Author Topic: My Non-Dual Experience  (Read 330 times)

Offline Curador

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My Non-Dual Experience
« on: May 28, 2019, 07:43:03 AM »
     5MeO-DMT helped me have the most sublime human experience I’ve encountered up to this moment.                        THIS IS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT OR SUGGESTION TO DO IT !!                                                                                                       
     The following is only my experience.For more than a year my journey through life has been in a pursuit to realize healing from a tragedy no parent should have to endure.

     My desire was to experience the sacred in such a way that would restore my faith in life and inspire me to keep living it happily. When I started, a little over a year ago, I didn’t know smoking the crystallized venom of an animal was even a thing, let alone might produce a difference of point of view that would forever change the way I think and feel about and navigate my life.                           

   That said, it was such a short experience, a very big one but lasting only 10 minutes.  Add another 10 minutes for gently reintegrating into my body and enjoying the sensation makes it 20 minutes total.      I did exactly as my guide told me to do.  He explained for some time what I might expect, how he might help if things got too intense and even how to draw the smoke from the water pipe given his years personal experience and of tending others.  He told me to do nothing if I encountered anything, to just let it happen and be as still and relaxed and open as I can. 
     As I inhaled all I could hold of the smoke from the pipe I released the pipe into his hands and deliberately lay my head back on the pillow at the end of the mat.  As soon as I did a massive sensation of the deepest relaxation I’ve ever felt came over me. My body exhaled and sighed as it was too much effort to hold the breathe any longer.  The sense of me or I fell away.
     A humming sound or sensation, not loud or soft, was present and there was an awareness of geometric shapes and lines whisking past the mind’s eye as if being sucked into a tunnel and picking up speed. There may have been a slight sense of fear but from that moment in memory there was only becoming aware of being in a place of absolutely pure, brilliant white.

I can’t say it was light, but I’ll call it that, since there seemed to be no origin or point of beginning or direction or end. It was all around and the point of reference was from something like within.  There was nothing, no feelings, no thoughts, no sound, anything, yet there was a sense of perfect contentment.

I must have been “on my way back” since I started to notice my hands and arms. I lifted them up and saw nothing more than silhouettes and now my eyes are feeling like they are wide open. As I “look” at this white I suddenly inhale as if seeing the most magnificent thing I’ve ever gazed upon. In my periphery my hands looked abnormal like they had fewer fingers and they were longer. I made no effort to look closer but continued to gaze at then center. The sensation seemed like awe. You could say I gasped but softer and slower with wonder and surprise. The kind of wonder a child would have opening a present never imagined receiving but being so grateful upon opening it you could see that this was an experience of a new sense of joy, deeper than anything the child had ever felt before.

Gratitude and joy were all that existed. As I perceived my hands which didn’t feel like my hands but I felt a part of them surrounded an orb of light hardly distinguishable by an almost imperceptible line defining the orb. It was like  balancing the orb in the middle of the hands.  As I moved them  like a movement in tai chi I inhaled in wonder again as if I just became aware that this was the universe or earth.  It is all light and it is being loved on and held in this space of love since it is love, beyond understanding, that causes this phenomenon to occur and be sustained.  That was my sense of understanding.

Nothing mattered, Yet it is all loved, Beyond understanding, Which makes it all possible and acceptable.

I was in this state of bliss for the remainder of my time. I felt nothing but infinite joy and gratitude then love moved through me causing my body to weep gently as I continued to stay with this light as long as I could.  The moment I noticed being hooked by any emotion or thought I would simply and gently bring my awareness back to the light again and would feel or notice the blissful state.  I was calm and happy.

I became aware of my guide and feeling so moved I reached for his hand in a gesture of thanks. I gently squeezed his hand, belly giggled, held it long enough for him to know that all was well and released it placing my arm back on the floor with my palms up.  He had been quietly at my side the entire time. A perfect shepherd. I felt profound love and appreciation for him. Shortly after, I sensed him move on to the kitchen. He knew I was safe and started to prepare our meal.

