Author Topic: My experience with toad.  (Read 494 times)

Offline Zero

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My experience with toad.
« on: June 15, 2017, 01:35:35 PM »
Hi everybody. I am posting my experience from a year ago. It has profoundly affected my being and even now a year after the effects are still felt quite intensely. For me toad is a gatekeeper. I feel is it our destiny to wake up one day from ourselves, and toad can do that, just like other gatekeepers around. When it is your time it will happen. It takes courage but if you can master it, prepare well, and jump. Go all the way. Good luck.

The shaman offers me the pipe,

I empty my lungs and then go all the way, filling up. Within seconds a curtain closes around my vision, all is black.
I am gone, no perception, nothing.

Suddenly I awake, but no longer in my body, I no longer have a body. I am in another world. I can think, see, hear, and feel. I am all senses. I see what is in front of me. AND THEN I KNOW.

 I am in the holy place, the eternal empty place stretched out in front of me, without boundaries, in pure light and many colors, not able to describe.
 I instantly know that this is THE PLACE of legends, of books, the goal of all searches.
This is the goal, the moment.  This is the highest. I see a center in this place.
The center of it all, the orb, a circle, a dot. I am watching the source of all existence.

My thoughts race, my senses go wild. I scream. THIS IS IT. I AM EXPERIENCING THE ULTIMATE TRIP.
This is the moment. I feel intense bliss for experiencing this, honored to experience a place so holy. I know what is coming….
I am ready, I will not disappoint. This is the moment I have been living for. Let it come.

In the center of my vision, the center of eternity I see a dot, a sphere, pulsating sphere of light. It is the center of it all. It is: THE ONE
Bit a bit and at an ever increasing speed my field of experience starts to become smaller.
I know the one is coming, revealing itself to me. I know what has to be done. I know my end is coming.
Smaller and smaller becomes my awareness of the endless space around me, faster and faster and louder and louder, brighter and brighter all becomes.

I start screaming. Not in fear, not in anger. The primal scream of full intention. The deafening scream with all my power. LET IT COME
I scream to my brothers and sisters that I cannot see, but I feel I am not alone in this.
 Someone is watching. “Brothers and sisters, please assist me, I am ready, I need you, I will not disappoint you. I am going all the way. Please hold me. Please.
The place becomes even smaller, more intense, and faster, the one is right in front of me.
It is moving around like a spinning coin, every turn I experience a flash of me, then a flash of the one. Its pulsating force is melting me, tearing me apart.
 I lose my future, my past, all my descriptions… Nothing to focus on.

I scream like I never screamed before, my brothers are holding me. I am not afraid. I am totally in the experience with every fiber of my conscience.
I am taking the leap…..

I scream to them, in the final moments of my existence. Thank you, I am dying, I am dying FOR you, BROTHERS AND SISTERS. HERE I COME.
I AM DYING FOR YOU, the loudest scream ever, every fiber of my being is here. I am 100% in this, no holding back.

A roaring force takes over my entire field of perception. I feel like expanding into everything, a full body orgasm ripping me into eternity.
 In my head I can only say: this is madness. Feeling everything at once.
Remember my meditations, and just let it happen, let everything happen.


Suddenly stillness comes about and I look into a liquid ocean of pure gold light.
 In the middle, right in front now and in this absolute stillness, the one. Time is gone, all slows down.
 I feel a monumental force around me.
And then as easy as a drop falling, the one disappears and only the emptiness remains and then I realize who is watching, experiencing, WHO IS THIS ETERNAL EMPTINESS, holding all possibilities and form... It is me.

Oneness. Singular. Absolute. Complete. Nothing to be added. Perfect. Eternal.

It is only me now. Pure awareness. And I feel intense gratitude. All my doubts in live wiped away. I am absolutely free. Unbound.

My mind tries to describe it, but at the same time everything in me knows, it can only be lived, It can never be described. It is the unbound, undescribed state.
 
But I try nevertheless.

And only find these words: I AM
Dot

But only silence does it real justice. Emptiness, love, and silence.



« Last Edit: June 16, 2017, 09:48:04 AM by Zero »

Xzen

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Re: My experience with toad.
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2017, 10:43:13 PM »
Quote
I scream to them, in the final moments of my existence. Thank you, I am dying, I am dying FOR you, BROTHERS AND SISTERS. HERE I COME.
I AM DYING FOR YOU, the loudest scream ever, every fiber of my being is here. I am 100% in this, no holding back.

This gave me shivers ... to die not just for self, but for all ... & now that death is no more a stranger, may we LIVE with such commitment & love.


Quote
But only silence does it real justice. Emptiness, love, and silence.

Yes .. the more I imbibe, the less I have to say. There is such beauty in this state.


A warm welcome to you, & my gratitude for your offering.

~*~
Xzen

Offline Zero

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Re: My experience with toad.
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2017, 09:56:14 AM »
Thank you.

The "dying for you" part has puzzled me ever since. As if in accepting what was happening at that very moment, i felt like releasing a ton of karma, freeing not only me, but also unloading universal tensions... I guess accepting to step fully into the light, you become a lightworker, acting as a lightning rod, no longer loading up on pain and illusions with the rest of the word, thus allowing forces to equalise trough you... (or something like that, hard to put into words)

This stepping into the light is actually happening every single moment.
« Last Edit: June 16, 2017, 09:58:28 AM by Zero »