautiful experience of my life!


I'd never been so happy or felt so much love. And that's how I realized that the greatest happiness in life is love--that loving is the path to happiness.


I began applying this life lesson and for a few months afterward I was full of energy, and my loving kindness meditation reach new heights. I only fell off that high plateau when I hit a long period of infections and emotional side effects of medication.


Just over a week ago I decided to try again, with a synthetic and a higher dose. A friend gave me 15 mg, telling me it was a "low average" dose. I held my breath extra long, from what he described, and then...I was gone! I experienced the utter annihilation of my ego, a boundless, infinite consciousness--being God. I was gone for like 15 minutes.


Coming back was jarring. I had moments of bliss, but mostly intense overstimulation in my body, nausea, anxiety, involuntary jerky movements (flailing my arms), nonsense sounds coming from my mouth.


That night I couldn't sleep--not till the next night. And then my sleep was some of the most confused and disturbed of my life. Every night except one, a couple nights ago, I'm waking during the night anxious, and usually not sleeping very long. During the day I have intermittent periods of anxiety, over-stimulation, and dry mouth. It is intense enough and unpredictable enough to be a little crazy-making.


I am apparently sensitive to this chemical ( - when others in my group had no significant experience last spring, I had the most profound of my life). The dose I was given was not as low as my friend thought it was, of course. And it seems to have been way too high for me.


I'm worried about how long it's going to take for my bodily experience to normalize again. The sleep deprivation is really affecting me. After my beautiful first experience with no side effects, the intense and extended side effects this time have blind-sided me.


I don't know how to reduce the over-stimulation in my body. It has definitely decreased over the past week, but only slowwwly and irregularly. And I don't know how to sleep normally again.


My two experiences with 5-MeO are absolutely unparalleled in my life. I want to carry the awareness of boundless awareness into my moment-by-moment life and live in light of who, or what, I really am. It will be months before I would try 5-MeO again, and then I am planning on trying maybe 3 mg.


I want to know how to integrate this experience more fully into my life. And I could really use insight on how long the physical after-shocks might continue, and how best to calm them and go on with ordinarily physical life (like sleep!).


SE




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