I was experiencing the greatest sense of ecstasy my body could tolerate and wept gently all the while keeping my focus in the white.  My thoughts were few and I found my self just noticing and appreciating.  My breathe was relaxed and deep. I felt bliss beyond anything I have experienced prior. .

There were no entities, there was no thought and as for emotional states what I think I was experiencing was the awareness of these but not getting attached to anything. This was glory, this was beauty and the essence I sensed was that ‘this is life and it is on purpose and that is all it needs to be’.  It was the simplest of ideas that life itself is the only purpose.

I thought, this must be heaven and wished it could last but I knew I was re-entering the normal state of being,  I gently touched my face with my fingers. They were cool and when I did I had the sense that I was alive and felt a new sense of gratitude for my own life. It was invigorating and I felt more alive.
Again, gratitude. Again, joy.  I belly laughed from deep within. As I write this it makes me smile and chuckle.
I’m happy to believe that what I experienced might be what it’s like after this body breathes no more.

I think I got what I wanted and then some.  (Big Smile and Chuckle)


It was the most beautiful experience I’ve ever had so far in this body.

Disclaimer:  5MeO-DMT is not for everyone and my experience may not be typical!

This is not like my mushroom or ayahuasca experiences. I’d not been able to reach a point of “separation” from the ego in those experiences. They come on slower and, for me, there has always been a point of reference from my ego going deeper, then resistance.
In this experience the opposite seemed true.  When I fully inhaled there was no turning back in any way.  Once I felt it come on there was no time for bargaining.  I was gone.
I guess you could liken it to hiking up a mountain and summiting after the climb (ingesting ayahuasca or mushrooms).
This was like being flown to the summit blindfolded first and then becoming aware when at the summit. Then, it was a matter of riding the descent smoothly. That’s kind of what it was like for me anyway. 
I also think my experience was as a result of 22 years of practicing letting go of my ego, meditation practice, emotional cathartic work, ordeal processes, sensory deprivation work, some decent awareness of eastern thought and belief and practice and more than a few psychedelic experiences which have been intentional. That stated, I might have just been lucky.
But!! Maybe most important was my guide. I cannot say enough about his expertise and love really...and thoughtfulness.  I think he would do it for free if he didn’t have expenses and now I know why. My God, if I had only known earlier in my life this kind of experience were possible…
I am positive that his long personal experience with this substance and his experience guiding others is the other main reason I had this type of experience. From vetting appropriate clients (this method is not for everyone) to preparation as to set and setting, then amount to use and delivery system all helped make this experience possible.
If you do decide this is for you please invest the time in researching about it and a guide. 

Added June 6.  Dosage...I was asked.  50/50 Natural and Lab synth and the sheddings of the toad to act as the medium to smoke it in.  This to prevent the crystal from passing through the pipe into my throat.  appr 14mg tipping 15mg.  My guide held the flame as I held the small water pipe.  Very smooth, no bitter taste.
Long steady draw after exhaling first, filling lungs completely then holding my breath until I couldn't.

This is not an endorsement for doing this.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2019, 03:44:55 PM by Curador »

Offline Rising Spirit

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Re: My Non-Dual Experience
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2019, 11:17:33 AM »
Quote from: Curador
5MeO-DMT helped me have the most sublime human experience I’ve encountered up to this moment.  That being said, it was such a short experience, a very big one but lasting only 10 minutes.  Add another 10 minutes gently reintegrating into my body and enjoying the sensation makes it 20 minutes total.

As I inhaled all I could hold of the smoke from the pipe I released the pipe into his hands and deliberately lay my head back on the pillow at the end of the mat.  As soon as I did a massive sensation of the deepest relaxation I’ve ever felt came over me.  My body exhaled and sighed as it was too much effort to hold the breathe any longer...  The sense of me or I fell away.

A humming sound or sensation, not loud or soft, was present and there was an awareness of geometric shapes and lines whisking past the mind’s eye as if being sucked into a tunnel and picking up speed. There may have been a slight sense of fear but from that moment in memory there was only becoming aware of being in a place of absolutely pure, brilliant white.

