New Awakenings, my 8th Flight into The Infinite Light

[Rising Spirit]

I never wrote an eighth voyage trip report, for a number of reasons.  Primarily, and I sense that a lot of folks here have had a very similar quandary...  there are just no feasible words that properly encapsulate the experience.  Reaching to touch the face of Brahman and then...  being surprised that it is one's own face, but before the soul reaches God-realization...   it explodes into formlessness, wholly erased within the blinding whiteness of the absolute, purely effulgent emptiness, wholly void of any iota of division! 

My eighth immersion was an epic 5-MeO fusion of the finite self within the unlimited web of the infinite, the Omniself reawakening. A dissolution of my dream identity and an experience of always having been undifferentiated conscious-awareness.   The Alpha and the Omega undivided forevermore, yet paradoxically, rebirthed anew within this present now, as the cosmic dance whirls on and on...  and on.  So, how does one travel as an individual soul, deeply into the blinding whiteness of the nondual state and encapsulate the spirit journey in mortal wording? 

Language itself is perhaps the most dualistic phenomenon in human behavior.  It deals with symbols which are representative of the kind of reality in which things exist appart from one another, co-existing as a cohesive whole.  But how does one capture the indivisible?  At least, conceptually and linguistically.  So when the subject/object dichotomy vanishes, or rather, dissolves back into the source of all being...  there becomes this enormous task of talking about the non-dual state, The Godhead, awakening afresh from the dream of dualism.  It cannot really be done in a literal sense.  At least not enough, eh?

That being said, today is the day following my ninth immersion and I thought I might share of my musings and observations from the previous soul flight, number 8 in a carefully measured series of rituals.  I had put into words various fragments and ideas but was unable to fashion them into an interesting thread to read.  Perhaps I might just cut and paste them herein?  As a caveat, it must be strongly noted that nothing at all can be spoken of during full eclipsing mode.  From the state of full unification, there is no mortal self to bear witness to anything at all.  This dream bubble of a solid self is popped effortlessly and within the roaring silence of eternity...  who then is there to bear witness or try to speak at all? 

Still, upon approaching seamless union and the eventual return to perceptual cognizance, much can be recalled.  I consider the recollections to be shards of some immeasurable crystalline design.  Sparks from an eternal flame, which burns so bright as to blind the mortal entity and rob it if it's fixed identity. Ultimately, I humbly feel that hints and tidbits of remembrance can effectively be culled and recorded, pre and post-peaking only.  So, here are a few odd pieces of a worded collage of sorts, jotted down following my 8th journey with this most sacred of molecules.  I had intended on weaving an elaborate verbal tapestry in honor of the anointment but then the whole Covid-19 paradigmn threw me so far off track that I never quite got around to it. 

So, I am now offering these verbal sketches as a sort of ode to the medicine.  A fragile and wholly imperfect attempt to capture the entirety of the cosmos with a glass jar.  Please pardon the irony but my aim fis ever true and my love for you all is as genuine as a baby's first inhalation.  Without further adieu, here are a few scraps of insight and epiphany that I'd sincerely wish to share.  Perhaps in hopes of mapping out a wee bit more of this immense, overwhelmingly powerful catalyst into Infinity.


The first snippet:  Kundalini, spontaneous Mudras and the cascading flow of Amrita.

"Good evening, folks.  I wanted to discuss some off the impressions I have observed just prior to peaking and post peaking, during my solo ceremonies with this powerful sacrement.  There have been several repeated phenomena which occurred during all of my eight journeys with 5-MeO.  Of course, during the full immersion...  one dissolves wholly into the blinding neon whiteness.  There ceases to be any difference between the inside and the outside, self and other, light and darkness.  All thoughts cease to arise as one's very self, likewise, ceases to maintain any iota of corporeal reality.

Deep within what I call, "the eclipsing", there is naught but undifferentiated formlessness and no one to witness such a state of being/non-being.  During the full blown whiteout experience, the nondual field absorbs everything back into Source energy.  Brahman.  I can only imagine why it allows for the dream of individual self, only to shatter the illusion with such force it sends the ego into a temporary oblivion, even as it creates the potential for every possibility, form, substance and circumstance.  The greatest mystery and the closest thing I know to limitless love is this blessed experience, facilitated by this miraculous compound.  No other molecule that I've imbibed, has so much divine presence or such immense spiritual impact.

Ascending into this fulcrum of pure whiteness, I was accutely aware of Kundalini activation snaking it's way up my spinal axis.  At each chakra interphase, sweeping/flowing energy intersects at each the central point and rises in said fashion to the next higher crossroads (so to speak).  As the geyser-like force reached my heart, there was this incredible blooming sensation. The energy made my material heart feels as if it might burst!  Stroking out during a medicine journey would be so counterproductive that it hardly needs mention.  Lol.  Upwards the release arise.  I was almost choking with ecstasy as the power expanded into my throat region.  I gasped for air and then, chanted OM for what seemed an eternity.  Who was that singing?  Where did the sound begin, inside or beyond myself?

