Author Topic: Infinity then difficult return then beauty  (Read 132 times)

Offline MagicMexico

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Infinity then difficult return then beauty
« on: October 27, 2018, 05:33:45 PM »
I had decided that I would like to take a release dose of 5-meo this afternoon. As my preferred ROA is plugging, I had prepared 10mg of the hydrochloride in 1ml of water in a syringe. From experience, the plugged dose is considerably stronger than the vaped dose so maybe equivalent to 16-20mg of the freebase smoked.

Unfortunately the neighbors had chosen this afternoon for a big party with lots of music. I also have a small guesthouse next door so I was aware that noise could be a problem for guests. At 4pm, as the music wasn't too loud, I decided to go ahead with the experience. I administered the milliliter of solution and started feeling the initial effects after a couple of minutes, a bit earlier than I would normally have expected which forewarned me it was going to be strong. I lay on the bed and over the next three minutes felt it envelope everything that ever existed. I felt odd moments of resistance, then submission, then resistance, then submission, then total death into the eternal, no words to describe, not even consciousness or love or being, beyond all and everything, infinity.

At some point, although time didn't really come into this, a glimmer of recognition of something began to appear, something that wasn't this infinity. It felt uncomfortable and the recognition progressed to the fact that there was a body of light in the center of this all, then the body took on sensation and the impact of the surroundings started to take on form. I opened my eyes and saw the fan turning on the ceiling and my ears atuned to music from the neighbor's party. It was now at double the volume and I was suddenly filled with concern for the effect this would be having on my guests. There was no way I could move or do anything about it. I watched the minutes go by feeling pretty uncomfortable and out of it. When I felt capable I went to the bathroom and took a quick shower and drank a few sips of water. I knew it would be a while before I could talk to anyone.

But this is where the true gift of the experience occurred. I saw that all the strife that I was feeling was because of my fear of what could happen. Then as I focussed on this the words formed "there is no one here to be harmed". I repeated them time and again "there is no one here", "there is no one here to be harmed". An astounding weight lifted from me. This wasn't just the problem of the loud music, it was everything in life. A life spent trying to protect something that in fact never existed. A sort of a joke. In fact it opened the floodgates to what I can only call vulnerability, a beautiful vulnerability to everything that was previously a threat but was now just the aliveness of the moment.

I still need to process all this but I really wanted to write something down now and share.
 
« Last Edit: November 08, 2018, 06:48:39 PM by MagicMexico »

Offline HumbleVoyager

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Re: Infinity then difficult return then beauty
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2018, 10:29:02 AM »
This is incredibly beautiful. Thank you for sharing this experience with us! I'm going to move it to our synthetic 5 trip reports section for further discussion :) <3