I can’t say it was light, but I’ll call it that, since there seemed to be no origin or point of beginning or direction or end. It was all around and the point of reference was from something like within.  There was nothing, no feelings, no thoughts, no sound, anything, yet there was a sense of perfect contentment.  Nothing mattered, Yet it is all loved, Beyond understanding, Which makes it all possible and acceptable.

I was in this state of bliss for the remainder of my time. I felt nothing but infinite joy and gratitude then love moved through me causing my body to weep gently as I continued to stay with this light as long as I could.  The moment I noticed being hooked by any emotion or thought I would simply and gently bring my awareness back to the light again and would feel or notice the blissful state.  I was calm and happy.  I was experiencing the greatest sense of ecstasy my body could tolerate and wept gently all the while keeping my focus in the white.  It was the most beautiful experience I’ve ever had so far in this body.

Thank you for so elloquently sharing your experience.  How many times have you been anointed by this most sacred of molecules?  I have had just four, fully conscious whiteout experiences vaping the synthetic sacrament.  While I've been meditating for 45+ years now, in all honesty, I believe that this is the greatest gift to seekers who are earnestly exercising their attention and incrementally cultivating deeper resonance with the Source energy pulsing within each iota of manifestation of being, beating within the heart of all.  Soon I will be embarking upon my fifth voyage into the immensity and expansion, that is the nondual unification gleaned from embracing the death and ensuing re-birthing brought on from the miraculous 5-MeO-DMT.  _/|\_ _/|\_


Quote from: Curador
Disclaimer:  5MeO-DMT is not for everyone and my experience may not be typical!  This is not like my mushroom or ayahuasca experiences. I’d not been able to reach a point of “separation” from the ego in those experiences. They come on slower and, for me, there has always been a point of reference from my ego going deeper, then resistance.  In this experience the opposite seemed true.  When I fully inhaled there was no turning back in any way.  Once I felt it come on there was no time for bargaining...  I was gone

Would you please elucidate further, upon you'd own history and spiritual practices?  And I agree wholeheartedly, this medicine is not for everyone.  Do you feel that some folks ought not partake of this sacrement?  I do.  It could be devastating to some highly sensitive or mentally unstable people.  I've witnessed such problems arise with unprepared and fragile folks imbibing real LSD-25 and psilocybin mushrooms.  It can be dangerous to some potential initiates.  It can trigger a full blown kundalini activation.  That's a lot of juice to channel! 


Besides, facing death and life after life...  is something especially rarified and is often, initially terrifying.  Not everyone can surrender to the full immersion within the infinite force of the unified field of being, shattered by the indivisible vacuum of absolute zero, enigmatically abloom in a purely divine resplendense.  We awaken to know that we are that, here and now, an eternity in the making. 


Being devoured into sheer oblivion, dying as a separate fulcrum of a finite self yet blissfully, forevermore ecstatically expanding into the unbound limitlessness of the ineffible vibration, lovingly emanating from the vortex of the effulgent white light of Brahman.  Conscious-awareness without thought, dichotomy of subject & object, nor any form of self reflection.  No mind, no dreaming, no boundary to encapsulate the ego.  This nirvikalpa samadhi state brightly dawns anew as the presence of the undying spirit of the Godhead, which ignites a profound remembrance of the selfless self, the Omniself, as oneself...  our very truest self, which we each share together (an echo of the Source).  "Many are called but few are chosen."   <3 <3
« Last Edit: May 30, 2019, 12:24:42 PM by Rising Spirit »
There is no self to which I cling, for I am one with everything.

Offline Curador

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Re: My Non-Dual Experience
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2019, 11:57:52 AM »
Thank you for acknowledging it.IME=in my experience, IMO=in my opinion

 -   I am willing to see differently all I make up to be true    -
Re:  how many times

This was my first with 5MeO.  May 13, 2019 around 11:30 somewhere in Europe I intentionally experienced what I’ve been after since I was a youth.  Intentional in the sense you mean it by seeking earnestly but not having an attachment to what the experience might be like.