So unlike every other psychedelic substance, there was only the briefest of lingering at the Third Eye.  This has always amazed me, as so much of the art & science of meditation is focussed intently upon the Ajna chakra.  That being said, I did see such effulgence radiating from above, that it was almost too much to hold my gaze upon.  Almost, mind you.  I was wholly mesmerized by the incredible beauty and radiance shining it's white luminosity into every corner of the empty void of space.  Moments later, I felt an unfoldment at the top of my crown, partially to the rear of my head.  Some esoteric school in India refer to this a the Bindu, others do not. But the unfolding was like a large flower's petals opening further and further and further still. 

Seconds later, I conscious-awareness had arisen to what I label, the 8th chakra. It resides an arm's length above the top of the head.  It is not a part of the physical body, yet, it is rather like the puppeteer maneuvering the marionette of the individuated soul throughout it's dreaming journey.  Beyond this level is always so difficult to describe, call it the 9th chakra or the seat upon which God takes as a manifestation within creation. There is no duality within said field of existential being.  There is this almost primordial, haunting idea/declaration/expression, "I am here...  I have now become awakened within this present moment."   Whose notion of being existent elludes me, for where there is but The One, who actually hears this message? 

Then what seems to take an eternity in the making, there is naught but an absolute quietude.  A stillness that defies any quantification.  No sonic vibrations, no pulsations of radiating holy light.  No one to witness the miracle of creation, the blinding effulgence, nor surrender to the undifferentiated glory of The Unified Field. This will always remain shrouded in complete mystery, for without the usual mental conditioning of perceiving reality as a subject-object dichotomy, oneself evaporates like so much smoke in a breeze. Only upon returning from the grand eclipsing, can the state encountered be integrated and comprehended to any degree. 

Traveling with this molecule has always included, up on my return to self, quite a bit of spontaneous hand mudras and gesturing.  Almost as if a language far more geometric than verbal, flows into crystallization.  Often too, I am still chanting OM and still drinking in the nectar of Amrita, which pours from above into the chalice of my mind's heart. It overflows into every cell of my corporeal, physical body.  Fine tuning one's auric body and healing the bio-organism which gently holds my soul with the confines of the time-space-continuum.  Cascading down upon my thirsty soul like the blissful waters of eternity.  It pours outwards through my tear ducts and inside of my head, it drips sweetly from high up within my nasal cavity.  It's nectarine taste is immortality itself. Truly, I humbly feel that such miracles are the finest blessings gifted from the Source." 

[Rising Spirit]

2nd snippet:


"While my ability to maintain my subjectivity was still intact, I tried to note some of the characteristics which the eclipsing imprints itself within the mind and heart of the psychonautical traveler. There were distinctly 5-MeO visual and sonic phenomena, unique from other psychedelics yet some aspects of it are similar to the highest peak elements of it's other entheogenic family members. Unlike most tryptamines and phenothylamines, this was not a rainbow-hued voyage into a spiralling, constantly changing and morphing fractal patterning. 

What I saw was almost like a pulsing black and white expanse, save for shimmering refractions of a green-blue teal color and purplish magenta.  It was an iridescent accent to the almost stark monochromatic scheme of the vertical trajectory reflected within my perceptual field.  I remember that while I was dissolving my identity, there were parallel bars of light to either side if my perceptual field.  One of the teal and one magenta.  They were symbiotic with one another, insofar as being refractions of a singular ray of immense light.  The third eye center was wide open but the force pushing a panoramic flowering of intricate geometry, one of exceedingly high energy and one of a subtle, translucency in it's humming tonality, shimmering in the nearly whited-out visionary brilliance.  As the appex of the peak approached, my consciousness shifted beyond place and time.  Self and other had lost all meaning.  The inside and the outside lost all differentiation. 

I had had such experiences before with high-dose clean LSD-25, psilocybin mushrooms and N,N-DMT but they came with a certain narrative, a kind of mythos and mystical resonance.  5-MeO, in my belief, generates a Samadhi experience and is more of a state in which both creates, encompasses and devours that energy pattern upon which the mythos and mystical play in waves of myriad spontaneous possibilities.  So, effectively, a fusion with this plane of being stops all thought.  I became enthralled by the sounds I was hearing from within my own head and seemingly, everywhere else's, as well.  It synced perfectly with the songs if the crickets, cicadas, birds and whistling summer breeze.  There is a distinct variance between the humming of the 5-MeO sonic strings and the Carrier Wave encountered with cousin N,N-DMT.  I always get this waving effect, sonically speaking, with the DMT sonics.  And with the Spirit Molecule, the sound is louder to me on the right side of my head (brain).  This was exactly like the parallel bars of light but the polarity was in pitch.  One vibrated at a higher tonal frequency, while the other at a lower octave.  Together, they created a wonderful resonance. 