“Knowing” what I do now, given that it is an endogenous material it is accurate to say I’ve experienced the molecule many times, but I did not understand that’s what I was experiencing.

I’ve had an intentional mushroom experience, two three-day ceremonies with ayahuasca.  I don’t really count my recreational encounters as a teenager.

5MeO…Yes, the greatest gift…so far. 

Gift… a new perspective of that word today, but how true.

------------------------------------------------------------

Re:  this experience not being for everyone…

What I mean is not everyone could tolerate the experience and be okay afterward or even during. 
IME not everyone is open to taking something, on purpose, to simulate having an experience that is like dying or coming back from dying.   
My experience has been that the other psychedelics seemed to use my accumulation of life and my ego to help me “let go”  and trust the experience, grok what feeling Safe means and trusting Love might have my best interest at heart, so-to-speak.  Thus, teaching me to be still enough in the 5MeO experience to transcend all of that accumulation and attachment and know I’ll be ok whatever the outcome.

IMO Some will forever be addicted to the story of their lives and are unable to consider detaching from it to experience the truth of annihilation.  The thought of “you are nothing” doesn’t appeal to many.  For many, the idea of no-self isn’t tolerable in their body or their mind nor can they even imagine what that might mean.

------------------------------------------------------------
 
Re:  my “practice”

In this life my conscious path likely started at 13 when I had the notion that it was ludicrous to think that to experience “God” one had to adopt a certain one religion to have that experience and it was the only way.  It was impossible for me to adopt any dogma which would alienate anyone or anything in our perceived existence.  I’ve followed the thought: If god is available to us all, what stands in our way?  (I do not know why a 13-year-old would have such thoughts)

Today I get the intention of religion and have compassion for those having their human limited experience of it as it is currently taught.

I’ve had some type of yoga intention since I was a teen which is over 40 years.  Yoga in the classic eastern sense to create a "being" of union of body mind and soul not physical exercise as is the primary use in the west.

IMO anyone who is seeking in earnest and has some practice of ego deflation, being still, and accepting everything -- and I mean EVERYTHING as the way it is -- without judgement, emotion and thought of any kind and can practice observing might have a similar experience with this substance or any religion or "way" in its perfect intention. ***If they wanted to***

(IMO “Curly” had it right, the secret is “one thing”)

That has been my “practice” since getting sober in a personal growth seminar using similar techniques as EST, with a spiritual leaning, over 22 years ago. 

Since that time, I’ve also experienced many modalities of healing work without the use of external substances for 21 years.  I’ve had many Kundalini activations and have not formally used Kundalini but whatever intuitively seemed right for me at the time to move the energy.  I’ve not been able to have a full release using just my intention or stillness on my own.

I believe that all my experiences made possible this recent “Happening”.

All my psychedelic experiences made all religions make sense. 
My perspective on Life is forever changed.I want to be a guide for others who seek in earnest to experience it and hold space for them as was gifted to me.

Having had this type of experience I am convinced that all religions came from others having a similar experience, then the verbal sharing of the experience to friends, others wanting to have the experience and techniques developed, then rituals, then rules, then written words, then translations into other languages, then control, then exclusion, then belief, then blind faith, then confusion, then chaos, now shit.

fortunately, good shit can grow good stuff
and a weed now tended is no longer a weed
and the fungus among us seems really our friend
and who knew the toad was so holy

We live in interesting times.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2019, 12:04:50 PM by Curador »

Offline Rising Spirit

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Re: My Non-Dual Experience
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2019, 06:51:42 AM »
Quote from: Curador
So being the kind of person that likes to validate their experience I'll ask this question.  Do you think this white experience phenomenon repeatable?
In all of my experiences they seem to go deeper the more I trust the experience and feel safe and know that love is the intention.  so-to-speak.
So, in that spirit, my thought is that there is even more which makes me chuckle with nervous excitement.  I'm good for a bit since it was only weeks ago did I experience this and I continue to integrate the essence into my life.