Behind and deep with the paired tones, echoed a rumbling OM tone, vibrating in eternal splendor.  It became a roaring and even thunderingly prominent within my hearing range.  It absorbed my mind.  The droning was highlighted by a humming, buzzing higher ringing.  This seemed to melt into a stillness and deep silence.  It was as if a pause and unbound expanse of sheer empty space was poised on the subtle fringes of the symphony of sounds, sensations and intense energy pulsations.  Surely, if we conceptualize about this attribute of emptiness within the complexity of multidimensional extensions emanating out of this clear light of the Void, we might concur that it is much like the eye of some ethereal hurricane.  The immensity of the peak and ensuing whiteout experience are of the highest resonance I've ever encountered with any other Sacred Medicine, any other of the primary psychedelics.  Within the whiteout, I don't remember anything.  Everything was undifferentiated light.  There was no-thing to observe, as I was frozen as a witness and all there was was the unbroken source, the place between birth and death, beyond time but always here as the ground upon which all life springs out of potentiality into reality. 

All there was...   is...  the unborn/undying permanence and eternal presence of The Divine.  Nothing can be written or said about the peak moment, set like a jewel sparkling ineffibley within it's own regal effulgence.  This was direct contact with the Godhead and willing surrender of myself.  Frankly, it was easy to sacrifice my ego, as it seemed now so unreal.  Less than a dream bubble.  "Pop".  As naught else existed, save the force drawing me into sheer oblivion (as it is everything all at once and no-thing, simultaneously), the little I that had been my notion of self for nearly 62 years now, could do nothing but freeze into a complete stasis.  Everything was so translucent and formless, that it became impossible to look at anything in particular.  Even the rapid beating of my heart had gone from nearly deafening, to oddly distant.  I was simply a floating luminance, a formless pulsing point of energy, one wholly united with an infinite field of symmetrical points.  Like a star lost in a nebulous sea of an unlimited expanse of an infinity of symbiotic starseeds.  OMG...  coming back was quite extraordinary and most euphoric."   

[Rising Spirit]

3rd snippet:

"From my perspective, there are direct parallels with Advaita Vedanta and the sacred initiation gifted by plant teachers, whose magik is inherent within molecules, which are naturally imbibed by humankind as psychedelic medicines.  My highest peak moments occur to an ancient but simultaneously, a naked and infantile witness to this miraculous dance of life.  The I-thought is effectively frozen for a spell, as it is in complete stasis for a timeless pause, echoing into eternity.  Whomever is looking through this immediate lens of self, expressing a desire to be and become...  abiding in sheerest transparency of mind, is reborn anew to wonder and to awaken.  This conscious-awareness without identity is a primordial awareness without any quantifiable appearance, nor does it create any actor to play any specific part (to pretend to be a reality of individualized existentialism).  It is one with the nondual Source.  The eclipsing of self and Omniself is forever shrouded in complete and utter mystery.  Entheogens do have such a tremendous power to destroy and recreate any reality conceivable.  Even the emptiness of the great void becomes one's truest soul focus.  But only for a sacred moment.  5-MeO is IMO, the very pinnacle of such altered perceptual magik.  When the inside and the outside are interchangeable...  the whole field of energy re-absorbs the witness into the vibration of pure crystalline emptiness.

As I have experienced it, the sudden bloom sky rockets the perception of the temporal self deeply into a trance state, one ignited by the sounds of oscillating tonal frequencies, cascading bands of light creating music without melody.  Mesmerizing sounds, echoing and ringing-out from deep within and far beyond oneself, pull the perceptual axiom beyond all known boundaries.   An overtone scintillating higher still, further pulls the attention of the awakening dreamer from the tonal symphony to the single overtone.  This shifts the rapt attention into another dimension, one pulsing to a timeless rhythm.  As the chorus of harmonics blend into a single source...  The rumbling, fluttering droning of AUM becomes almost deafening yet so extraordinarily exquisite.  Even as the dissolving I-thought clings to it's imaginary form and substance, the sheer will power of the I-Am, stubbornly battles to rise into existential being, despite the approaching saturation/interphase into infinity...   the undifferentiated sea of non-dual, unitive consciousness (somehow abloom within an eternal, forever spontaneous, cyclical flow of creation, preservation and dissolution).

Just prior to a total white out experience and immediately after the immeasurable void becomes touched, experientially, whilst the ego is immersed within the truest core of oneself and travels far beyond oneself...  the voyager re-coalesces into a brand new being, altogether.  And despite retaining the dreamscape of one's own, unique personal history, a clear remembrance lingers enigmatically.  The soul once so eclipsed by the Divine presence, throughout the appex of the mystical peak, tastes immortality and expands into unbound silence, understanding that conscious-awareness exists freely, transcending the veil of the linear, time-space-continuum.  No thought, no conception, no ideas about anything at all.  One awakens to an effulgence of clear, unwaivering attention.  Refracting light without notion nor any iota of intention.  A highly profound attunement, incrementally changes the mind and heartbeat of the intrepid spirit traveler, from the relative field...  to the absolute field.  Even as ego-self takes hold of oneself, once again, it effectively re-crystallizes in unison within an intricate web of interwoven rays of clear white light (shining in ecstatic nirvana and sheerest bliss, imprinted by an eternal resplendence)."