On all four of my journeys, the fully conscious whiteout experience was wholly repeatable.  The molecule takes away my fixation of being a finite self with a defined, subjective perspective.  The pure magic of this most sacred of medicines, is that it gifts the state of mind in which no thought exists, yet awareness leftists with new parameters.  Lots of psychonaut go blank when this kind of a shift in perception blooms, leaving no memory of the peaking moments. 

Through cultivation of both concentration and meditative centering, one is able to retain a great deal of the immersion.  Obviously, when the heights of nirvikalpa samadhi open up within the fulcrum of the sahasrara chakra (7th vortexial fulcrum), all duality evaporates like morning dew under the rays of the early morning sunshine.  So, there is a void of sorts within our remembrance, naturally.

One cannot be conscious within the realm of the relative self orientation and also be conscious of being completely unified, absolute and ineffably indivisible.  This is the area in which the soul bird must surrender to the pendulum-like nature of our glimpses into "cosmic consciousness".  The ego-self does this temporary silencing, thus allowing for the limitless expansion of conscious-awareness, wherein the seeker enters into the great white void.  Self dissolves into it's own source and within the infinite field of the blinding white light, an undifferentiated bliss is known without any thought or personal referencing.

The Buddhists call this state of being, Sunyata.  And while granted, much misunderstanding has arisen since Sakyamuni Buddha spoke of such things, it becomes crystal clear when graced by the enigmatic power of 5-MeO-DMT.  It's not that there is a blank nothingness, rather, there is ONLY the presence of source, ONLY the resplendent stillness of the Omniself in it's pure state (unbroken and undivided).

Where Buddhists turn away from all notions of God or oneself...  and this is ultimately the truth, they lose the experience of being God in the process.  Yes, the mind must stop thinking and conceptualizing to attain "enlightenment" but it's key to remember that awareness subsides without thought and that it is when the mind become a conscious of being light itself, that Nirvana is discovered as one's great nature.

This powerful sacrament can tear away one's conditioning in a matter of minutes, erase decades of schooling to operate within the normal modality.  Prior to what a friend of mine calls, "going up into the white room", we can observe the thought process being systematically dismantled.  During the direct interphase within the clear light of the void...  subject and object loses any meaning. The singularity of the unified field washes away any difference between the individual drop and the vast expanse of the ocean.  And yes, yes, yes, this is repeatable each voyage the aspirant takes into the great white void. 

There is no self to which I cling, for I am one with everything.

Offline Curador

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Re: My Non-Dual Experience
« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2019, 09:37:23 AM »
@Rising Spirit:QuoteOn all four of my journeys, the fully conscious whiteout experience was wholly repeatable.  The molecule takes away my fixation of being a finite self with a defined, subjective perspective.  The pure magic of this most sacred of medicines, is that it gifts the state of mind in which no thought exists, yet awareness leftists with new parameters.  Lots of psychonaut go blank when this kind of a shift in perception blooms, leaving no memory of the peaking moments. Endquote
I'm really pleased to see your note.  I've been busy in other forums and this is more validation for this experience.  I continue to be blown away and do my best not to think about all the secrecy around this for thousands of years.  It, frankly, pisses me off if I go there.  Then I sit quietly, close my eyes and go back to that room...Life then seems as it should be because it is.

I am fascinated by documentation about many different religions using some type of substance to help create this experience. We, human beings, in our arrogance, step on the fact that we are part of nature and not superior to it.  Our need to see our place in nature is inherent to elevate our "humanity" to a higher level of stewardship of life on this planet if we are to be sustained on it.  It is not unlike figuring out that eating certain foods will help bones grow, certain teas affect liver detoxing but when it comes to the brain and elevated states of conscious awareness it's just someone's imagination. 

It's good to be here.
« Last Edit: June 07, 2019, 09:40:42 AM by Curador »